June 07, 2005

I am thoroughly relieved that people are finally speaking out about the abomination that is “tolerance” (SCHOOL SEX FURORE - Students asked to imagine being gay - Daily Telegraph, 6/6/05). If we begin asking students to empathise with others and attempt to understand the difficulties faced by gay and lesbian youth, decent society as we know it will simply disintegrate. It’s too late for me, however.

Until yesterday, I was a wholesome, pure young lady of twenty four years old. I planned to settle down with a nice man and give birth to numerous Conservative-voting legitimate children within the next few years. All that changed once I read about Brian McNaught’s “educational program”. I could barely sleep last night, my subconscious having been violated by the disturbing mental picture of homosexuals and lesbians donning leather catsuits and cracking whips as they “dominated” my imaginary world’s society.

Before I knew it, I found myself at a gay bar flirting with a Harley-riding crew-cut sporting lesbian named Elspeth. Then I went home and spent seven hours locked in a furious Sapphic bidding war on eBay for ownership of the DVD box set of The Ellen DeGeneres Show whilst listening to a recently purchased copy of Melissa Etheridge’s Greatest Hits. I can hardly bear to imagine what effect learning about The Gays has had on even younger, more innocent folk who were forced to sit down and listen to pinko glitterati propaganda during school hours. No doubt they too were feeling helpless against the evil lure of same-sex pleasure.

I am thankful that Carmel Tebbutt found the strength to cut the program, thus ensuring an entire generation of teenagers don’t wake up the one morning with a curious desire for homosexual liaisons. It’s about time somebody thought of the children.

Jess Ausculture.