October 24, 2004
Love Match! Baby, Love Match!
In news that has shocked the entire non-cynical population of this proud nation, it would appear that Paris Hilton is bragging about her new relationship with Mark Philippoussis. The Poo!
But this makes no sense to ausculture.com as The Poo is in love with Delta and they are just fine together, thank you very much. I’m sorry, Paris, but he has no time for you and your saucy video ways! He and Delta are the real thing, they love each other, they’re still together and Out Of The Blue is available at all good record stores so buy it now. This whole “Poo Porking Paris” scenario is simply unfathomable. Next they’ll be telling us that he has a thing for attractive bimbos like Tara Reid and Anna Kournikova and has a history of thinking with his cock!
According to Paris “Could You Withdraw Momentarily, Mr Shannon Doherty, My Cell Phone Is Ringing…” Hilton, The Poo has dumped Delta because he found her “boring”. Well, that doesn’t sound right to me - I hardly think Ms Girl Next Door could be considered dull. In fact, Delta’s thrusty ARIA stage presence simply proved what a hornbag she really must be. I simply don’t understand a world where a fiery Mediterranean like The Poo chooses to leave Erotic Delta V2.0 in favour of Paris Hilton. As IF Delta couldn’t out-shag Paris!
Yet despite the fact every bone - nay, every blood vessel in my body - says otherwise, more and more evidence is emerging which hints that Delta Goodrem and The Poo are no more. I am grieving as I type away, listening to Delta’s touching ode to love (out now at all good records stores, incidently). “There’s just no way that I can fight this emotion, your energy running through me, no one can renew me like you - out of the blue… can this be true?” Sniffle. Apparently not.
In yet another shocking turn of events, Lleyton Hewitt has been shockingly dumped by fiancee Kim Clijsters just four months before their wedding. While Lleyton and the rest of the world have been scratching their heads in wonder and puzzlement since news broke of the tennis pair’s relationship bust-up, ausculture.com - canny Cupid-like love doctors that we are - have seen this event for what it really is. It is the hand of God working in the name of love.
Delta Goodrem-Poo + Lleyton Hewitt = Love Match!
He’s looking for a new lady friend, she’s already proven herself to be a fan of tennis stars and the Australian Open, they’re both Aussie stars - they are perfect together!
I cannot wait to hear the pop releases this inevitable love match will inspire.
Posted by Jess at October 24, 2004 04:59 PM— Filed under Common