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August 16, 2005
I Predict A Riot, I Predict A Riot!
First the bloody election, and now this.
Last night started well. A last minute eviction party (please, no one point out how lame eviction parties are - I AM NOT IN THE MOOD) was being held at my abode, and esteemed Tim supporters like Nadine, LaLa, Ms Fits, Bob Ellis, Tuppence and Mr Tuppence (aka Bert) had turned up, all of them simply giddy with excitement and anticipation. I’d made a platter, for fuck’s sake! There was wine! PODS! I FOUND TWIX PODS! Everything was coming up Jessie.
Occasionally through out the evening, we would torture ourselves by wondering what it would be like if Gretel read out the name Logan Greg rather than Hot Spunky Lefty Tim.
“Pssshhhaw!” we scoffed at ourselves after thinking about it for a few seconds, “the Australian public MUST be able to see that Tim is the only deserving winner! They must be able to see that Logan David was a twat and he’ll get some of the cash if Greg wins! They must be able to see that Greg, other than tonguing the Paddle Pop lion from time to time, was generally only interesting whenever Lefty Tim kindly included him in mischief!”
Then Fits said “Ahh yes, but that’s what I thought about Latham too, and we lost that election!”
Cue uproarious laughter. Because it was going to be our night, friends. It was going to be our goddamn night and we could feel it in our bones.
We tried to deal with the awfully long wait to discover out the winner in various ways. We ordered Thai. We paced. We smoked. We watched video footage where I dropped a trophy on my head in front of the entire school, because Nadine, Lala, Fits, Tuppence and Bert are sadistic bastards who like to see me humiliated. We paced and smoked some more. Bob Ellis chewed up sticks furiously. At the time, I thought it was because, you know, she’s a dog. In hindsight, it’s quite clear Bob Ellis knew exactly what was about to happen (animals can anticipate tragedy, you know) and her aggressive chewing of wood was her way of coping. Maybe she was going to arrange the little chunks of spittle-covered stick to spell out a message like “DON’T WATCH IT’LL HURT YOU” and we were too flustered to notice. Sigh.
Five minutes before the announcement of the winner - we began making jokes about what we would do should - GOD FORBID - Tim not win. We discussed rioting. Drinking shots of scotch till we passed out. Calling in sick to work and tracking down everyone we knew who didn’t vote correctly and beating them about the head. We were nervous, but we also felt quietly confident that Tim would emerge from his Big Brother cocoon as a beautiful butterfly whose wings were made of over $800,000 cash. Hey, who let Gretel’s scriptwriter in?!
Three minutes before the announcement of the winner - our Thai food turned up. The delivery guy was grilled about his thoughts on Big Brother and whether he agrees that Tim is God. Slightly confused and clearly worried we were going to force him in the door and make him dance in a gimp outfit for our sick amusement, he mumbled in a hopeful manner “Yes, Tim is, ahhhh, good!”, still not entirely sure if he had given the correct answer or whether he’d be donning leather within minutes and forced to jive as we screamed “You’re a dirty little piggy, eh? DANCE, PIGGY!”
Forty seconds to announcement. Other Tim-lovers like Sherriff, Sugar, Hotman Paris, Clem, Dirty Derek and Fop were in our hearts - and the beloved Genny B was on speakerphone, breathing heavily and referring to family cars she and Tim would need for their children.
Announcement time. It’s a blur, I tell you. I heard “……… Lo -” and felt my heart sink.
“………gan Greg!” Gretel spat out.
Fits leapt up in the air, bewildered and fuming. Nads and LaLa, clutching each other on the couch, let out a collective howl of disappointment. Tuppence and Bert decided there and then to name their firstborn Lefty Tim - and shed a tear or three.
The next few minutes feel a bit surreal. I assume the show continued, but I was distracted due to Fits starting a riot in my very own backyard. She furiously kicked over two hapless outside chairs and then spied an innocent looking rake against the fence. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” she raged at the heavens, and hurled the rake like a spear of the Gods at the already brutalised seats. A few swift kicks of the garage door later, she seemed slightly - SLIGHTLY - calmer.
We grieved. We ate some Thai food. We played a game called “Future Predictions!” which went along the lines of announcing to the table “FUTURE PREDICTION - IN TWO YEARS TIME, THE LOGANS APPEAR ON THE COVER OF WOMAN’S DAY SELLING THEIR EXCLUSIVE STORY ‘OUR COCAINE AND HOOKER HELL’”
It wasn’t enough. We were still antsy and couldn’t find an appropriate way to vent. Either Nads or Fits suggested driving out to famed If you voted Liberal…” wall and changing “Liberal” to “Logan” but it sounded like a lot of effort, and we’re members of the Latte Left, remember?
