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Lesbian bus love
Think we’re joking? Well, sort of. more
Man skips work.
Authorities find him hiding in his closet.
Threatened
Australian culture threatened.
Read more.
New Director General of the BBC
In a press release today, ausculture.com announced it’s support of Brian Whiley in his attempt to wrest control of the BBC.
Cows
Give up on finding home…eat grass instead.
Good and Evil
The Battle between good and evil is over. It ended yesterday at 4:15pm EDT.
Search ausculture
Scrapped.
Articles we almost wrote
Nobel prize
We won it for chemistry. Find out how.
The ausculture diet
Get the perfect body in just 10 days - by using voodoo.
1001 Reasons…
… to put “Germaine Greer” into Google Image Search. At work.
Your Mother
And why she’s considered the neighbourhood’s skankiest gal.
New Study
Scientists confirm that ausculture.com makes you smarter.
October 8, 2004
ausculture.com’s guide to the HSC
As most of you will know — at ausculture we’re all into jumping onto whatever bandwagon we can find. From reality TV to politics we like to tickle whatever you fancy… whenever you like.
Considering my infallibility on all things life related, and the HSC being (almost) life related I thought I’d take some time to give the young people some helpful advice on the HSC. I present to you the ausculture.com subject-by-subject guide to the HSC.
I do realise that I probably shouldn’t be encouraging large numbers of seventeen/eighteen year-old HSC students to visit ausculture.com (for our sake; not theirs) but, you know, bandwagon.
[Those of you in states other than NSW can substitute whatever you like for HSC]
Continue reading “ausculture.com’s guide to the HSC”Posted by Patrick at 1:33 AM Link | Comments (3)
September 15, 2004
The art of the donkey
A step-by-step guide to donkey voting — for protesters, the apathetic and anyone else with a view towards being disenfranchised.
Continue reading “The art of the donkey”Posted by Patrick at 2:24 PM Link | Comments (6)
August 30, 2004
Paul J Keating’s Inspirational Quotes
Since I’ve been a bit distracted, I haven’t had time to write another new article for you all - so it’s rehash time again! This time, I’ve decided that with a Federal election looming, now more than ever it’s appropriate to go “reminiscing”. A little like the Little River Band then.
Continue reading “Paul J Keating’s Inspirational Quotes”Posted by Jess at 10:06 PM Link | Comments (1)
August 21, 2004
In search of Australian snow culture
On a recent trip to Australia’s Snowy Mountains I took a moment between exorbitantly priced shots of schnapps to look around for a distinctly Australian style of snow atmosphere.
Continue reading “In search of Australian snow culture”Posted by Patrick at 6:26 PM Link | Comments (14)
August 10, 2004
Pop vs “Real Music”
Ahhh, yes – that old chestnut. Which genre is superior, and more importantly, which genre should be crushed like a bug under the boot of a hefty Latvian goat herd? The answer is, quite simply, neither. Both have a place in the musical landscape, and true music lovers will be the first to tell you so.
Posted by Jess at 3:33 PM Link | Comments (30)
June 28, 2004
Boonie’s Mullet Talks - Exclusive! by Steve Fellows
Goodness! I went to link to this article whilst adding Steve’s latest brilliant news report when I realised I hadn’t even added Boonie’s Mullet Talks - Exclusive! to ausculture.com’s rapidly swelling collection of articles! So here it is, ladies and gentlemen - enjoy.
Continue reading “Boonie’s Mullet Talks - Exclusive! by Steve Fellows”Posted by Jess at 4:13 PM Link
June 23, 2004
ausculture me!
Having seen the movie Super Size Me and been horrified by the effects of excessive exclusive consumption of McDonalds on the human body I decided to run an experiment of my own. What would happen if someone read only ausculture.com for an entire month?
Continue reading “ausculture me!”Posted by Patrick at 3:00 PM Link | Comments (6)
May 17, 2004
Songs I Perhaps Shouldn’t Like But I Actually Do
And I’m Listening To Them Right Now…
Oh sure, they’re not the coolest collection of tunes. You might not find them on some uber-trendy New York bands Rage playlist. But they will make MY playlist because I love them, and not in that Macquarie University student ironic way either.
Posted by Jess at 9:10 AM Link | Comments (13)
May 14, 2004
Sedate Rock - An Epidemic
ausculture.com makes the following plea to musicians everywhere - put an end to Sedate Rock!
