October 25, 2004
Thinking out loud: various products
I earlier mentioned something about sports versions of popular products. You know - what the hell is sports water? Why aren’t there sports cigarettes? Why did they at one time try to call moisturiser “sports gel” and sell it to men at twice the price?
I find that all rather pointless though and, as such, it has no place on ausculture.com. Instead I’m going to talk about two things that have seemingly disappeared from the marketplace and why I wish they hadn’t.
First up is a line of drinks called “Solis.” They were a type of fruit juice in glass bottle and were usually available in service stations. They fit into this category of “functional” drinks or perhaps dietary supplements as they contained vitamins, guarana and any number of other herbal ingredients.
Health supplements aside; I thought the beverages were excellent because:
- They came in glass bottles
- They weren’t carbonated
- They weren’t overly sweet and yet they didn’t taste like someone had refilled a juice bottle with water without rinsing it first a-la flavoured waters.
Interestingly, they weren’t promoted as sports drinks like mizone and sports water (which has recently been rebranded active water). I always thought the fructose in mizone was only going to give you a stomach cramp if you used it while exercising but I’m no sports nutritionist.
Still the availability of those Solis drinks got worse and worse until now I might stumble across them once in six months. That’s disappointing. Perhaps like blue pepsi no-one ever drank them?
The second issue is a television commercial that was airing earlier this year about a packet of paper towels (viva?) convincing a toy robot to make a woman spill some drink… using the lure of a barbie doll. I thought this ad was excellent. More specifically I thought the toy robot was excellent. Shortly before the ad stopped being aired the producers of the commercial did something I can only describe as pure evil. They changed the excellent robotic voice to some other abomination and completely destroyed the whole vibe of the advertisement.
does anyone know the ad I’m talking about? The robot hits the dolls head on the wall as he motors past and says “Oh, sorry.” Pure excellence.
That advertisement was pure excellence. Whether or not it sold paper towels should be irrelevant. If someone made a television show about that robot I would watch it.
If anyone has any info on either of these then let me know.
Posted by Patrick at October 25, 2004 06:09 PM— Filed under Common
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good ads
One of my personal favourites is the “Good Guys” retailers ad where this shit of a kid smashes his dad’s TV set with a cricket bat and then sheepishly grins whilst singing the Beach Boy’s “Good Vibrations”. To make matters worse he has the gall to take his cricket bat into the “Good Guys” store while his father forks out hard earned coal-mining dollars for a new 38cm black and white TV!
This kid is paraded around the store like some modern day Bradman when in reality he’s little more than a violent and destructive terror who should be watching TV with Chopper in Long Bay jail.
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My most hated ads at the moment are those ricockulous “Focus and the City” crap that you get subjected to in every ad break of Sex and the City. Wow, they take a theme from the show and work it into the Ford ad without retaining any wit or charm of the original, how clever!
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I hate the ridiculous minging child who sprays his mother with Fanta or whatever, and she looks momentarily stern but then produces a hose and soaks him too! Oh, what wacky japes! Because they can clean it up with ULTRA ABSORBENT PAPER TOWELS YOU KNOW!
What a repulsive, messy family. I bet that mother is into golden showers.
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That’s the viva ad…Why would they keep that one running and drop the robot one?
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Solis. I can picture it now. The unnecessarily heavy and unwieldy bottle. The fruity and evocative packaging. The bewildering but not altogether surprising marketing marriage between raw, volatile emotions like “Lust” and “Bliss” and the act of, you know, gulping down vitamin water.
As a Melburnianite, I can vouch for the fact that these beverages have always been much more readily available in Sydney. And furthermore, it’s only in the last week that I’ve started to see TV ads for the stuff, suggesting that the fiendish people at Solis Command Centre are gearing up for a massive assault on the national market.
So it only makes solid commercial sense, on the verge of a major nationwide push, that you can’t find the stuff in stores to save yourself.
(Also: A Google search turned up this page http://www.dhhs.tas.gov.au/alcoholanddrugs/info/energydrinks.html, which suggests an altogether more sinister possibility for the disappearance of your favourite chunky, additive-fueled beverage. Have you noticed any extra limbs or a tendency towards superpowers lately, Patrick?)
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No superpowers or extra limbs… yet.
I like the cumbersome bottles. As it is now I drink powerade normally - but I suspect drinking salts all the time isn’t all that great.
I should probably explain at this point that most of the time I drink tap water. It’s just that if I do have to get a drink while I’m out I simply can’t bear to face a carbonated drink most of the time. I know there’s boost juice but they’re even more expensive and I find the wait annoying.
Solis originally had a version of their drinks that contained Creatine. I’m surprised they got away with that for as long as they did.
As for the television commercials, I had no idea they had started advertising on TV. No doubt if the drinks became popular I would no longer drink them!
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Ditto. That’s the one I meant. AWFUL!
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Solis
I love Solis drinks. The taste is far better than the usual watered down cordial. Plus, I liked that instead of offering increased tension and heart-racing (caffeine), they said they were offering tranquillity.
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Ahh, posts like these are the essence of blogging. I think that often gets lost somewhere along the way.
I have no idea about either one btw, except my intense dislike for the ‘life is v. messy. viva’ commercial with that pathetic mother/son water fight. Every time it starts up I think it’s one of those Christian family ads, or maybe even a Salvation Army ad. They somehow have the same lighting quality. It really gives me a weird feeling. One, because it’s so unrealistic. And two, because the way the mother frighteningly cackles as she sprays her brat of a kid (her kitchen was somehow fitted with an industrial hose). Insane! (Actually, on further reflection I think it’s undoubtedly a US ad, which is dubbed, rebranded and sent over here. They never really work.)
I’m not a big fan of the water spray ad either… that one doesn’t seem at all suitable for an Australian audience. I also think it’s generally crappy.
I thought the toy robot ad was excellent, partly because when you’re paying very little attention (which happens with TV) it takes a couple of viewings to get the ad - the original robotic voice was a bit hard to understand too. I just can’t understand why they changed the voice…
As for the Christian and Salvo ads, I know I’ve seen plenty but I can’t actually remember any specific ones.