October 15, 2004
Friday News Wrap!
Last night it was revealed to me by God that I have gone against my own blogging morals and been writing a lot of stuff about me and my opinions. Disgusting, boring, and self-gratifying. I am aware of this and from now will avoid inflicting this kind of stuff on you all. I have learned my lesson. Back to our old past time of slagging rubbish celebrities, revelling in unsubstantiated gossip and… drum roll please… a Friday News Wrap!
Tim from The Office is a champ. It is comforting then that the man who plays him, Martin Freeman, appears to be a refreshingly cheeky bloke with a distaste for pretension. According to the world’s most reputable newspaper (bar The Weekly World News) The Sun, Freeman was being interview on a British radio show when he noticed the host, Tim Lovejoy, wearing an oh-so-fashionable t-shirt. After Freeman realised Lovejoy may in fact be suffering from Ramones Syndrome*, the following exchange took place.
Martin: “Is that a Ramones T-shirt Tim?”
Lovejoy: “Er, yes.”
Martin “Do you actually know any Ramones songs?”
Lovejoy: (silence)
Martin: “Can you name two albums?”
Lovejoy: “Er, no.”
Martin: “Thought not.”
Amusing as that chat may be, the high light of this article from the Bizarre column has to be Victoria Newton’s condescending attempt to ridicule Tim Lovejoy by spouting off some Ramones trivia she no doubt picked up via our good friend Google. God love her.
Side Splitting Hollywood Hijinx Ahoy! Matt Damon has revealed some cheeky laddish tales from the set of Ocean’s Twelve. Apparently George Clooney, a notorious on-set prankster, was so taken aback by the success of a gag masterminded by Mr Brad Pitt, he was forced to take drastic revenge. Damon confided in Vogue that George got own back on Pitt by slapping a bumper sticker on his car that read “Small Penis Onboard.” Chortle! Apparently Brad couldn’t work out why people were looking at him and waving! Well, I suppose waving and smiling and stares don’t happen very often when you’re an un-pranked world sex symbol.
Speaking of Matt Damon - the star of The Bourne Identity has also opened up about finding that “special someone”. Namely, he has and that special someone is ex J-Lo fiancé and rumoured Garner affiliate Ben Affleck. “I can well imagine growing old with him.” said Matt. Awwwwwwww.
Let’s take a moment to send our best wishes to Schappelle Leigh Corby, the Australian arrested in Bali for possessing more than four kilograms of marijuana. Waiting in a cell for two months while others decide whether or not to charge you with a crime which could see you executed for drug trafficking must be unfathomably stressful and upsetting. On the upside, Schappelle could well be the only person in an Indonesian jail who looks like they’re on their way to Cargo Bar.
British pop band Busted have declared they’re proud to be Tories. Could the Liberals pull off a similar showbiz coup Down Under by getting the Mercury 4 lads onside? Anything’s got to be an improvement on rugby head, political wunderkind and ex-Big Brother star Ben Williams who has spent the last few years metaphorically felching Richard Howard’s arse. Using the word “metaphorically” means we won’t get sued, right Patrick? Incidentally - that last link to Miranda Devine’s opinion piece is quite amusing. Apparently Williams and a couple of suited up, prematurely ejaculating Young Liberals attending the Coalition victory party - plus the death of Jacques Derrida - constitutes concrete proof that the “yoof” love Howard and his continual success isn’t just due to fear tatics aimed at mortgaged middle-aged folk and Alan Jones loving pensioners.
Chris Rock has been chosen to host The Oscars next year. Personally I’m not much of a Chris Rock fan - watching his acting in Dogma hurts me as it appears he adopted the Leonardo DiCaprio circa Romeo+Juliet method of acting where reciting lines in a sing song voice is a suitable replacement for portraying actual emotion and meaning. However, he was mildly amusing at the VMA Awards this year, so he may end up kicking some booty. In any case, the FCC must be drooling at the number of potential fines they will probably be able to enforce after Rock’s opening monologue.
Continuing the trend of remaking retro television shows into blockbuster movies, Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx are apparently going to star in the new version of Miami Vice. Meanwhile, ausculture.com eagerly await the big screen debut of Doogie Howser MD. Don’t let us down, Spielberg!
Disgruntled union members in Sweden have blown their funds on dildos and hookers. Could this be the future for unions in Oz over the next three years? Meanwhile, Ukrainian voters being wooed by politicians offering free stripteases in the lead up to the presidential elections. After hearing about the offer, Opposition Leader Mark Latham reportedly said “Fucking ball bags! Why the fuck didn’t we think of that? Shithouse work, Labor strategists!”
Saucer of milk alert! David Letterman has spent the last week taking the piss out of Jay Leno after Leno announced he’d be retiring and handing over the coveted NBC “Tonight Show” to Conan O’Brien… in five years. Many may remember the bad blood between Leno and Letterman began back in 1992 when Leno took over the hosting job from the famous Johnny Carson - against Carson’s wishes, who had barracked for Letterman to be his heir. Said Letterman this week about the latest developments “He’s going to be gone in five years. You know what this does? It saves NBC the cost of a team of wild horses!” Viewers should be happy as larry about the whole thing though - Conan O’Brien is hands down the funniest (as in, he’s actually funny!) late night talk show host in the States. Here’s hoping five years goes really quickly.