You know what I’m talking about. The kind of rock music that puts you in a coma, it’s so innocuous. Now, it’s not bad per se, it probably makes quite pleasant background music, and it might even come with decent lyrics, who knows? It could very well be performed by an artist with credibility coming out his or her arse. However, it’s the inoffensiveness of the tune that actually offends me. Where’s the limb? Why aren’t you out on it?
Continue reading “Sedate Rock - An Epidemic”Posted by Jess at 2:36 AM Link | Comments (8)
April 18, 2004
The Logies Nominees
Welcome to the ausculture.com run down of the 2004 TV Week Logie Award Nominees. I have decided to second guess most of the ‘popular’ awards as opposed to the ‘outstanding’ awards, as the latter relies on talent, and the former relies on… well, not much at all really. So I’m completely qualified to judge. Will I be right? After the Logies, I’ll put the winner in italics. Until then, do what you will with the rantings of an insomniac gal.
Continue reading “The Logies Nominees”Posted by Jess at 7:19 AM Link | Comments (4)
April 15, 2004
All about Cosima
In a bold move that parallels “The Passion of the Christ”, ausculture.com has tackled one of the most influential personalities of our era - Cosima De Vito.
For those that don’t know, Cosima ejected herself out of the running for “Australian Idol” explaining that she had developed throat nodules.
The good news for Cosima fans is that Cosima is back with…a vengeance and is soon to release a single. But who is Cosima De Vito? Ausculture.com has the answers.
Continue reading “All about Cosima”Posted by Patrick at 11:50 PM Link | Comments (3)
February 28, 2004
My Idol
Something is rotten in the state of Australian culture. No, it’s not ausculture.com.
Apart from my distaste for reality television in general, I also have a very real distaste for the transplanting of the school talent quest format to a national television festival.
When I was growing up I never much liked school talent quests. Sure, there were the obvious moments of brilliance such as the obligatory Irish dancer or bad rendition of “Greatest Love of All” but overall, the talent quests at school were crap…
I don’t think they’ve improved any.
Continue reading “My Idol”Posted by Patrick at 3:26 PM Link | Comments (3)
February 23, 2004
Ani DiFranco & The Herd
Allow me to be indulgent and tell you about my weekend.
First of all, some chums and I went to see Ani DiFranco at the State Theatre. Absolutely fucking brilliant. I’ve been a huge fan of Ani for years, but have to admit to being a bit concerned by all the new fandangled music she’s been making with jazz leanings and not many hooks. Ani has now gone back to basic, just a gal and her guitar(s), and the result was an awesome concert.
She’s one of the best guitarists out there without question, and her voice is spot on every time. Old songs were received rapturously by the crowd, and new songs were stripped of any self-indulgence and just played the way they should have been - and they were great too.
Posted by Jess at 2:02 PM Link | Comments (1)
February 20, 2004
Twelve Ways To Improve Cricket
So it’s nearly the weekend, and the lazy team at ausculture.com can’t even be bothered to write an article for the punters! You know what that means, don’t you? Time for rehashed material! And who’s work is better to rehash than the lovable Kylie Minogue hating Ol Shirley?
Allow this plump morsel of cleverness to tide you over the weekend, and next week, expect to see either a beginning to the ausculture.com Un-Australian Of The Year Award idea or at the very least, a bitter and twisted rant about the hated Sydney Buses. Those fuckers. Take it away, Ollie!
Continue reading “Twelve Ways To Improve Cricket”Posted by Jess at 5:03 PM Link | Comments (1)
February 17, 2004
Ratings indicate neophobia?
The latest ratings have aroused claims that reality television shows are on their last legs.
Is this really the case or not? being experts in everything, we’ve decided to give you the definitive answer.
Continue reading “Ratings indicate neophobia?”Posted by Patrick at 4:10 PM Link | Comments (2)
February 12, 2004
Getting To Know Sydney
In our effort to educate international readers on the parts of Sydney not often covered in sleazy English documentries, here at ausculture.com we’ve decided to allow guest writers to talk about their home suburbs. Sometimes affectionate, sometimes sarcastic, generally always lies, these “getting to know you” articles should give a real insight into the lives of Sydneysiders.
First up is Stephen Fellows, a charming young man from the Northern Beaches, who occasionally earns a quid by acting as barkeep at his local RSL, and regales his chums with tales of thieving pensioners. Old people, is there no low they won’t sink to? Onwards, Steve, and don’t spare the horses!
