June 08, 2005

Tonight’s The Night!

It’s gonna be alright
‘Cause I love you girl
Ain’t nobody gonna stop us now

Is everyone pumped up to see the full Tom Cruise interview with Oprah tonight on Channel Ten? Eh? Let’s meet back here later to ~~laugh in a jovial fashion~~ discuss just how not gay Tom is.

UPDATE

This is excruciating. He is hideous, Oprah is awful, the crowd are zombies. I want to kill everyone involved. I can’t look away.

UPDATE #2

I can’t even construct sentences. So here’s a few choice quotes from the text messages being fired back and forth between little old me and fellow hecklers Clem and Elmo.

The crowd is mental. Was Oprah giving away free lobotomies? - (ME)
I’m DYING give ME a lobotomy! - (ELMO)
God I hope Nicole didn’t have to witness this :-( - (CLEM)
LOL. what a freak show - (ELMO)
What’s with THIS ENTIRE AFFRONT TO GOD? - (ME)
you know, maybe he’s more asexual than gay. can you see him fucking anything? I think not. - (ELMO)
I can see him fucking himself… Hopefully… - (ME)

UPDATE #3

FOR FUCK’S SAKE! They’ve turned Dakota Fanning into a bland sycophantic shit-licker and the girl is fucking eleven years old!

UPDATE #4

I’m still too flabbergasted by the pitiful excuse for propaganda I witnessed two hours ago to discuss it further (although I will quickly note the complete lack of chemistry between the “happy” couple). So here’s something else Cruise-related.

The World’s Greatest Rock Photogroper, Mr Daniel Boud Esq, sent me this link. It’s superb. Say what you will about this ~~sham~~ relationship, it’s certainly encouraging funny folk to get their comedic freak on. A taste? Why not!

Nor is our pure, completely unforced romance an attempt to divert attention in secular Hollywood from my increasing involvement with the Church of Scientology. Scientology is a scientifically proven way to help you surmount challenges, like when they helped me overcome illiteracy and cured my flaming hom - my homunculus complex. By giving me lifts for my motorcycle boots. I ride motorcycles and fly jets, by the way, which is totally unwomanly and, logically, is the opposite: manly

Bravo.

PS: I may ban myself from talking about Tommy until next week since I’m beginning to sound obsessed, and everyone knows obsession is boring and totally last year. Unless someone’s obsessed with you a la Fatal Attraction, in which case, you know. It’s sort of flattering and tingly and only mildly concerning.

Posted by Jess at June 8, 2005 07:01 PM
— Filed under Common

Comments
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On June 8, 2005 08:34 PM, paulyt wrote:

No.

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On June 8, 2005 11:16 PM, Jozef Imrich wrote:
Happy-Sad Tom

I could not look away either ;-) There is life after Nicole???? The Oprah Winfrey Show Tom Cruise is gaga over Katie Holmes

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On June 9, 2005 01:54 AM, tania_in_distress wrote:

the ‘i am Tom Cruise’ article is just a lick of the iceberg. teddy wayne rocks my world…i’ve googled him all night to no avail. balding gay man with stubby fingers, or hot mofo with gyllenhaal eyes - i’m going to breed with this man!

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On June 9, 2005 04:28 AM, Dr Henrik Ziegler wrote:

With Katie supposedly being a fan of the old Abstinence, remember that gives Tom free rein to do whatever her unwise-of-the-ways-of-the-world haven’t informed her by shagging other humans (as opposed to plastic-coated 4ft high muppets) ISN’T NORMAL.

“Yes Katie, it’s totally reasonable on the first night of our honeymoon that I demand you get a short haircut and some stubble put on you.”

“Here, put on this sailor suit.

And chest hair.”

“It’s meant to hurt, Katie.”

“Yes, I’ve put it in the righ—”

well, you get the idea.

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On June 9, 2005 10:43 AM, Carrie wrote:

I couldn’t sit through it.

I kept flicking back to Channel 10, watching a few seconds and then having to switch to “Windsor! The Queen’s Favourite Castle!” on Channel 9 until I managed to wrench my body out of CRINGE pose.

AWFUL.

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On June 9, 2005 03:53 PM, ms cynic wrote:

Katie did not want to come out of the Green Room and was forcefully pulled out by Tom. She then refused to look at the camera. Why? Did you not notice that freakin’ thing growing on her top lip FOR THE LOVE OF GOD?
Katie looked very annoyed with Tom for yanking her onstage and struggled against him. Just before they entered the main stage, you see her turn and realise the cameras are there and she very suddenly transforms from struggling girl to kissing, in-love girl.

It was freaky.

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On June 9, 2005 04:27 PM, laforge wrote:

I found this

http://www.ubersite.com/m/67122

hilarious.

Yes, I’m aware I have a low humour threshold.

(SFW)

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On June 10, 2005 02:18 PM, Dan wrote:

Another take on TomKatGate

http://www.newyorkmetro.com/nymetro/movies/features/11938/index.html