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January 13, 2007

Farewell, My Darling Fop!

So I’ve been busy. I apologise profusely (YET AGAIN ETC) but you see, I’ve kinda had my hands full.

WHAT’S HAPPENING, JESS? I CARE, TRULY I DO!

Thank you for asking. Alright, here’s the go - my beloved best chum, personal “gay” and manager (who keeps me relevant to my core audience of homosexuals and children, allegedly) Mr William Fop Esq. is leaving the country.

WTF?!

I KNOW! Naturally I’ve tried during the last two weeks to spend as much time as humanly possible with him.

UNDERSTANDABLE!

Lemme tell you a little bit about one of my favourite human beings on the planet.

Will was the first person I met through this blogging caper. Now, before Will came into my world I had absolutely no plans to ever meet anyone from the internet. Making friends with people from the web was something anti-social losers who had no real life associates did. But Will had consistently made me laugh on email and on his extremely brilliant blog so when he moved to Sydney for a couple of months back in late-2004 and admitted he was finding it a bit hard, I figured “What the hell? I’ll meet him for coffee. What is there to be afraid of?”

And so on a breezy October evening, Will and I made a date to meet in the city. Being mildly concerned that he’d be an axe-wielding psychopath who regularly feigned a passion for the Minogues in order to lure vulnerable young lasses for skim lattes with a side of sexual assault, I hid behind a pillar near our designated meeting spot and waited to see just who arrived.

Cut to the arrival of a handsome young man wearing a beret and an extremely colour co-ordinated outfit. I sauntered over, we introduced ourselves - and fell immediately in love.

Before too long we found ourselves constantly on the phone to each other between the hours of nine to five when we should have been working. It was Will who clutched me by the arm back when I was feeling lost and confused and hated my office job and told me he believed I could do radio or writing or whatever the hell it is I wanted to do. It was Will who recommended me to the lovely Jo and Cam from 2SER and hooked up the weekly appearance on their Wednesday Breakfast show. It was Will who - along with people like Ms Fits, Fluffy, Genny B, Sugar & Hotman, Dirty Derek, Matty B, and countless others - showed me around Melbourne when I was visiting in mid-2005 and made it feel so much like home for me that I decided to move here. It was Will who went to check out apartments for me whilst I packed up my life in Sydney. And it was Will who would call and check on me all the time when I first got here to make sure I wasn’t having a nervous breakdown/was aware of the latest Girls Aloud gossip.

And since moving down here, I’ve been rather up and down - and all the while, there was Will. Making me laugh, talking me through various turmoils, buying me lunch and coffees and visiting my crack den of a barn with a copy of Madonna’s “I’m Going To Tell You A Secret” DVD for our viewing pleasure.

Now he’s leaving to be an amazing success in London so if you don’t mind, I’m making the most of my beloved chum - he’s leaving on Tuesday, for fucks sake. He’s living with me until then, and god love him - he arrived yesterday with suitcases and a giant sack of “presents” for me. Wanna know what he’s given me?

• Two books of late Seventies radical feminist literature.
• One book documenting the scandals and gossip behind the gay male porn scene.
• Several copies of Attitude magazine, The Face, Gay Times and DNA. And a 1993 Q Magazine! I LIVE FOR OLD COPIES OF Q MAGAZINE!
• Green tea.
• Half a box of Omo.
• Half a litre of Croatian plum brandy.
• Blank CDs.
• Soy milk.
• Personal warming lubricant.
• Assorted condoms.
• Dishwashing liquid.
• Valium.
• A bong.
• Swedish biscuits.
• A 2007 Diary - in Swedish.
• The Young Divas album.
• And other assorted delights.

How could I do anything other than adore the man?

Will - you’ve been the most amazing friend to me and I absolutely love you to fucking bits. You’ve had faith in me and propped me up when I had no confidence whatsoever, and I wouldn’t be half the person I am today - or half as happy with my life - if you hadn’t entered my world. I will miss you more than you will ever know. Thank you for everything… and here’s to our future turkey baster baby.

x