April 09, 2005
Emergency Weekend Campaign
We don’t often ask much from you guys, but I received some dire news not long ago - according to leaked mid-week ARIA charts, the Kyle Sandilands-produced cash-for-comment-esque Tamara Jaber single “Oooh Aaah” looks to be hitting Number One.
This is an affront to God. For real.
There is a chance - a slim one, mind you, but one we MUST grasp onto firmly with two hands - we can avoid a chart disaster on Monday. Are you with me?
Deep breath.
Before I tell you, just imagine a smug look of satisfaction on the fish-lipped mong below (it’ll look a little like this, but with slightly better grooming involved). Cause THAT, my friends, is what we’re facing Monday if we don’t act soon. Right?
So here’s what you need to do.
You need to buy Jesse McCartney’s Beautiful Soul single.
You read that correctly.
I know, I know - it feels like replacing one musical evil with another, but at least Jesse’s boyfriend didn’t use his ‘influence’ at 2DAY FM to foist his song upon the ears of the nation - a venture he had money invested in, for God’s sake!
Jesse, the current number one Australian single, seems our best bet. I know how many folks it’s gonna take to push Jesse ahead, and believe it or not - if every ausculture.com reader goes out and buys Jesse’s single, we can influence the ARIA charts. That is, if each of you force your families at knife-point to purchase a copy of Beautiful Soul and then perhaps plant a bomb on a bus and make a deal with authorities that you won’t blow it up if they purchase 50,000 copies of the Jesse McCartney single. Yep, we can make a difference alright.
I don’t expect you to LISTEN to the song, it’s rather crap if you ask me. But young Jesse - a lad who looks like the bastard love child of Nick Carter and Ashlee Simpson - could just be our one last hope at ensuring Kyle doesn’t have too much to gloat about on Monday morning.
And hey - we could make it fun! Once you buy the single, perhaps burn it! Use it as a drinks coaster! Microwave it and marvel at the pretty colours! Do something non-listening related to it, capture the moment with a camera, and email me (see the About page for details) - we’ll put the best ones online! SEE, THIS IS FUN NOT BAD AND AWFUL AND CRUEL, FUN FUN FUN!
If you’re worried about going into your favourite music store, simply print out the below form and hand it over to your shop assistant of choice. They’ll understand. I promise.
May the force be with you.
Seriously, buy Jesse McCartney. I will if you will. Posted by Jess at April 9, 2005 01:52 PM
— Filed under Common
Comments / Trackbacks (URI)
Kyle Sandilands is a tossrag
We here at the Pen don't like Kyle Sandilands. Looks like we're not alone! The fun-loving folks at ausculture have put together an emergency campaign - check it out here. I recall a certain episode of The Glasshouse where Wil Andreson cleverly referred...
Kyle Sandilands is a tossrag
We here at the Pen don't like Kyle Sandilands. Looks like we're not alone! The fun-loving folks at ausculture have put together an emergency campaign - check it out here. I recall a certain episode of The Glasshouse where Wil Andreson cleverly referred...
Rigged record sales reports
So sorry to tell you that nothing can be done - the charts are manipulated and not related to actual sales at all, even if the sales are at the polled stores which ‘count’.
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Yeah - they’re related to how much stock is in stores. I dare someone to make 100,000 CDs and release it so it goes to #1! :D
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in that case, I think we should all pitch in and open up our own HMV franchise, and order 200,000 copies of that Summerland kid’s song
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Jesse McCartney. Isn’t he that kid from that quasi-religious beach soap, ‘Summerland’, which is curiously set to return to our screens this Sunday, in 7th Heaven’s old timeslot?
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I was just thinking that too
I had no idea it was Sandilands behind it. Scary stuff. Here’s my take on it:
http://www.djkl.com/news/comments.php?id=40
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Man…
Blokes who look like Krull the conqueror really shouldn’t pout.
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She’s dropped from 13 to 14 this week on the aria charts
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Immoral indignation of bullies
I hate bullies i get called mong byt shitheads in the town where i live it is ital shiotheadas dangerous bastard who use such sterm but they thin they are voice of common sense If you talk back to them they have this derrnaged immoral indignation reaction they are total shiotheadas I dont know what you’re like i am, just saying that for publicity for my view.
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geezus i wondered how that song even got airplay girls are sexy made out of pepsi boys are rotten made out of cotton! please even there i’d rather buy an american teeny bopper artists music. may the music force be with you! wheres the classics these days. :( hmm i usually tell all the people don’t buy your cd’s from sanity. as their the majority of cd stores in australia and they just order crap music, the more crap music they order the more it goes to the top 20. you don’t buy it there, they order less = less crap on charts = more ‘real’ music being heard = stuff the generation can grow up with and call a classic!