So we did the only thing a pack of surly left-leaning immature fools could do.
We formed a band.
Named after a vague and menacing threat directed toward poor old Housemate Ol after he told the table of grieving eejits that he “didn’t care either way” about the Big Brother finale, our brand new punk band The Riot In Your Anus ran upstairs to the attic and began writing down exactly how we felt. Needless to say, the word ‘cunt’ is used. A lot. And by the end it deteriorates into angry primal screams. But goddamnit, it’s how we felt and we sang our guts out. In fact I’ve no doubt my housemates will readily attest to just how noisily we wailed at 11pm.
Do you want to hear the song?
Well, I can’t upload it onto ausculture.com due to my home internet dial up thingo dying and not being able to access stuff at work. But for the first twenty (?!) unlucky downloaders, the song should be available through You Send It. Download it by clicking here (SEE BOTTOM FOR UPDATE) (BOTTOM OF POST, YOU FOOLS, NOT YOUR ‘BOTTOM’ BOTTOM) (MUST STOP WATCHING BRITISH COMEDIES FROM THE LATE SEVENTIES EARLY EIGHTIES).
Our first single?
Tim After Tim
Fuck this nation
Fuck it good
Tim should have fucking won
Yes he fucking should
CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT
CUNT CU-CUNT
I HATE YOUSE FUCKIN CUNTS!
x 2
Boring fucking arseholes
Those motherfucking Logans
They’re about as shit-filled
As a wetsuit full of grogans
TUPPENCE - That’s when you do a shit in your wetsuit.
CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT
CUNT CU-CUNT
I HATE YOUSE FUCKIN CUNTS!
x 2
TIM! Fell for a Lib called Kate!
TIM! Got buffed lifting weights!
TIM! Got behind those gays!
LOGANS! What did they ever do?
—- DRAMATIC SILENCE —-
FUCK THIS NATION!
CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT
CUNT CU-CUNT
I HATE YOUSE FUCKIN CUNTS!
x 2
Ooooooooooooooh
Timothy!
I’m living with this tragedy
The nation’s broken our dreams
Now all I hear is nightmare screams
CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT
CUNT CU-CUNT
I HATE YOUSE FUCKIN CUNTS!
x whatevs
Cough.
Hey, I never said it was a mature attempt at songwriting. Personally, I sort of adore it - especially at the end when timing goes out the window and you can literally hear us rolling around yelling and swearing, united in pain and our love of “the music”.
WHERE TO FROM HERE, JESS?!
Oh - I’ll tell you where to from here, alright!
I’ve noticed a pattern - if I root for something, it loses. Full stop. End of story. My support is a deathly blow for any cause I feel passionate about. This is just like that frightening period during the early to mid nineties when I realised that as soon as I put up a poster of a spunky rock star or actor on my wall, they’d suddenly die. Sorry Mr Phoenix, Mr Cobain and Mr Lee.
So from now on? I’m a Liberal through and through. I LOVE John Howard! I care about interest rates! Woomera? Stop your whinging, queue jumpers! Gay marriage? NO THANKS, TOLERANCE IS JUST A POLITICALLY CORRECT WAY OF IGNORING YE OLDE SCHOOL EVIL! Vanstone has replaced Angelina as my Lez Crush, and I believe in Tom & Katie, I really do.
THE END.
UPDATE: The ever adorable Daniel Boud isn’t just the world’s greatest photogroper, oh no. He’s also a lover of all things rock - and after having a listen to the debut single of The Riot In Your Anus, he’s kindly volunteered to host the mp3 on his magical Boudist server. Couldn’t you just eat him up with a spoon?
Anyway, download “Tim After Tim” by The Riot In Your Anus by right clicking and saving this. And maybe turn your speakers down x
Oh, and all busted links should be fixed now. PHEW, etc!
— Filed under
Comments
sigh.
Voted.
Lots.
sighs again.
Hey, Idol's on! It...Mummy, where's the nice leftwing man on this show?
Posted by: Buck Fudd | August 16, 2005 1:53 PM
Please Jess don't go there now when we need you in this time of dispair, WE NEED YOU TO LEAD US OUT OF THIS DARKNESS, PLEASE. We have to rally. We have to do something. This hurts too bad. You are our leader and you write & campaign so well. Please help us out of this hell. Can we bug TV stations & production companies, radio and the like to give Timmy(& Ves) a shot at something. I thought i would start with Rove myself, being a little guy he probably likes Timmy - I'm writing emails, Rove ignore Greg & talk to Timmy, Rove set up a show for Timmy.... Help Jess, help.
Posted by: kes | August 16, 2005 2:04 PM
all your links lead to yahoo mail. Are you on the payroll?
Posted by: fred | August 16, 2005 2:09 PM
I can't download the song. Get with the program, Jess.
