September 06, 2005

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Inadvertent Donut Eating & Other Adventures

Apologies for the silence, gang, but I promise there are legitimate reasons behind it.

1. There’s a new, distracting quiz happening.
2. I’m tying up some loose ends in my real life day job.
3. Because I will be embarking on a journey in a few weeks time.

In all likelihood, I’ll be quite rubbish at updating ausculture.com until the end of this month… and then all of a sudden - BAM! I will resume the charged up, excitable and frantic posting habits you came to know and love last year (before I sold my soul to work for The Man).

Now, let’s move on and get to the most thrilling news story of today.

Accidental Death Of A Donut
Poor old Nathan Hindmarsh seems to have buggered up his chances of playing in the (insert sport) finals after he chomped on a donut provided by his Mrs Brigitte Warne-esque niece instead of fasting before an operation.

“Boo, this story sucks!” I hear the peeps who couldn’t care less about sport screaming in an appropriately shrill fashion. BEAR WITH ME. You see, I found this part of the article interesting…

Hindmarsh revealed yesterday he was told to fast before surgery on an injured knee last Saturday night. But he inadvertently took a bite of the doughnut and, having eaten, doctors were forced to delay his operation until the Sunday.


Inadvertently
adv : without knowledge or intention; “he unwittingly deleted the references”

So if I’m correct - and I always am - this appears to be the sequence of events.

* Hindmarsh is waiting hungrily (but responsibly) for his surgery at his house.
* Elsewhere, the dastardly Krispy Kreme (IS THERE NO END TO THEIR EVIL?) lure Hindmarsh’s sister and niece into their store.
* Once in the Krispy Kreme shop, Sister Hindmarsh and daughter are brainwashed by a Manly Sea-Eagles supporting employee to purchase a great big box of irresistible rugby-league-player-mouth-sized donuts. You can just see where this is tragically heading, can’t you?
* Sister Hindmarsh and daughter then continue on their journey, carrying their box of Satan’s goodies right over to poor Nathan Hindmarsh’s abode.
* A door opens.
* Niece Hindmarsh, holding the box of donuts, trips on the crumpled rug in the hallway!
* Just as Nathan is yawning!
* The lid of the box flips up, and rugby-league-player-mouth-sized donuts fly through the air!
* Several land in Nathan’s mouth!
* His instinct, after years of drunken holidays with the lads from the team, is to swallow!
* ARGH, ETC!

Understandably, Nathan was distraught after inadvertently eating the donut.

“I tried to put my fingers down my throat but it didn’t work,” said Hindmarsh, who was yesterday on crutches. “I also tried to spit it out but it was too late.


Our thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time, Mr Hindmarsh.

Posted by Jess at September 6, 2005 01:44 PM
— Filed under Common

Comments
()

On September 6, 2005 05:37 PM, la nadine wrote:

i blame the donuts.

i’ve never trusted ‘em.

evil, hollow little bastards.

they’ll destroy earth if we’re not careful.

builds spaceship

commentReply to this
On September 6, 2005 07:30 PM, SAAK wrote:

Blame not the doughnut, for a doughnut by its very nature but yearns for its own consumption. Blame not the footballer, for he knows not what he does. Blame in lieu the failings of the medical establishment whom are unable to perform their duties around such a measly portion of fried dough. SAAK

commentReply to this
On September 7, 2005 11:42 PM, Buck Fudd wrote:

I think it has something to do with possible regurge under anaesthetic and choking to death on your own vomit. Or something.

commentReply to this
On September 8, 2005 11:58 AM, Should be working wrote:

Long live Hendrix

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