March 03, 2005
The Sporting Lopezian Trend Continues
Five months after leaving Delta’s metaphorical beautiful garden uprooted and possibly with one or two weeds knowing his penchant in the past for tending numerous ‘garden beds’ simultaneously - although as we all know, ausculture.com firmly believes that despite his past as a ‘gardening obsessed’ rogue, he wasn’t ploughing Paris Hilton at the same time as Delta - The Poo has decided it’s time to hang up his ‘trowel of love’ and settle down with his eighteen year old heiress, Alexis Barbara - he’s getting hitched! And was that the longest sentence ever? Yes!
It’s obvious that The Poo has done a Lleyton - he’s seen his form improve over the short time the relationship has been in existence, and he’s not prepared to risk letting that go. While here at ausculture.com we wish the couple luck in their loving endeavour, we can’t help but point out some important differences in the Lleyton \ Poo situation that we feel Mark Philippoussis may have overlooked.
- Ms Barbara’s distinct lack of Cleft Chin
And that’s about it. But it’s quite important, isn’t it? Everyone who’s anyone has either developed a bum chin of their own (ie Prince Frederick) or married someone with a bum chin in order to gain their power (ie Princess Mary). Before The Poo settles down with his nubile heiress, perhaps he should make one last-ditch effort to find a Cleft Chin of his very own?
In fact, surely Tennis Australia could pay for a world wide search, a la INXS’s Rock Star telly show, since The Poo’s affiliation with a Cleft Chin owning lover can only boost Australian tennis rankings?
Newk - I know you’re reading. Do what you have to do, champ.
Update - It seems for every impending celebrity marriage, one must be sacrificed to make room. Today it was announced that Denise Richards has filed for divorce from Charlie Sheen citing ‘irreconcilable differences’.
Speculating why people - celebrities or just regular folks - have decided to end a relationship can be futile at the best of times, but one can’t help but wonder whether Charlie’s previous well-known affection for hookers and sexing loads of different women might be the cause of the split.
Considering Denise Richards is six months pregnant with their second child, it seems a rather sudden separation which would more than likely be triggered by a specific incident rather than simply growing apart over time. Of course, we might be wrong - it wouldn’t be the first time!
Good God, when did we turn into fucking Woman’s Day?
(runs away)
Posted by Jess at March 3, 2005 09:53 AM— Filed under Common
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cleftiness
Um, I’m a bit confused. I happen to be the proud owner of a cleft chin, and i took great pride in this feature when you broke the whole bec - cleft chin - lleyton thang (although why oh why did he drop our kimmy?). In fact its my second-best feature (after my ankles).
But now you are clling them bum chins, and I am considering an extreme makeover to puff it out with a little bit of lipo-injection (i reckon i could do it at home and save on the medical costs). So do I start wearing the bag over my head again, and accentuate my ankles with sandles and high hemlines on my jeans, or do I just thrust my chin out there for all to see?
yours, confused
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Was just looking for a site like this, thanks
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Can you imagine the Poo giving his wedding vows? It would be worse than a eulogy! His eyes would be downcast, shoulders slumped… “Do you, Mark Spartacus Themistocles Phillipoussis, take this woman’s hand in marriage…”
The poo would shrink further into his shoes, shrug non-committaly and in a mumbled voice intone, “Umm… yeah… I suppose… its my decision and I don’t think its anybody’s business…”
And with a frightened glance at the crowd, he would whisper “I sort of wish you guys hadn’t requested Out of the Blue for my wedding song… gee gosh , I don’t know…I can’t do this, if anyone needs me I’ll be eating lunch in the back of my Ferrari.”