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July 27, 2005

World’s Least Marketable Documentary Premieres!

I hope we all watched Neighbours tonight. Annalise gave the people of Ramsay Street a sneak peek at her documentary - a documentary she has apparently been given tens of thousands of dollars from people I don’t know to create as it appears she has literally flown around the world to get one liners from ex-residents.

I’m quite unsure of how these merry money-flinging doco producers aim to get their cash back for this artistic endeavour - who would be interested in watching home videos and pleasant verbal strolls down memory lane featuring Ramsay Street residents other than… erm… Ramsay Street residents? And most of ‘em would be far too frugal to actually bother buying a ticket to see “Neighbours: The Documentary”, especially considering Annalise has already given them a preview for nothing. Maybe I’ve missed something in the eight months I haven’t been bothered to watch the show regularly. It’s not like Neighbours to abandon logic. Or forget that certain characters are twins and begin having them celebrate seperate birthdays.

ANYWAY.

Highlights from tonight?

* Debbie Martin’s magical eyebrow - it’s as though someone attached an invisible fishhook with wire to her eyebrow and cheekily tugged it at random moments whilst she was talking to the camera!

* Sarah - hands off Karl, you withered saucepot. We’ve just finished dealing with Izzy, I hardly think it’s appropriate for you to be making raunchy comments about the recently heartbroken doctor in a film you know *full well* is going to be played for all residents of Ramsay Street *including Susan*.

* Alright, who is responsible for Billy Kennedy being portrayed as a mildly retarded backpacking buffoon with no taste in clothing? Jan Russ, was this your doing?

* Hilary Robinson made my blood run cold.

* Plain Jane Superbrain! VINTAGE NEIGHBOURS!

* Hannah Martin now living in London! “(insert infuriating subtle Melb-London hybrid accent) Oh, I joost loooofed living in Rumsee Streeh!”

* I’m sorry, I can’t believe they managed to get Jesse Spencer to film a clip in the States but Brooke Satchwell was somehow out of reach.

* I thought Libby and Mal Kennedy were tonguing themselves stupid on a boat docked in Sydney Harbour for about thirty seconds which made me feel somewhat ill. But then I realised I tend to get Benji McNair and The Other One confused and there hadn’t actually been a sudden disturbing display of incest on Australian television a la Lucy Robinson\Glen Bastardjimson.

* Richard “Sam Kratz” Grieve! (cue twelve year old Jess swooning)

* Did you all enjoy seeing my dear distant relative Brett “Stark” Blewitt on the screen?

* Luke Handley makes a far handsomer policeman than Blind Stu. Remember when Libby photographed Luke’s arm crease? And Karl thought it was his *bumcrack* and hit the roof? Haw haw haw, excellent.

* Or was that Ben, half-brother of the Wilkinson twins? Nevermind.

* Nina Tucker was the suckiest character in Suckville times a zillion.

* Susan & Karl Forever! I swear, that’s the last post for today.