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February 5, 2007

Assorted Things To Begin Your Working Week.

NUMBER ONE
Your first piece of reading for this morning… was Malcolm X a gayer? Quite an interesting article. Sure, I could have blogged about it when it was published in the middle of 2005 but I’ve been busy, people!

NUMBER TWO
It’s been over two weeks since I found it through Defamer and this YouTube clip is still thrilling me to bits.

Better click and enjoy the merriment of hearing Tootie from The Facts Of Life gleefully exclaiming “Boooooong! Boooooong! Booooong!” and Mrs Garrett using the phrase “I’m not one to look a gift-bong in the mouth” (a term which I have immediately placed at the top of my mental list of Party Quips) before the clip is pulled down due to copyright restrictions or some such malarkey. Kill, Ubu! Kill! Good dog.

NUMBER THREE
ANYONE HERE WATCH NEIGHBOURS? Well, coming up quite soon - I’ll confirm closer to the date when my dear Neighbours insider gives me the lowdown - there will be an episode where one character refers to another as a “sezbian”. Look familiar, does it?

WE MADE IT UP RIGHT HERE ON AUSCULTURE JUST OVER ONE YEAR AGO!

Hopefully this means the word will enter the global pop cultural lexicon! Or at the very least it’ll be used by London students who sit around all day smoking Jamaican skunk and watching the goings on of Ramsay Street in between runs to the kitchen for more Pot Noodles.

Coming soon to Neighbours: Susan explains to Lynn that her nasty itchy rash is simply “sexema” caused by having a super-randy Karl constantly rubbing himself all over her. Ahem. I’m working on that one right now, get back to me in a month…

NUMBER FOUR
LISTEN! Why, if I’m not mistaken, it’s one of the original Sugababes who left the group because the girls were total bitches to her and taunted her by speaking their own language which she couldn’t understand a word of and generally making her miserable etc! AND SHE’S VERY GOOD!

NUMBER FIVE
Who knows how to have a good time (other than Tootie)? Paris bloody Hilton, that’s who - or at least that’s the conclusion you could safely draw after checking out reports of the home video which was simply one item in an exciting collection of Hilton things being exhibited on the now defunct parisexposed.com. Let’s see - a man splattered with cocaine here, a chilled out pup named Prince there… No wonder she sounds cheery when she exclaims “Hi bitches…I have the best pot…Let’s smoke some fucking herb right here.” That’s hot.

Less hot is the visual place you’ll go to when you discover she’s also muttered delightful statements like “That looks like my ———- on a bad day, after being ——ed by ten n—-ers”. And not quite done with the topic of being done up the tradesman’s, she also admits “I get ——ed in the —— for coke.” I’ll assume that last part is her joking cheekily, like when Jared Leto says he’s “gay as a goose” in an interview or when chums tell me “Jess, for the last time - that’s inappropriate touching and I’ll thank you to remove your hand from my upper thigh”. LOLOLOL @ MI KRAZEE FRENZ!!!1!

NUMBER SIX
Reasons to continue liking The Ginger Prince better than The Pretty One With The Receding Hairline? He lists his interests on his FaceBook account as “eating, crying, screaming, pooing and weekends”. Steal his shtick and update your MySpazz pages accordingly.

More rubbish links and news as it comes to hand. Oooh, I’m liking this internerd-at-home caper!

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