Make ausculture.com your own. Post your content.
Register at http://www.ausculture.com/register
October 24, 2006
Jesus or Alan Jones?
Alan Jones’s boss, 2GB program director John Brennan, has stepped up to defend his star shock-jock.
In an angry letter to the Fairfax press, which published excerpts of the biography, Mr Brennan likened Jones’s treatment to that meted out to Jesus.
“There are remorseless attacks on this man by his critics,” he wrote.
“He reminds me of another man some 2000 years ago who had the worst interpretations put upon his kindest actions, yet he went on.”
Because there’s one thing Alan Jones’s ego needs, and that’s a comparison to the Messiah. Nonetheless, I’m sure John Brennan and yours truly aren’t the only ones out there who find Jesus H. Christ Esq and Alan Jones freakishly similar… Here are just three ways in which the two men are alike.
Example #1
Alan Jones used to coach the Wallabies and Jeebus was also quite partial to rugby! In fact, I believe Our Lord once said “Let us love, not in word or speech, but in truth and action and the occasional line-out.”
Example #2
Jesus wanted to be a “fisher of men”. Coincidentally enough, Alan Jones has had a bit of experience fishing for men too!
(regarding Australian citizens who had recently fled Lebanon’s war zone and arrived in NSW to be given special assistance from Centrelink “in the form of advice… on how to access welfare and housing benefits” and “Centrelink, a bastion of multicultural subservience, had provided the refugees with written advice in Arabic”)
THE JESUS RECKONS:
“Then the King will say to those at his right hand, ‘Come, O blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’
Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see thee hungry and feed thee, or thirsty and give thee drink? And when did we see thee a stranger and welcome thee, or naked and clothe thee? And when did we see thee sick or in prison and visit thee?’
And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brethren, you did it to me.’”
THE PARROT’S THOUGHTS:
Iemma: They are Australian citizens.
Jones: Premier, why should they have priority?
Iemma: Alan, the advice that I’ve got is that …
Jones (interjecting): They’re lying to you.
Iemma: …they get assessed against a criteria that every one else gets assessed …
Jones (interjecting): But why do they get priority?
Iemma: Only if they qualify. For example, if the …
Jones (interjecting): No, no, no, no…
Jones “For people in Arabic, for Muslim people, presumably, well, up goes the white flag and we fall and prostrate ourselves to assist these people.”
FINAL VERDICT: The Jesus and Alan Jones are pretty much the same person, and The Big Dude Upstairs In The Sky is no doubt thoroughly chuffed that the sole product of his Holy-invisible-but-nevertheless-potent-sperm his only son is being compared to a spiteful, arrogant little man who has made his large fortune through manipulating the fears of the suburban blue-rinse set and smoking corporate cock.
Though honestly? The story of Alan Jones is really quite a sad one. If he wasn’t so abhorrent and hypocritical and just plain tiresome, I’d feel awfully sorry for him having spent years hiding who he truly is from the braying pack of morons who make up his core audience. But I suppose he felt he had little choice in the matter. After all, he’s spent years training his listeners to hate and resent anyone who happens to be a bit different to them.
Posted by Jess at October 24, 2006 7:11 AM— Filed under Common
Comments
Well said. Particularly the last paragraph.
I wish Masters had concentrated on attacking Jones corruption rather than his sex life, though.
Posted by: MrLefty | October 24, 2006 8:59 AM
"a spiteful, arrogant little man who has made his large fortune through manipulating the fears of the suburban blue-rinse set and smoking corporate cock."
Couldn't have put it better myself. In fact haven't tried.
Lefty: I'm sure there's a lot more of that in the book than in the excerpts in Fairfax. I'm sure they picked the most, posibly only, salacious bits to print. His sexuality is a major issue because of its affect on the formation of his character. God, just too much to say in Jess's comment section. I might even post on my own blog for a change...
Posted by: Cloudy | October 24, 2006 3:04 PM
Lefty, I think his sexuality is completely relevant. He's made a career out of allowing anti-gay politicians to cosy up to him. This hypocrisy should be exposed.
