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August 2, 2005

When Zany Brekkie Radio Calls Go Bad…

A Conversation Heard This Morning On The Mix 106.5 Breakfast Show*

Jason: Mums are great, aren’t they? But sometimes, they just don’t feel appreciated!
Sammy: Haha, that’s right Jason. But this morning, we’re going to make someone’s day. It’s Annie from Merrylands’ birthday today, and we’re gonna surprise her!
Jason: God bless the way breakfast radio changes lives for the better**.

(phone rings)

Annie: Hello?
Sammy: Is that Annie from Merrylands?
Annie: Yes…
Sammy & Jason: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ANNIE!
Annie: Who is this?
Sammy It’s Sammy and Jason from the Mix 106.5 breakfast team!
Annie: Oh, thank you.
Sammy: (chuckling) We received your email, Annie, how could we not call you? (puts on silly, slightly mocking voice and begins reading Annie’s email) “In all my life, I’ve never received ONE PRESENT!”
Annie: That’s true.
Sammy: (still chuckling and reading from email) “My boyfriend, the father of my two youngest children, has NEVER bought me a present!”
Jason: Hahaha, what a bad boyfriend!
Annie: Uh-huh.
Sammy: (continues reading) “In fact, he goes overseas every few months and he’s NEVER bought me ANYTHING back! NOT EVEN A TEN CENT LOLLY!”
Sammy & Jason: (explosive laughter)
Annie: He’s abusive.
Sammy & Jason: (awkward silence)
Annie: (expectant silence)
Sammy: Erm… in what way is he abusive?
Annie: Well, verbally…
Sammy: (sounding somewhat relieved) OH! Verbally!
Jason: (realising they still have to care) Annie, are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay, Annie?*** That’s no good. Umm… Why don’t you leave him?
Annie: My two children, they are too young. I must wait till they’re old enough for daycare. (launches into long tale of family woes)
Sammy: Hmm, okay, well maybe this isn’t something we should be talking about on the radio.
Annie: Okay.
Jason: (with weak enthusiasm) So. Would you, umm, like a ticket to have breakfast with us on Friday?
Annie: I don’t know. I’ll need to get a babysitter for the kids.
Sammy: (awkwardly) Well. I hope things get better for you, Annie.
Jason: We’re, ummm, gonna send you flowers.
Annie: Thanks.
Sammy: (wishing she’d just picked another fucking person to call and offer a ticket to the Friday breakfast) No problems.

*I was in a cab, for god’s sake. Normally I’m so fucking hardcore cool, I start the day by listening to Nepalese mountain goats on community radio spinning b-sides from Norwegian metal bands. Truth be told, I can only listen to Sami for about five minutes before the fact she sounds like a boozed up and freshly divorced aunt at a family Christmas party starts to make me feel homicidal.

**This is obviously not a transcript - it’s more an “artist’s impression”

***Please refer to point above.

Posted by Jess at August 2, 2005 2:16 PM
— Filed under Common