March 11, 2005
Warning To All Pop Starlets
ACHTUNG! Do not attempt to sound deep and more knowledgeable about rock music than you actually are in an effort to gain “credibility”. Most indie\rock folk, adorably close-minded beings that they are, would rather jam fifty copies of the Backstreet Boys Greatest Hits into their anus without lubrication than give a pop star an ounce of respect. They couldn’t give a damn whether your CD collection contains New Kids or Nick Drake - you’ll never be cool enough.
And you only make matters worse when you start spouting off stuff that is clearly, undeniably wrong. Not just in ausculture.com’s eyes, but in the eyes of everyone with a bit of sense who ever lived anywhere in the world ever, full stop end of story.
Take everyone’s favourite Irish jig-loving younger sibling, Ms Ashlee Simpson. Last night I stumbled across this article in the Denver Post where Ashlee has blatantly tried to convince a journalist of her non-pop cred.
HAHAHAHAHA. Now, Bjork - that’s fine. Fiona Apple? Preaching to the choir here, dollface. But Courtney Love is an amazing guitarist?! Hush child, do not speak of what ye do not know. Courtney Love is a fucking ordinary guitarist. Bless her, it’s sort of endearing. She can’t really sing, either. But her song writing usually gets her through because when she’s doing that well, she’s doing it really well. But to rate her as a guitarist? Darling, NO! You are simply revealing your ignorance when it comes to all things guitar.
It reminds me of a great story from Courtney Love’s biography. Courtney was filming the Alex Cox flick Straight To Hell with Clash maestro Joe Strummer in the late eighties, and one night after a few beverages, Courtney - a massive Clash fan - confessed to Joe that once she got back to LA, she was planning on starting a band and becoming a rock star. Joe replied supportively “That’s wonderful, although you are the worst guitarist I’ve ever heard.”
Posted by Jess at March 11, 2005 11:01 AM— Filed under Common
I think she IS and awesome guitarist for somebody who is missing four fingers.
Unfortunately I think she has a full set of digits.
It’s also important to note that compared to inanimate objects who play guitar, Courtney is remarkably better. Though my toaster could possibly give her a run for her money.
And once I dropped my guitar and it made a sound that sounded EXACTLY like an early Hole song! (I kid, oh sensitive Hole-y peeps)