And that’s it for today!
Ramones Syndrome - an affliction which hits insecure wannabe-hip folk which results in them trying to enthusiastically align themselves with what they believe to be “alternative” trends in music and other aspects of culture. In many cases, *appearing to be “alternative” is considered more important than actually liking or understanding the “alternative” trend in the first place. Hence many young (and occasionally old!) people wandering about in Ramones\Sex Pistols\Nirvana t-shirts without any real clue as to the history and reasoning behind the apparent indie deity. The delicious irony of it all is that in most cases, the attempts at being “alternative” are so clichéd as to be amusingly mainstream.
Posted by Jess at October 15, 2004 03:07 PM— Filed under Common
Comments / Trackbacks (URI)
Ramones syndrome
Ramones Syndrome: "Can you name two albums? Thought not."
I can’t see you getting sued for “metaphorically”. However, using the un-American (and hence un-Australian these days) “arse” certainly will.
And stuff the film version of Doogie Howser, Starship Troopers was surely the “further adventures of…”. I look forward to Soleil Moon Fry’s (or is it Sun Lune Fry?) triumphant return in “Punky Brewster The Movie”. The potential subtitles include “Brewster gets Punkd”, “Daddy Brewster gets 20 years for paedophilia”, “Swing like a Punky”, “The College Years”, “Punky does Dallas” and “Punky gets laid”.
It must be Friday, someone stop me! A couple of beers, or failing that a kick in the arse, will do the trick. Who’s buying?
Reply to this
Okay, now I’m just in the mood to make up new television shows!
Saved By The Belle - hilarious sitcom where depressed Islamic American falls in love with Belle Bush, a Texan protestant minx! After changing religions and bleaching his skin, he finds true happiness voting Republican - but not before some rib-tickling crosscultural mishaps! Coming to Fox in 2005…
The Rocks is where it’s at for post-work beers tonight, apparently. At least in the sense that I’ll be having one or two beverages before going home and catching up on some sleep!
Reply to this
Speaking of The Rocks, I’ve gotten all confused by the timestamps and figured the evening has been and gone. You seem to be having a bit of a Playing Beatie Bow thing going there. Except this time to the future!!! I have an idea for a sequel…
Or even a TV show: Playing Beatty’s Beau, a reality tv show where Warren Beatty’s daughter humiliates potential (Republican) suitors by bringing them home to Dad. Actually, sounds familiar.
Need alcohol.
Reply to this
I’m about to start drinking. Anyone wanna join me?
Reply to this
Matt Damon could do so much more better than Ben Affleck. Josh Hartnett for example.
Reply to this
You know I dont mind the posts about you! Its good to get to know you more… you should have more stuff on your about page :)
Reply to this
Yeah like which profile is yours on schoolfriends.
Reply to this
You REALLY REALLY want to know which profile is mine, don’t you Pauly? haha! Actually, I’m thinking of updating it. Writing shite on your schoolfriends biography is quite therapeutic. I encourage you all to do.
Reply to this
Ahh but I also received a lot of kudos via email for recognising when I’m being self-indulgent! Which admittedly is something that pisses me off about other websites sometimes. They either get stuck for inspiration or they simply believe the grandeur of their day to day life warrants continual blog entries.
Obviously I’m not talking about blog blogs, since they’re MEANT to be about people’s lives and I really enjoy reading them.
Actually, I don’t know what I’m talking about. I need my morning coffee (which is sitting here waiting for me to throw it back!)
Reply to this
Ramones Syndrome
Ramones’ Syndrome sounds much like the affliction which renders useless the brains of people who wear Che Guevara t-shirts to peace marches.
Reply to this
Did you make up that term for Ramones Syndrome? Because I know exactly what you mean, I’ve just never had a decent word for it.
Actually yeah, it kinda came to me when I was writing up that paragraph and I let myself indulge in the post-script. Have I started a trend?! PLEASE SPREAD IT ROUND I AM DESPERATE FOR FAME!
Will do. I’ll try and use it at least once a day in a sentence, a la Clueless.
No pressure, feel free to use it ‘sporadically’.
PS: Knowing my luck, the phrase already exists anyways and my subconscious resurrected it just to taunt me.
Hmmm - does this count?
“The Seein Red stuff is pretty similar to their recent releases - real fast, no filler. I don’t know if it’s just me or not, but I think all their stuff is starting to sound the same, like they are recycling riffs and whatnot (AKA Ramones syndrome).”
It’s not quite my definition, but it does involve pretension. Should I rename my syndrome or simply promote it to the point that the above is quickly pulverised into submission?
Pulverise!
It is my instinct, admittedly…