February 02, 2005
This Man Is A Jizzbucket: Discuss
smh.com.au have published a debate between Bernard Zuel and John Shand. The question? Whether or not Australian Idol is good for the local record industry.
Bernard Zuel has written a case for Australian Idol (and I agree with his points), and some tossrag bloke called John Shand has written the case against. Let’s see what he had to say, eh? And for the sake of it, what he really meant to say…
This is because I am desperately cool and choose to listen to Icelandic indie bands. Are you envious of me? Would you like to try on my beret?
In fact, if I had my way, there would be no radio or video music television stations. Instead, music would only be heard by those who deserve to listen to it. We’d have a club, let’s just call it The Cool Cats Club for the sake of it. I would be president and I would choose fifty people intelligent and clever enough to deserve to be on the door list, and we’d all listen to unintelligible wailings from dreadful indie bands and gently masturbate through a hole in our trench coat pockets. That’d be touching, would it?
Heh, I said ‘banal’ which is nearly ‘anal’. Oddly appropriate, don’t you think, since my head is wedged so far up my rectum. Have I told you about my massive penis yet? It thinks that Radiohead sold out. And what’s with CDs, anyway? Everyone knows real music lovers listen to vinyl. Why was I so misunderstood during my youth? I feel lonely. Hold me.
Wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank. Did you know that pop music did not exist before Australian Idol? Woe is the world. By the way, I was totally into world music before it sold out. Baaba Maal is completely commercial.
Did you know that even accidentally hearing the Australian Idol single can ruin you for life? Once you hear the warblings of Casey Donovan, you can no longer appreciate the magic and splendour of Tongan acid-house folk music. I remember loving Sigur Ros before they sold out. Do you like tofu? I don’t, it’s become so mainstream these days. I prefer to eat the regurgitated clumps of grass produced by my trusty Labradoodle when he is feeling ill. I had a Labradoodle before they became mainstream, by the way. Pet shops totally sold out.
PhD (Hardcore Indie-ness)
BA (Patronising Wankerism)
What are your thoughts - is John Shand a misunderstood genius, or an irritating wannabe hip spank stain?
Posted by Jess at February 2, 2005 10:07 AM— Filed under Common
Comments / Trackbacks (URI)
Is it just me, or does the defence of Australian Idol say nothing more than, “it’s shit, but because some people don’t like it they’ll invent something better to replace it”?
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The man has one good point - the oversinging point. The rest is the usual elitist twaddle of people who think pop music is a personal attack on their soul-fuelled hipsterism.
Idol is a marketer’s dream - a synergistic exercise much more soulless than it pretends to be. But that’s the cogs behind it. The talent itself is not to blame, and it’s as valid a way for an artist to break out as how anybody who hit it big last year did. (Missy Misdemeanour Higgins, anyone?)
The public is proven to like dross, but that doesn’t mean everything the public likes is dross, and Idol is one of the better examples of that there is. The man hates manufactured music, not just Idol, except he doesn’t know that just because something’s ‘soulless’ doesn’t mean it can’t be great to listen to.
Plus, I bet he didn’t start liking Sigur Ros until everybody else did. And he secretly loves ‘The O.C.’
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I don’t disagree at ALL with the fact that some Idol’s (cough Anthony cough) are a bit bland and dull and typical shallow fodder for horny teenage girls\boys who don’t particularly care about the quality of music.
But it makes entertaining television (at times, other times it makes you want to dig your eyes out with popper straws) and I still think (unfashionable as it may be) that when Guy Sebastian discovers sex, leaves Family First and abandons writing touching love songs about Krytonite, he’ll come through with a brilliant funk-pop album. Seriously. I heard parts of his first album and one song - No One Can Compare (To You) - was great.
So while it digs up it’s fair share of shit, I still think that it might also dig up the odd gem who just wouldn’t get a chance otherwise. It’s not like EVERY SINGLE PERSON ON IDOL is talentless. It’s not like EVERY SINGLE PERSON ON IDOL hasn’t been working their arse off singing and dancing and waiting for an opportunity like this.
And as you say, Missy Higgins - and Grinspoon from memory - can thank a radio talent show for their careers. Oh, but that’s Triple J which therefore makes it legitimate and cool.
Mostly though, I just hate that smarmy “I know better than every one else” attitude that oozes through his whingey words. Don’t like it? Don’t listen to it. But why oh why throw a strop and act indignant like it’s THE END OF CULTURE AS WE KNOW IT! It’s pop culture, let it pop and chill out.
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“Heh, I said ‘banal’ which is nearly ‘anal’. Oddly appropriate, don’t you think, since my head is wedged so far up my rectum. Have I told you about my massive penis yet? ” Best 2 lines ever. EVER, EVER I TELLS YA!
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idol sucks
he’s right, idol sucks. but he’s also a wanker. if people want to watch idol, and they like it then that’s great. if other really good artists are truely ‘able to touch us’ (yeah baby) then everyone will like them, they’ll get gigs and be noticed eventually. If however they only appeal to a small audience then that small audience should support them (or apply for a government arts grant).