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July 20, 2005

I’m Back, Baby!

Heeeellloooooo everyone! Long time no see!

I’m finally back from holidays and boozing and I’m ready to begin talking rubbish about people I don’t know and never will meet with y’all again. Motherchuckers!

But first, would you like a run down on the last two weeks? You would rather die? Okay then…

Way Out West, Where It Rains No More Slightly
Guess where I went on holidays… go on - guess! That’s right - I went to Western Australia (or as I like to call it “Corr Country”) for my sisters wedding! After a few days in “the Midlands”, our holiday posse headed south to Margaret River where I was incredibly classy and supped wine like an adult and not a binge drinking teen suckling on goon.

I most certainly did NOT get embarrassingly drunk on my last night there, fall over in the rain outside a restaurant, sprain my ankle, send daft text messages to too many people and spend the wee hours of the morning hugging the toilet bowl and throwing up violently. But thanks for asking. In other news, I discovered dolmades. WHERE HAVE THEY BEEN ALL MY LIFE?!

Here is a photographic summary of my time in WA.

Oooer! Erotic!


The night life blew my little brain.


My fuel


Beeeeautiful!

I’m no photogroper, I know, but those pics will have to do.

Celebrate Good Times - COME ON!
I arrived back in Sydney in time for the weekend, but you know what they say - no rest for the wicked! Haw haw haw. So despite the blistering two day hangover I’d recently suffered ever since Wednesday night’s Margaret River excess, I found the inner strength to hit the booze to celebrate the second 24th birthday of La Nadine with a bunch of the usual suspects and a few surprises from Melbourne. God love each and every one of ‘em. And guess what I’ve discovered? I am gradually turning into Russell Crowe when drunk. As you can imagine, I have given up drinking for the foreseeable future.

Pain… Such… Pain… Head… Filled With Angry Creatures…
The Saturday night birthday festivities led to the worst hangover of my life on Sunday. I was unable to communicate using anything but grunts until 3pm.

Then a strange thing happened. One minute I was sleeping on the table in a cafe near Oxford Street and the next, as though I were a puppet and an invisible puppeteer had yanked the string connected to my aching, throbbing head - I suddenly sat bolt upright, looked over at a girl sitting on the other side of the glass at the cafe and announced loudly to all and sundry inside “That girl looks like Kate Bosworth.” And it was Kate Bosworth. This freaked me out a bit because folks, I always thought that I would not know Kate Bosworth if I fell over her. How on earth I managed to recognise her in my hungover state is beyond me - it was almost as though I’d been possessed by the editor of Woman’s Day. Anyway, Orlando’s missus ordered salad - and didn’t eat very much of it. She had a dog with her. That is all.

Big Brother? You Wanna Talk Big Brother?
Dudes! I’ll get to it - over at the usual place. But allow me to just say in the meantime - HAHAHAHA SUCKED IN DEAN! YOU BIG RECTUM LICKER!

And Finally…
A huge, massive thank you to Jo Freeway 9 for her superb job looking after the place and cracking the whip on guest posters while I was away - she rules. For that matter, so do the lovely guest posters themselves who took time out of their busy lives to whack something online over here for your reading pleasure. If I weren’t a non-smoking, teetotalling lady for the aforementioned foreseeable future, I would touch you all inappropriately.

PS: I’m really, really sick with the flu. Everyone pity me. Lots.

PPS: Miss Piss, your compilation rocks.

PPPS: Everyone who has emailed over the past month? I will reply shortly. Swear x