April 03, 2005

Fuck It (I Want A Big Mac)

I can’t believe it - I’ve followed through on something!

Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to offer for your downloading “pleasure” the new single from ausculture.com and a hopeful money-spinner for all involved - Fuck It (I Want A Big Mac). All that’s left is for the song to become an underground Aussie hit, eventually SMASHING into the US charts and becoming a radio favourite - and then, friends, then we make McDonald’s cough up some serious cash.

Now for those who are curious and find my hungover marble-mouthed rap-posturing difficult to understand, here are the lyrics.

Fuck It (I Want A Big Mac)
what up, motherchuckers
now how does it go?
y’all up in my grill
with your whoobangin’ hoes
and I’m ballin’ at da bang
and i’m blingin’ till I blow
and ma nizzles they be shoutin’ out
“jessie’s got da flow!”
cos she’s fo shizzzzzzzle

so you can step back
and take your time
best be soakin’ up my wisdom
while i’m flowin’ with my rhymes
and the chizzlin little wankstas
they’ll be thinkin’ its a crime
it’s bootsie to be hungry
when it’s always Mac Time

gimme a Big Mac
(blazin’ at the drive-thru)
gimme a Big Mac
(and an extra for my boo)
it’s so cheesey
(a delicious, yummy Big Mac)
it’s fo heezey
(i would like to say again “Big Mac”)

are you listening, Eamon?
i be puttin’ you on blast!
you’re a frontin’ baby cracker
best be regrettin’ your past
you were bitching
“fuck it, everybody
i don’t want her back”
well you know what I be wantin’, clown?
a juicy Big Mac, mmmmmmm

(blazin’ at the drive thru)
gimme a Big Mac
(and an extra for my boo)
it’s so cheesey
(a delicious, yummy Big Mac)
it’s fo heezey
(i would like to say again “Big Mac”)

Rightio.

Here’s a few things you should look out for and the reasons behind doing them - y’all ready? Yo.

• The full on Aussie accent. Missy ‘Misdemeanour’ Higgins has proven recently that being grouse and tops and having an accent that sounds like you’re ordering a tinny of VB in a country pub after a hard day’s sheep shearing in your songs needn’t be a hindrance when it comes to being successful on the charts. Ditto The Waifs (“Broiiiiiiiiiiyyyyyyydel traaaaaaaaaaaayn…” etc). Therefore, it seemed a very good idea indeed to rap the entire thing with a dash of Strine. My deep throaty post-huge night out voice only helps matters.
• I give myself props in the first verse - a healthy ego is key when it comes to being a huge rap star.
• Then I refer to myself in the third-person (she’s fo shizzle, indeed!)
• You did notice “motherchuckers”, didn’t you?
• Useless back up vocals which are meant to sound like the aroused howling of a posse of bootylicious “bitches”.
• Second verse - I start a FIGHT with ANOTHER RAPPER with no provocation! Rivalry and insulting one another through song is simply tradition in the world of rap. DMX & Ja Rule! Eminem & Everlast! 50 Cent & The Game! Foxy Brown & The Littlest Hobo Kim! Jay-Z & Nas! Dr Dre & Eazy-E! In fact, to NOT start\continue a feud in your rap lyrics is considered a faux-pas in hip hop circles. My target is uber-wanker Eamon, who had a “hit” last year with the abysmal Fuck It (I Don’t Want You Back). Revenge is mine - he totally got served.
• Out of nowhere, it jumps back to the matter at hand - BIG MACS. Mmmm. Big Macs. Yes, Big Macs.
• And the keyboard bit at the end? Really adds a delightful 8 Mile dimension to the whole affair. Yes indeed.

It’s weird - I know the song is awful and yet I have a strange sort of affection for it. I suppose it is the musical equivalent of having an unattractive, stupid child. Plus I enjoyed researching the “street slang” - I gave our old friend Marcia Hines a call, and she was most helpful.

Well, I’ve done all I can do. Someone call Kyle and tell him Ms Jaber contributed a backing vocal, and we’re all ready to rock’n’roll rap!

PS: Most of all, I really REALLY wanted to use a sample of another song in the track, as that’s what all the great rappers do. I had planned to use this bit of Delta Goodrem singing with cracking emotional intensity in the Brian McFadden duet, but I couldn’t fit it in. Still, heh - makes me laugh every time I hear it.

PPS: The embargo is OVER and we have some VERY EXCITING Delta-based things planned for the site. I don’t want to give too much away, but let’s just say someone purchased the world’s best biography today. Shizzle.

Posted by Jess at April 3, 2005 10:05 PM
— Filed under Common

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