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The vacuum left by Big Brother has been filled by Twitter this year, which, just like the reality TV show, contains the good, the bad and the beautiful...

“Why get married? Two words: white goods. We have dubbed the washing machine ‘Jesus’ – it performs miracles.” – Angie Hart (@angiehartmusic)

“As small as a frog my parents said!” – Delta Goodrem (@delta_goodrem) on being born 12 weeks premature

“A minute’s Twitter silence is the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard. While you pansies are quietly remembering, I’m going to skullfuck an arsonist.” – Kevin Fuckin' Rudd (@KevinFuckinRudd)

“For those who keep asking: I am 173cm tall. Or as I like to call it, ‘Fun Size’.” – Rove McManus (@Rove1974)

“Humans are amazing...will elaborate later.” – Charlie Pickering (@charliepick)

“Is it ok to let my dog eat his vomit? His heartworm tablet’s in there. He needs it back inside.” – Claire Hooper (@hoopthereitis)

“Saw my first red back spider for real. She was quite pretty (even for a deadly eight legged nightmare).” – scream-queen Efisia (@01000101)

“Has anyone lost a pretty black elephant with broken-off feet and half a trunk? I found her in the petrol station.” – Lisa Mitchell (@lisahmitchell), just before leaving for her international tour

“The kids introduced me to the wonders of worm farming, what to do with worm poo...” – Kevin Rudd (@kevinruddpm)

“So just to be clear... does @kevinruddpm want to stop me from posting pictures of ballbags? Because I will motherfucking protest that shit.” – Jess McGuire (@jessmcguire)

“19 year old Syd kid. EXCUSE MY BEAUTY.” – Twitter bio of Dawson fan Jacqui Gaut (@jackgotjacked)

“I love Twitter, but every once in awhile, I’m like ‘Why waste time here when I can be spanking my dick?’ 2 minutes later I’m Tweeting again.” – Kevin Smith (@thatkevinsmith)

Silent Bob evidently not so silent when talking about his mate, Dick. And talking of dicks, time to sojourn from Twitter to Barnaby Joyce (though I’m sure Twitter isn’t safe from him)...

“Labor is so typical - every time they come in, marvellous ideas; it’s all, you know, fluffy clouds and funny spots on cows’ bottoms. But they never really are able to handle money.” – Barnaby Joyce, deluding himself that the country would ever allow him to hold the purse strings!

“Government is the entertainment arm of the corporate sector.” – RocKwiz, 17/10/09

“One regrets ever meeting Mr Grech!” – Malcolm Turnbull, post Utegate

“D’you know what they call a place that breaks the law every time there’s an emergency? Dictatorship.” – Dr Cal Lightman, terrorist attacks ep, Lie To Me

“My advice to Tony Abbott: don’t wear the budgie-smugglers – I think the budgie’s escaped.” – Barry Crocker

“At times all three of them, in their own ways, have been polarising.” – Tony Abbott on Kevin Andrews, Bronwyn Bishop and Philip Ruddock, his new front-benchers

No shit! And from a rare moment of truth in politics to a rare moment of truth in advertising:

“I mean, even at $3.90, I wouldn’t be seen dead in them.” – Rivers ad for plastic clogs

“This is where I get my sense of humour from – here in Adelaide, Ladies and Gentlemen.” – David Koch

“I have three cats. I am one cat away from a story on A Current Affair.” – Wil Anderson, Weekend, The Age, 24/1/09

“When they’re about 9 or 10 buy them some stock.” – money advice for parents on NBC’s Today

“Sounds too good to be true? That’s what we're about to discover!” – Mr T, introducing FlavorWave Oven infomercial

“...My grandfather was a plumber ... If you'd let me on stage he would put a toilet in your club.” – Michael Bublé

Worked out well for Bublé – now he’s flushed with success. Back in Australia, Network 7’s substitute for trustworthy media was peddling deadly poisons:

“Botox - why it really is good for you!” – promo for Today Tonight

“What is really sad is that her pert, perfectly in-proportion B-cup breasts become monstrous $10,800 C-cup half cantaloupes perched ludicrously on her svelte chest.” – Mark Ellis, The Age, 10/9/09, on an 18-yo getting a boob-job on doco About Women

“Two eyes?” – Kochie to Fifi Box, as she holds a large boa constrictor

“I change boyfriends like I change my underwear.” – Jessica, Aussie Ladette To Lady, 2009 (second season)

Clean-undied Jessica, who, after a final week Ladette party was still wasted the next morning, came third – Victoria can be proud!

And finally to another Victorian – one with very different sensibilities. Our favourite ex-blogger writes about danger addict Bear Grylls, who offers ‘useful’ survival tips on SBS’s Man Vs Wild...

“I don’t care how parched or stuck in the middle of the Kenyan desert I may be one day, I absolutely refuse to pick up a giant elephant dropping and squeeze it into my mouth until juice comes out.” – Marieke Hardy, The Age, 19/11/09