Posted by: Will from out of Fop | October 24, 2006 4:33 PM
Why your blog posts aren't on the front page of the dailies is beyond me.
Posted by: ms fits | October 24, 2006 7:29 PM
Jesus must be spinning in his grave...
Posted by: Acharis | October 24, 2006 7:55 PM
Why didn't my earlier comment, after lefty's, appear? I got a page saying it would be referred to the moderator for approval.
Anyhoo...what Fop said. Was what I said. And I think it's also relevant for its role in the formation of his noxious personality. By which I mean the effect of all the repression, frustration, secrecy and self-hatred of a reactionary whose entire life has been spent in areas (growing up in country Queensland, teaching, sport, right-wing politics, right-wing radio) where being openly gay would be professional and social suicide. Little wonder he's such a bitter, twisted cunt.
Posted by: Buck Fudd | October 24, 2006 8:33 PM
The single most intelligent thing anyone has said on the issue.
Incidentally, I get to listen to Jonesy at work all the time. You'd be surprised at how moderate he is most of the time. Why hundreds of thousands of Australians would want to listen to somebody who has an obsession with mundane issues like state water policy is beyond me.
Posted by: TimT | October 24, 2006 9:49 PM
Hey Buck,
Unfortunately, ausculture.com gets a couple of hundred attempted spam comments a day. As a result the filter is set quite aggressively... your comment was filtered by it.
Posted by: Patrick | October 24, 2006 10:18 PM
OH MY GOD YOU'RE ALIVE, PATRICK!
And to think, some people thought you were a fictional character I made up to hide a secret tech-savvy side...
Posted by: Jess | October 25, 2006 1:50 AM
spot on.
While there is obviously a bit of satisfaction in giving Jones a "taste of his own medicine" with the public shaming and scandal, it is nonetheless homophobic, just as it would be misogynist for me to spread rumours about Janet Albrectsen's sxual history and wearing of tarty clothes to insinuate that she "deserved" to be raped.
I'd prefer to see Masters acknowledge Jones sexuality in a non-sensationalised way, and then look at Jones' handling of other peoples' homosxuality in his public life, and try and draw out why he didn't come out (or who he did come out to) and what the consequences were for his life. Personally, I think staying in the closet (and being a bigotted hater) is its own punishment, and impacts pretty heavily on the quality of any relationships you have.
Posted by: sjusju | October 25, 2006 12:39 PM
”...I suppose he felt he had little choice in [hiding his sexuality]. After all, he's spent years training his listeners to hate and resent anyone who happens to be a bit different to them.”
Beautifully put. I wonder what circuits have blown in the minds of followers of his show.
The excerpts of Jonestown that I’ve seen relating to Jones’ sexuality haven’t been sensationalist, but have seemed fully warranted in doing what any unauthorised biography should – attempt to explain what makes the person tick.
(By the way Jess, the ‘biography’ link is pointing to this post.)
Posted by: Al Cad | October 26, 2006 9:11 AM
Fixed, Senor Cad - forgot to put ANY link in there (left the space blank) so clearly Magical Ausculture just bangs itself in there by default. How suitably egotistical.
Posted by: Jess | October 26, 2006 12:10 PM
Grassy-ass, Señorita Jess, for the nod to my fledgling site. I hereby extend to you honorary double-dipping rights to my guacamole.
Posted by: Al Cad | October 28, 2006 9:56 AM
Jonesy is a loud mouthed bigoted bastard, but the peasants around Sydney can't get enough of him. Now why do you think this is folks??
Posted by: Magnarc | November 14, 2006 1:49 PM
Alan Jones is a marvellous Australian. He fights for "struggle street" on a daily basis. You people should be praising him, not defaming the man because he is successful.
Keep up the good work Alan.
Posted by: D | November 26, 2006 10:07 PM
Al Cad said:
"Beautifully put. I wonder what circuits have blown in the minds of followers of his show."
For your information it is not posiible to blow a circuit that is already shorted out!
Posted by: scowse | February 2, 2007 1:37 PM