Posted by: Tuppence | August 16, 2005 2:11 PM
Tim's online chat at OSBB site is about to start right now - still Greg at moment.
Posted by: kes | August 16, 2005 2:15 PM
Lefties' time will come. Oh yes, it will.
Also, awesome post, Jess.
Posted by: MrLefty | August 16, 2005 2:44 PM
After reading this review of last night I really think it's now time for you people move on from this program. When you start comparing a show full of idoits (expect the likes of Tim, to be fair, who seems to be a terrific fellow) with those of things of actual importance, such as federal elections, you've probably got to a point that you've forgotten that it's JUST A TV SHOW!
Surely the result of the Third Ashes Test was of much greater importance!
P.S. Labor will win an election when they actually elect a decent leader with an actual vision for the future of this country that can be properly communicated to the general public. Unitl then, Mr Howard will keep on winning.
Posted by: D | August 16, 2005 2:49 PM
As I was watching the eviction show I thought to myself, "Locket, you will be mighty pissed if Logan Greg wins and you did not vote. Your vote could be the decider"
So I voted, and voted again, and voted again.
And yes, I voted again.
Because Lefty Tim winning was worth $4.20.
SO WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?? I VOTED FOR CHRISSAKE!
And I never vote for reality television.
Reality television is the bane of the artistic existence and takes jobs away from Real Actors. Rant rant.
But I thought to myself (yes, I do it quite a lot) if Lefty Tim wins he'll have enough cash to resign for his job, enter the political arena and change legislation. But no. NOOOOOOOO!
CUUUUUUUNTS
Posted by: Locket | August 16, 2005 3:09 PM
Bless you, Angel of Hilarity.
When the winner was announced I went into numb shock and denial. I removed Lovable Lefty Tim's pic from my site and wrote a very, long and boring post about Brendan Nelson. I know you're thinking, "How could you be thinking of Brendan Nelson at a time like this(Unless it is to ponder how sad in comparison he appears alongside the goodness that is Tim)?"
I didn't mention last night's loss once. The truth? Denial.
But your brilliant post has allowed me to face my grief and recognise the humour to be found in times of utter despair.
Once I have tracked down all the people who voted against my wishes, and hacked at them with a paring knife, I shall laugh maniacally.
Aaaah. Laughter. It really is the best medicine.
DON'T EVEN SUGGEST THE WINNER OF BIG BROTHER IS NOT IMPORTANT OR YOU'LL BE THE FIRST TO SAY HELLO TO MY FRIEND, MR KNIFE!
Searches for sanity
Posted by: ms cynic | August 16, 2005 3:24 PM
Riot In Your Anus' debut song sounded great I must say. The acoustics in my 'cupboard under the stairs' room seemed made for Wagner-esque anthems like that. Truly the voices of drunk angels.
And if you think it sounded great at 11pm, imagine my joy at hearing it again, and again, at 12am! It would be enough to waken even Pete Murray from slumber.
Best song since Cartwright's Aria "All Seats Taken".
Whether Tim or Logan won, the real winner for me, and hopefully for all residents in Chez Ausculture, is surely the all new Temptation gameshow (featuring good kid Brian Temptation) which now will dominate 7pm viewing.
Posted by: Housemate Ol | August 16, 2005 4:49 PM
i'm sorry we ruined your slumber, housemate ol.
but thanks for supporting what is destined to make musical history nonetheless.
Posted by: la nadine | August 16, 2005 5:11 PM
this is the outcome of that nasty thing they call the echo chamber isn't it? Where I begin to believe that the forces of good will win out this time because everyone i speak to, or every blog I read suggests that we have a fucking chance. A chance to fuck the banality out of federal politics/reality tv/whatever else.
But in reality it just means that I only associate with blissfully ignorant idealists like myself.
I might have to hang at Bell St Maccas more...
Posted by: katy | August 16, 2005 5:22 PM
My commiserations Jess - I never even watched the show but you allowed me to have meaningless conversations about it without people ever knowing that I didn't watch it.
It's a travesty that those fuckers won!!
Posted by: hammy | August 16, 2005 5:30 PM
Yeah, sorry Ol.
Have some 'victory' cake to make it better.
Posted by: Tuppence | August 16, 2005 5:52 PM
Hahaha , that cake did look great, right down to the TIM II WIN smarties.
Bob Ellis was eyeing it hungrily at several stages of the night. But then again , he was also eating sticks so I wouldn't rely on his culinary judgement.
Posted by: Ol | August 16, 2005 6:06 PM
The agony, oh, the agony.
I know this is your blog Jess, but I feel a terrible need to share my own pain over the Very Bad Thing That Happened Last Night. Can we form a support group?
