July 24, 2005

Interview With A Movie #1

ausculture.com Versus The Village

Jess - Welcome, The Village.

The Village - It’s great to be here, Jess.

Jess - Let’s cut to the chase, eh? You’re a bit shit. Discuss.

The Village - I really don’t think that’s very fair, since -

Jess - You’re absolutely right. You’re VERY shit.

The Village - But… but I was created by M Night Shamalan. He was the genius behind The 6th Sense!

Jess - … and I believe the man also behind Unbreakable?

The Village - The 6th Sense! THE 6TH SENSE!

Jess - Which reminds me. How do you react to people insisting you’re just a rubbish version of The 6th Sense.

The Village - I think it’s preposterous. We’re completely different movies.

Jess - Do you think you should have changed your tagline?

The Village - I’m not sure what you mean.

Jess - “I See Red People” - were you even trying?

The Village - Hey, I know for a FACT that wasn’t the tag line.

Jess - Whatever. It may as well have been. What about the actors - would you agree every single actor involved in your production was complete pants?

The Village - I’m not sure if you noticed, Jess, but my cast was filled to the brim with brilliant actors. Adrien Brody won an Oscar not long before he starred in me for his role in The Pianist, you know.

Jess - And we’re all absolutely floored he didn’t receive another for his portrayal of an Amish retard.

The Village - Hang on, he wasn’t playing an Amis…

Jess - The way he used dribble in that final climactic scene - truly inspiring.

The Village - Joaquin Phoenix? Bryce Dallas Howard?

Jess - Yawn, and shithouse, respectively.

The Village - I really was completely crap, wasn’t I?

Jess - You owe me two hours of my life.

The Village - Sorry.

Posted by Jess at July 24, 2005 04:15 PM
— Filed under Common