Continue reading “Getting To Know Sydney”Posted by Jess at 5:12 PM Link | Comments (2)
2004 Television Profile #2 - The Resort
Here at ausculture.com, we’ve managed to resist abandoning an idea before it got too dull, and so we are mildly proud to present PART TWO (hurrah!) of our 2004 Television Profiles…. Today’s victim? The Resort!
The second of Channel Ten’s new reality fare to appear on our screens in 2004, The Resort is hosted by former Noiseworks singer Jon Stevens, and premiered on Australian television last night.
Continue reading “2004 Television Profile #2 - The Resort”Posted by Jess at 3:06 PM Link | Comments (1)
February 10, 2004
Australian I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here!
Australian TV execs - I beg of you. Forget the shitty Australian Queer Eye idea, and instead get some of our own beloved poor celebs on an Aussie version of IACGMOOH! Clearly there’s a market for celebrity humiliation, and there’s nothing the Australian public likes more than cutting down tall poppies than stomping on already withering flowers.
With this in mind, we’ve selected just a few contestants for the top brass of network television to consider as future stars of Australian IACGMOOH. We hope to see it on a television screen soon!
Continue reading “Australian I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here!”Posted by Jess at 9:50 AM Link
February 5, 2004
2004 Television Profile #1 - The Hothouse
Until I get bored, I’m going to attempt to summarise some of the shows that have hit Australian TV screens already, and a few more that are on their way. The first victim show we’re taking a look at is Channel Ten’s flop The Hothouse.
Posted by Jess at 12:37 PM Link | Comments (2)
February 4, 2004
TV Fever
Inspired by the nonsense television on our screens at the moment, and continuing our habit of pilfering our own material from old websites, here’s some television shows we expect (or at least hope) to see in the future.
Continue reading “TV Fever”Posted by Jess at 1:07 PM Link | Comments (2)
February 2, 2004
Your Body Is A Wonderland
… But John, your face is a bloody disgrace!
Last night I stumbled across John Mayer performing live on cable TV channel musicMAX’s ‘MAX Sessions’.
Now, first things first, I should explain the past that Mr Mayer and I have. John Mayer is one of my “musical flings”. I had a brief and passionate obsession with his album which lasted a good six weeks, before I suddenly couldn’t stand it and removed the CD from my stereo and placed it back on the shelf, where it’s remained ever since.
Continue reading “Your Body Is A Wonderland”Posted by Jess at 6:07 PM Link
The Big O Reviews
Matrix Revolutions
Once again, we’ve pinched an older, more distinguished article from the past and stuck it up here (with the author’s permission, natch).
Ol Shirley, the gifted Sydney writer\boozehound, has kindly allowed us to republish yet another of his pieces - a review of the last Matrix movie. Insightful? Bitter? Mentions a macaque? You betcha. We wouldn’t have it any other way.
Continue reading “The Big O ReviewsMatrix Revolutions”
Posted by Jess at 9:30 AM Link | Comments (4)
The Big O’s
Top Ten Things To Do With Wallaby Jerseys
Our inability\intense laziness when it comes to writing new articles, not to mention the ease of stealing material from old websites we were involved in, has meant a lot of material on ausculture.com is a little outdated. Thankfully, we don’t give a shit.
Therefore, a few months after our World Cup defeat to England - England for god’s sake! - we are republishing The Big O’s Top Ten Things To Do With Wallaby Jerseys. Enjoy!
Continue reading “The Big O’s
Top Ten Things To Do With Wallaby Jerseys”
Posted by Jess at 9:22 AM Link | Comments (2)
January 30, 2004
Shane Warne - Secret Agent
With former Australian test cricketer and well known pie-eater Shane Warne’s return to the cricketing world imminent, we felt it thoroughly appropriate to republish an article by reputed non-journalist Steve Fellows that originally appeared on the sham that is The Home Of The Recluses. Much like George W.’s disappearance from the National Guard during the Vietnam war, mainstream media have avoided this amazing story, but here at ausculture.com we fear no man (unless he’s a lawyer).
Continue reading “Shane Warne - Secret Agent”
Posted by Jess at 10:35 AM Link
New Reality Series
While other soon to be seen reality TV shows have been heavily promoting, the show that is likely to induce a public frenzy more than any other has been kept behind closed doors, we reveal what we know (almost nothing).
Continue reading “New Reality Series”Posted by Patrick at 2:15 AM Link