My fella and I were so excited, we had the FUCKING CHAMPAGNE OUT, ready to pop as we jauntily danced around the room in delicious glee at the triumph of wit over mediocrity. We smiled at eachother benevolently; this was going to make up for the election last year, oh yes.
We were a little nervous, sure. We were nervous enough that we'd plugged 191010 into our phone books under "A" so we could vote GREG repeatedly with a quick triple click of the "send" button. Oh yes, the Channel 10 staffroom will be stocked with caviar and cocaine for years to come on the spoils of the texting frenzy my man & I went on last night. We didn't care though, we were helping Our Tim on his way to gain what was rightfully his.
HOW DID IT ALL GO SO WRONG?
This was WORSE than the election. This time, we had hope.
There was howling. There was blaspheming. There were definitely a few "MOTHERFUCKINGCUNTFUCKFUCKERFUCKSCUNT! CUNT!" We too discussed graffiti as a medium for rage...we were going to scrawl "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" all over town and trust that people would understand. But then we were too shattered to even finished our glum champagne. The boy was so crushed he couldn't even muster the enthusiasm to heckle Rolf Harris on Denton. AND HE LOVES TO HECKLE! AND IT WAS ROLF HARRIS!
I want to know who the fuck had sufficient vile evilness in their black, black hearts to vote against Our Tim? Who? I'll tell you! EVIL DEAN! Or even, god forbid, EVIL KATE! SHE VOTES LIBERAL, AFTERALL!
Oh, I just can't make sense of it all. The only reason I can find not to kill myself/everybody else is this, from the webchat:
Tim: I'd love to be more involved with the cut and thrust of politics. To make a positive change to Australia would be a huge opportunity.
GO TIM! TIM FOR FUCKING PM! TIM FOR FUCKING EL PRESIDENTO OF THE FUCKING MUNDO!!!!!!!!!!
(yes, I'm hysterical. yes, need bex. yes, need good lie down.)
xoxoxoxoxox nora
Posted by: nora | August 16, 2005 6:11 PM
that song is utterly fantastic - and a great way to laugh myself out of my mood!
i would love for Tim to hear it, im sure it would make him feel better about losing to "grey man" greg.......
Posted by: spiral girl | August 16, 2005 6:12 PM
Where do we go from here though? We need a plan/action/website etc. Have you seen what Chanel Cole's fans achieved? A fantastic site with meet ups, a music festival, other projects and appeances, excellent work. Does anyone have the motivation & skills?
The pain is easing a little this afternoon, but now I have to watch the interviews & post mortem stuff and suffer Timmy being 2nd fiddle, Ves 3rd - and I know it will make me feel sick but I can't help myself wanting the last dregs of Tim.
Posted by: kes | August 16, 2005 6:15 PM
PS Song is superb. Youse shoulda auditioned for Idol.
Posted by: nora | August 16, 2005 6:33 PM
Thank the heavens for this place saving my sanity, plenty of other sites are full of raving angry Tim fans today - but there are meanies picking on us still. Can we ask for a Bree style miracle?
"Get up, stand up, don't give up the fight." Aww, Timmy on the high wire, Timmy's head in the bugs - BB viewers shame on you.
Posted by: kes | August 16, 2005 6:43 PM
Did anyone else feel like Gretel "It must have been tough for the twins" Killeen, is hoping to be the meat in a Logan sandwich?
Posted by: frank | August 16, 2005 7:47 PM
I can't even muster the energy to comment at any length on how the walls at Chez Belle resounded with angry screeches last night, suffice it to say my housemates eardrums might need medical attention. Australia, were your ears burning, you redneck bogan liberal loving bastard of a country?? I love you dearly, but sometimes YOU PISS ME OFF. Gah.
But wait. Didn't Gretel say 'The winner of BB05 is The Logans'? And didn't Tim become an honourary Logan? So can't he have a third of it? PLEASE?
Posted by: TallulahBelle | August 16, 2005 8:04 PM
A sad sad dad day for Australia.
Timmy for PM!!!
Posted by: Guruann | August 16, 2005 9:27 PM
Okay, here's a thought... i'm into conspiracy theory territory now... but... originally and as it was advertised all week, the voting was to stop at 8.30. Then it was extended... til 9.00...but this was only mentioned once ... briefly...by Gretel, but as far as I recall, not put up on the screen...(although i could be wrong on this...) so... what was the tally at 8.30? did channel ten or big brother not want tim to win? thus making it more dramatic, as he was basically the steady favorite with centerbet etc for ages? could someone investigate this? i just thought it was unfair... i would rather , if tim couldnt' win, that vesna had won than boring logan greg and his monkey twin...
