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January 24, 2007

Joanna Newsom Isn’t As Highbrow As You’d Think.

Have we all heard of high pitched warbler Joanna Newsom? She had a rather successful solo record called The Milk-Eyed Mender (2004) and has just released her follow-up titled “Ys” (pronounced “Eeees”… if you wanna be anything like yours truly and Clem when we back announce this on the rayjo - and really, you don’t want to be as we are bloody idiots most of the time - you should squeal this as loudly and irritatingly as possible).

All very nice, isn’t it? Oooh, she plays the harpsichord! Gosh, she’s toured with Will Oldham and Devendra Banhart! Van Dyke Parks arranged her latest album! She looks all elfin and sweet as though she’s just left the family home in the forests of Lothlorien to try and make it in the music business!

I PUT IT TO YOU THAT JOANNA NEWSOM IS A CHEEKY DEVIL WHO WATCHES DODGY HOME PORNOS FEATURING EX-SAVED BY THE BELL STARS.

“GASP!”

Yes! And furthermore, not only does she enjoy viewing such unclassy material, but she actually wrote a song about the whole experience and were it not for some lackey at the record company mishearing the title of the song, the above snippet of information would, in fact, be well known around the traps!

“EXPLAIN YOURSELF, WOMAN!”

Right. The first single from EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!!!!!! is called Sawdust & Diamonds.

OR IS IT?

I firmly believe the title of the song was originally meant to be….

“YES?”

SAW DUSTIN DIAMOND’S! OPEN PARENTHESIS! PENIS! CLOSE PARENTHESIS!

“………”

I’ll stop drinking coffee now and get my coat. I’m so sorry.