August 03, 2004

Shannon Noll’s “TV Documentary”

Channel Ten’s Shannon Noll interview - which aired last night - has led to the Telegraph declaring him a “national treasure” (big call, kids!) but acting rather shocked by Shannon’s pot and hooker past. Truly amazing, considering it was the Telegraph who originally published an article on Shannon’s whoring history a month ago.

Shannon explained away his brothel hijinks by admitting “I had a crack when I was a kid, it was a life experience and you can’t die wondering about that stuff.” Right on, Noll! Sure, some sceptics might disagree with Shannon’s belief that visiting a hooker constitutes a “life experience” but what they don’t understand is that life is different in the country.

Kids in the suburbs learn to ride bikes. Kids in Condobolin learn to ride the town bike, saving their precious pennies during the drought in order to afford this touching (in every sense) right of passage.

What’s shameful - and ausculture.com believes should become an election issue - is that some rural teenagers can’t even afford to pay for full intercourse with their local lady of the night, and instead are forced to resort to cheaper (but infinately less satisfying and life-changing) hand-to-gland massage from the calloused, spunk-encrusted fists of an farm girl floozy.

Why should country kids miss out on important “life experiences” when their city-living cousins can pound all the top quality working girls they desire? Surely there should be some kind of Government funded bordello created to keep our farm-dwelling fellow citizens satisifed? Ahem. Moving on…

Highlights of last night’s album re-launch (cleverly disguised as a TV documentary) included the afore-mentioned prostitute confession, and an insightful look into the future of Shannon Noll’s hair line thanks to slightly nepotistic appearances of his shiny-scalped brothers Adam and Damien. From memory, one of them claims credit for creating the “flavour savour” and the other is possibly touching Reggie Bird’s naughty bits at the moment - both dubious claims to fame at best.

Finally, the most surprising discovery during the entire proceedings was that Dicko wasn’t as good a host as you’d expect. Some might have thought that since Dicko has managed to outshine most people on screen during both Idol seasons, he’d be a barrel of wit and shenanigans but instead he was reduced to predictable staged interactions, plenty of arse-kissing and one bad testicle joke. It’d be far more interesting to see Dicko hosting a show where he interviewed people he wasn’t so obviously madly in love with (in the platonic sense, of course).

Posted by Jess at August 3, 2004 12:51 PM
— Filed under Common , Music Musings , The Topic Of Television

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