Posted by: dls | August 16, 2005 9:36 PM
Loved the song!!! I work with two 'Vesna supporters' & both of them complained that today (Tuesday) sucked - I quite smuggly explained to them that it was because the universe is now forever out of balance because TIM DIDN'T WIN!!! I wish I could get paid $836,000 for PICKING MY NOSE!!!
Posted by: Dianne | August 16, 2005 10:38 PM
.........this is the greatest blog entry in the entire world. why is our country so superficial?
Posted by: samantha | August 17, 2005 12:03 AM
best bloody thing ive heard since the show started.
Posted by: amanda | August 17, 2005 12:06 AM
Hark! Did someone call for an investigative journalist? Well, here I come.
Do you reckon this might win me a Walkley?
Posted by: ms cynic | August 17, 2005 12:14 AM
Can you please go away, we dont want people like you infiltrating this site. You are not welcome! go crawl up Vanstones ass with Andrew Bolt, you probably are Andrew Bolt. BE OFF WITH YOU!!
Posted by: Vanstones Ass | August 17, 2005 1:36 AM
I listened out for the news all morning today, solely for the point of seeing if last nights result was a mistake.
Pathetic, I know.
Posted by: kate | August 17, 2005 1:38 AM
My god yes!! We all thought that too!. Princess Gretsky, resplendant in white organza, was practically salivating over the logans with her head back down nostril stare! She likes the young boys and here was DOUBLE TROUBLE to replace her little toy boy saxon.
Posted by: Princess Gretel | August 17, 2005 1:45 AM
whats the best thing? song or eviction result. Please explain
Posted by: katj | August 17, 2005 1:51 AM
Actually, the closing time was originally 8:45 PM before Gretel announced it would be 9 PM. A few minutes later they briefly flashed a "Lines Close: 9 PM" graphic on-screen.
Anyway...
Loved the song!
Posted by: insider | August 17, 2005 4:09 AM
There could be a positive side to Tim's loss on BB05..... the prizemoney is now shared between TWO people instead of one, which might have tax benefits to the victors.
Therefore, the corrupt Howard government doesn't get as big a cut of the prizemoney as they would have if Tim had won.
I hope.
Posted by: Not TheKingswood | August 17, 2005 7:24 AM
I'm starting to smell a big conservative CONSPIRACY, here people - SERIOUS!:
http://dailytelegraph.news.com.au/story.jsp?sectionid=1274&storyid=3626009
MPs push to ban Big Brother August 17, 2005
CONTROVERSIAL reality television program Big Brother has spurred up to 20 Coalition MPs to push for a ban of broadcast content considered offensive. [like shitting upon the Howard Government !!!!]
Under the radical plan to be considered by the federal government, the communications minister could order programs off the air if they repeatedly breach their classifications guidelines.
A formal investigation into whether Big BrotherUncut breached the television code of practice was launched two months ago following complaints by South Australian Liberal MP Trish Draper, who is behind the new plan and will meet with Communications Minister Helen Coonan tomorrow.
Ms Draper said broadcasters would adhere more closely to the code if the minister had the power to pull programs off air.
"The minister has been quite responsive and has said that what we have seen on Big Brother has just not been appropriate," she said.
Channel 10 yesterday announced the show would return in 2006 as OzTam figures showed an average audience of 2.28 million people tuned in to Monday night's finale.
Posted by: Tripitaka | August 17, 2005 11:15 AM
I must respectfully disagree here. They mentioned lots of times that voting was continuing and also flashed `Voting lines open for X more minutes' on the screen several times.
Posted by: Tripitaka | August 17, 2005 11:22 AM
If only Logan Dave had been around more the logs would have lost - did you see the moron bogan on Rove last night. Beautiful Timmy & Ves, rightful 1st & 2nd, were cute & funny. Timmy in his brief time was again witty & articulate - someone do an in depth interview with the first ever HM with a real brain and a real interest in BB as an experiment PLEASE - or are they afraid. Where can we write to Tim?
Posted by: kes | August 17, 2005 11:30 AM
I’m sorry if what i say will evoke anger in all your souls but i feel it would be a crime not to say anything. You all seem like very smart young folk and thats why I cant understand why you support Tim? HES A TOTAL WORM! So what if he is a little more left leaning then all the other house mate? Compared to all the other housemates he did look quite intelligent but really that is not saying much. Lets examine the evidence that demonstrates the TRUE character of this tim. 1. He fell for Kate who was even more spineless than tim. 2. He thought Marie Antoinette was the queen of Spain. 3. His hair cut is HEINOUS! 4. His face is totally asymmetrical which SPELLS TROUBLE! 5. HE kissed that rachel girl who was obviously truly unhinged! In my opinion Vesna was the only person worthy of the big brother crown. Her humour, beauty and RAW EMOTION BABY were the three things that kept the show watchable! After her, bogan greg of slimy tim, doesnt bother me either way! Will i now be hunted down and hacked to bits with a blunt knife?
Posted by: anon | August 17, 2005 11:58 AM
Oh Jess.
I share your sadness. I went over to Tuppences site to hear the song without realising you had reloaded it. I tried to yesterday but to my sadness it was not until now I heard such musical genius.
Oh yes. You cunts. You cunty cunts.
I have detested the Bogans from day one and was shocked at the obvious RIGGING (RIGGING I say!!!) of the outcome... even though I would have loved lefty tim to have won I even wouldnt have minded Vulgarian Vesna in preferences to those boring tools.
Just one word. Cunts.
Posted by: Tempest | August 17, 2005 1:12 PM
Have to respond: He fell for Kate who was even more spineless than tim. Chemistry is a funny thing, have you never fallen for people who are all wrong? And to be fair, there were only 2 interesting females in there Ves & Kate. He thought Marie Antoinette was the queen of Spain. Slip of the tongue/or the mind in the midst of morons - and he corrected himself. His hair cut is HEINOUS! A brave move showing his lack of ego, he was having some fun, and allowing Ves to have fun. And it may not be perfect but it is interesting. His face is totally asymmetrical which SPELLS TROUBLE! Don't get this bit at all. HE kissed that rachel girl who was obviously truly unhinged! Rachael kissed him. He didn't want to hurt or crush the girl & responded, he also needed some affection. Re Ves - yes I could have taken her winning more than I can take the bogans.
Posted by: kes | August 17, 2005 1:54 PM
You'd better not be the 'anonymous' stirring up trouble on my blog, Tempest.
Posted by: Tuppence | August 17, 2005 1:57 PM
Brainless nongs like the Logans need the money. Nevertheless there is no fucking justice is there?
Posted by: Link | August 17, 2005 5:25 PM
Tim looked pretty sharp in that suit. Kate gave him an extra long hug. There were tears. This begs the question: do you think Kate became a 'consolation prize' on monday night?
He might not have won the prize, but did he get the girl?
Posted by: Le Driver | August 17, 2005 7:07 PM
Actually I think Kate was just 'tired and emotional' - backed up by her on-stage performance. And is it just me or has her accent got a whole lot more fucken broad mate since she left the house? She now sounds as though she should be leading the Collingwood cheer squad on a Saturdee arvo. She was pissed, pure and simple. (And ok, she may feel a bit stupid after discovering that a sizeable proportion of the population want to bed him)
Thanks Jess for your song, it brought me out of my doldrums about the whole unfortunate affair.
Posted by: Zoe | August 17, 2005 7:35 PM
Cool news for Tim fans
Being very pissed off at this result and quite a resourceful & snoopy type, I wrote an email that I thought might reach a Tim friend. And it was successful - ie I got a response. I told them about this site and how we thousands of Tim fans are grieving and hoping to see more of him etc. Also referred him to some other sites he can use for research for his book, live cam streaming sites etc. Anyway, his lovely friend (of course), responded - will post more later.
Posted by: kes | August 17, 2005 7:43 PM
Jess- you are my lefty Tim!
Posted by: Sarah | August 17, 2005 8:01 PM
1 - All faces are slightly asymmetrical, go back to biology class, look in the mirror and tell me that the left side of your face is exactly the same as the right... mind you, you'd have to get off the chair to see that.
2 - Rachel kissed Tim, get yer facts straight.. he didn't want anything personal with her. SHE invited him to the rewards room and tried to seduce him with her petal soup cavorting, all to no avail. He has better taste than that and is more respectful. 3 - You're a moron. Just thought to add that.
Posted by: Annie | August 17, 2005 8:36 PM
TIM SHOULD HAVE WON!!! IT WAS RIGGED!!!! ON THE OUTSIDE!!!
Thanks, needed to get that off my chest. David clearly rigged the votes with his posse.
Hey did anyone notice how "off" Shearer, Heath and HD were??? What do you reckon? Stoned or pithed? Both? ...definitely not straight that's for sure.
Tim never stood a chance with Dave organising the win on the outside... not one fucking chance.. is it true about the 100 G and the telemarketing company??
Posted by: Annie | August 17, 2005 9:08 PM
Well, a girl I work with said Logan David asked a friend of hers for drugs at a club in Sunbury.
And that's, err, all. I thought it was scandalous at the time. Logan Greg and David, snorting crack off a naked Paddle Pop Lion? Behold the future.
Posted by: Le Driver | August 17, 2005 9:23 PM
No, I will not go away dickhead!
I am not Andrew Bolt. Who the fuck is Andrew Bolt?
I am Tim Holland. This was just my opinion...
Posted by: D | August 17, 2005 11:25 PM
Sorry, Jess, I've defected to the Thatcher Kate fan club.
Posted by: Mark Bahnisch | August 18, 2005 2:49 AM
As explained here:
http://larvatusprodeo.redrag.net/2005/08/18/who-cares-about-lefty-tim/
Didn't realise tags had been turned off!
Posted by: Mark Bahnisch | August 18, 2005 2:59 AM
It's the rules that we must accept your FIRST answer!
Tim the 'winner': http://www.entertainment.news.com.au/story/0,10221,16290092-5000140,00.html
For about three minutes last night, Newtown leftie Tim Brunero reigned as the winner of Big Brother 2005.
At 8.55pm, a release was posted on the BB website which read: "Greg's dream of beating his twin brother to the million-dollar prize has been shattered tonight. "Despite making it to the final three, Greg proved he just didn't have what it takes to be the winner of Big Brother 2005."
Were the votes incorrectly counted? Was it too close to determine the real winner?
According to a spokesman from producers Endemol Southern Star, the gaffe was "simply the result of human error", and was amended in three minutes.
Bad luck, Timmy.
Posted by: sam | August 18, 2005 3:00 AM
YOU ARE A LOSER. BE OFF WITH YOU. DONT KNOW WHO ANDREW BOLT IS...... NO 5 YEAR OLDS ON THIS SITE!
Posted by: Vanstones Ass | August 18, 2005 1:59 PM
"TIM! Fell for a Lib called Kate! TIM! Got buffed lifting weights! TIM! Got behind those gays! LOGANS! What did they ever do?"
^^ That was my favourite bit, but the chorus was also damn catchy. Can't get it out of my head, actually.
Posted by: Rachel | August 18, 2005 2:04 PM
Tim Holland, Just Joking, you are no loser and I am no dickhead my friend! I feel you must put some research into finding out who Andrew Bolt is though. All the best to you and yours Tim Holland.
Posted by: Vanstones Ass | August 18, 2005 2:04 PM
Tell me about it mother? Who is Andrew Bolt?
Posted by: Doug Parkinson | August 18, 2005 2:42 PM
Don't know about the 100G but I definitely agree about the rigging! When I think about it Tim never stood a chance with Dave, Dean and da boys on the outside...not to mention 'Vincent' Christie (I still think she looks more like Vincent from Beauty and The Beast than the Paddle pop lion)
Posted by: Mr Tumnus | August 18, 2005 3:00 PM
You guys are a riot. I love you heaps. I read all your stuff... my fave was a review of last year's idol finale... until this song of course.
By the way... you know those tools that ran on stage just before they announced the winner? I work with one of them. He's a twit. I'm going to rip his arms off and beat him over the head with them.
Lauren
Posted by: Lauren | August 18, 2005 3:10 PM
To all you little skanks who voted for the Logan’s simply because they were more ‘visually appealing’, To all you dickheads who voted for the Logan’s because your beloved Vesna was evicted, And to all you fuckwits who voted for the Logan’s just because you hated Tim, I wish upon you to be crushed by a huge frozen block of passenger shit dropped by a passing 747, leaving you in a coma, without any alternatives but to be fed by a drip and forcing you to piss through tubes.
Now fully convinced you are probably the very same fucking idiots that wasted half a million on that brainless twat Reggie, I believed you wankers had finally come to your senses after suitably picking Trevor to win last year. Alas, my poorly misplaced faith in the Australian public was fully realised this year when it came to fruition that a moderate percentage of Big Brother voters are the same group of shallow cunts that control the fixed outcomes of the shithouse Logies.
I can only relish in the fact that the aforementioned Vesna supporters will have to live with the reality that Bogan Gayvid can now sport a shit-eating grin after collecting $418,000 that he didn’t rightfully deserve. How did he lose that mysterious 7kg Gretel was talking about? Drilling for nose oil naturally.
Posted by: Jiam Dee | August 18, 2005 3:30 PM
Timmy was shafted because of politics. BB didn't want another Merlin episode, Timmy talking politics, an uncontrollable HM winning. The live cam feeds dropped out when Timmy got political, and when he mentioned Merlin. And BB is being investigated by conservative politicians. So it's safe to have the mute logans win, one won't speak and the other can't speak. Puzzle solved - both logans (assisted by arsehole hms) and Bb conspired to kill Timmy's chances.
Posted by: kes | August 18, 2005 5:36 PM
My son, Doug, Andrew Bolt is the Heirophant. It pleaseth me to have your enquiry, more than you know.....
Posted by: The Heirophant | August 18, 2005 9:34 PM
Mr Tumnus, do you think Gretel and Mike Golman are the same person?
Posted by: Caspian | August 18, 2005 9:41 PM
I can't believe I wasted 55 cents trying to evict Greg when it's all rigged anyway. If the voting process isn't transparent, it's obviously not just for PR but to tweak the bloody numbers anytime they feel like it. Why do we buy it? Out of hope that there could be some form of public statement about non-liberal or country heartland identity in this country. Try reading Big Bother by some Queensland uni academic, interesting analysis of how they set up the first season. What's a URL?
Posted by: Rach | August 19, 2005 3:04 AM
You must tell me what Tim's chum said, Kes. Not for my sake, mind you, it's just the sooner Tim and I meet and bond, the sooner I can introduce him to his future wife Genny B.
Cheers to everyone else who found the time during this HORRIBLY DARK PERIOD IN HISTORY to give props to The Riot In Your Anus. We're sort of like the Travelling Wilburys except with sweary bloggers like Fits, Nads, La LA and Tuppence rather than Roy, George, Bob and Tom.
Posted by: Jess | August 19, 2005 10:46 AM
I'm looking at the Uplate Game Show right now, my panties are so moist.
This show is begging for a Ausculture disection.
WOW Hotdogs Hot List, this is so bad is good, then bad, then slighty funny, then embarassing, and finally revolting.
Posted by: SuperKing | August 23, 2005 2:38 AM
Tim at the DIVAS http://www.ssonet.com.au/display.asp?ArticleID=4615 (nice photo of tim) STARS, GLAMOUR AND INDUSTRY RIVALRY WERE ON SHOW AT DRAG’S NIGHT OF NIGHTS THIS YEAR. If glamour was the word on the pre-show red carpet, contrast was the enduring theme when Sydney’s drag community feted its leading lights at the Drag Industry Variety Awards (DIVAs) on Monday night. The evening was one of celebrity appearances and a star no-show; victories for established drag identities and emerging talent; and one performer’s rapid transformation from impressive newcomer to the industry’s best. Stars including Carlotta and Big Brother runner-up Tim Brunero graced the DIVA red carpet at Star City’s Showroom. But a promised appearance by another entertainment name, Kerri-Anne Kennerley, was not to be, as the daytime TV star sent her apologies in a pre-awards video.
And more Dog face news - Chasers shot a pilot for a new show and they used dogface! Talking to people in the st etc. This is getting beyond ridiculous, is he blackmailing people or something. (see today Age green guide, p. 15)
Posted by: kes | August 25, 2005 2:05 PM
In a minor victory Tim beat the Grogan Bogan Twins in "Celebrity" Ready Steady Cook.
Plus to deal the final blow to this dead horse Greg said that David could only cook fairy bread. David responded that Greg was the only fairy here. THERE YOU GO FINAL DIFINITIVE PROOF OFF BB GAYNESS, HOORAY!
Posted by: SuperKing | August 26, 2005 12:43 PM
Never before has a housemate had the power to vote & campaign for themselves and been helped with voting with gifts of phones & cash.
So, are the rules for Idol & BB voting/campaigning the same? In todays Melb Sun, the Eye, talking about that girl that can't sing getting through Idol and suss campaiging there is this - Quote: AN IDOL SPOKESMAN SAID CAMPAIGNING OF THIS NATURE WAS NOT ILLEGAL, AS LONG AS LAURA HERSELF HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. http://www.heraldsun.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,5478,16383407%255E28957,00.html End quote.
Posted by: kes | August 26, 2005 1:53 PM
Fucking hell, Tim looks HOT in that picture.
Posted by: TallulahBelle | August 26, 2005 5:32 PM
hey a free plug for chanelcole.cc :) thanks heaps for your recognition...our chanel community is certainly growing daily!
cant wait for the Spook CD release, Oct 4th
hehe yaya for music!
Posted by: supergurg | August 30, 2005 12:47 AM
ATTENTION all Timmy fans - his website timbrunero.com has been updates and has new cool stuff,including an email for Tim so we can tell him we love him. And a news item - Tim to tour E. Timor, Big Brother Star To Tour East Timor Aid Projects 30 August, 2005: Big Brother star Tim Brunero will visit the East Timor Projects of Union Aid Abroad-APHEDA after winning $10,000 for the humanitarian aid organisation on the Network Ten program, Celebrity Ready, Steady, Cook. timbrunero.com
Posted by: kes | August 31, 2005 11:54 AM
oh and the NEW look spook website has officially relaunched today! gotta love the haunting design...
Posted by: supergurg | September 2, 2005 11:07 PM
Was just on Lefty Tim's site and noticed that Tim After Tim is on there in MP3 format . . .
Posted by: TallulahBelle | September 27, 2005 8:00 PM
come on then. Imagine the try hard fake lefties we'll get this year. cool. They ALWAYS put out.
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