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July 7, 2005
Tim Versus Dean | Sorry About Disappearing
Dearest Big Brother Blog readers,
My most sincere apologies regarding my absence this week. I had planned on launching a thrilling online campaign to have Dean\Christie\Hotdogs killed, but I was so caught up carving a Dean voodoo doll out of a potato that I simply ran out of time.
Would you like to know my thoughts regarding the whole Dean-Tim situation? Well, I could pretty much just sum it up with this image.
But that’s immature. So here’s what I would say to the Shitbags Posse aka Dean, Hotdogs and Christie.
DEAN! - Haha you are such a loser and as I have loudly proclaimed to all and sundry over the past week, I cannot wait until you become fat and unattractive (and dude, you’re only a few years\pastas off) and then you have nothing to rely on but your personality - which is COMPLETELY CUNTY! You’re an insecure bully and you can’t stand that Tim doesn’t feel intimidated by you. You’ve gone out of your way to become this year’s Alpha Male but only truly succeeded in becoming this years Alpha Jizzbucket. Even after you stomped your feet and tried to take moral high ground, Tim refused to indulge you and you backed down like a little bitch. AND THEN you talked yourself up to your emotional fellater Hotdogs! I CANNOT WAIT TILL YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE AND REALISE THAT EVERYONE WITH A BRAIN THINKS YOU ARE AN UTTER WANKRAG! And then you’ll develop chimp-tits. Sweet.
HOTDOGS! - Dude, please. You could have at least attempted to hide your thrilled smile\swollen Bruce when Dean referred to it being “Just you and me, Dogs. Just you and me.” You do realise you’re going to have to fight Logan David for the role of Dean’s lover, don’t you? Your adoration of “Deano” has blinded you to the fact the man is a shitheap, and anyone who acts morally indignant about the fact they didn’t manage to get away with shitting on a toilet strikes me as mildly retarded. Don’t start with the whole “But the boys were gonna gang up against the girls and you don’t let down the boys cos it’s boys against girls and poor Deano, etc!” rubbish - you’re a grown man, not a twelve year old male at a co-ed boarding school. I hope you choke on Dean’s man broth during an Uplate episode and we all get to laugh at you. I can’t believe I was beginning to like you, Simon.
CHRISTIE - Here’s a tip, Christie - the boys are still gonna think of you as a whinging little shit no matter how much you sell out your other housemates. It’s totally obvious that you’re prepared to backstab anyone in order to get a pat on the head from Dean and\or a midnight grope from Logan Greg and guess what? It’s never going to be enough to make the boys like you - they’ll just use you for information and toss you away when you’ve served your purpose. On a side note, has anyone ever seen Christie and the Paddle Pop lion in the same room?
Truth be told, I don’t care about the three of them as much as the bitter rant above might indicate. Do you know why? Because I am directing all my emotions toward my intense, deep and passionate love for Tim. He is shining in a house full of dullards and officially my favourite housemate ever.
In other news, I’m gonna be away for a week but I’m hoping a few deliciously saucy bloggers will chuck a guest post on here to keep you entertained, so don’t go anywhere. Posted by Jess at July 7, 2005 4:04 PM
— Filed under
Comments
Awwww, Jess... I love you.
Posted by: Tuppence | July 7, 2005 5:09 PM
Tim for PM! Forget the BB campaign - let's get him all the way to the lodge.
Posted by: Olly | July 7, 2005 5:20 PM
Oh Jess most hilarious post... audience clap Love your work
Posted by: usher | July 7, 2005 6:09 PM
I also heart Tim but in my opinion he's the second best housemate ever. Paul from last year is the best.
Posted by: paulyt | July 7, 2005 6:35 PM
Excellent post. Christie = Paddle Pop Lion? Hilarious.
Posted by: psimilarity | July 7, 2005 6:36 PM
Applause. Beautifully put. I cannot wait for Tim's moment of glory (with Dean crying in the background please). The triumph of reason over brutes is going to be so delectable. He has to win with an absolute landslide, will the unions vote? The worst thing about Dean - I haven't seen any sense of humour. I now judge all other HMs by how they interact with Tim.
Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
Posted by: kes | July 7, 2005 7:12 PM
I am also thoroughly sick of those 'almost underwear' aqua blue and black lacy things Christie prances around the house in.
I really don't understand why thinks she's a whole bad of potato chips and a whole lot more - she thinks she's the whole package? I don't even think she's half a package.
Whiny tubby ugly little backstabbing famewhore who prances around in the nuddie because she loves the attention. I'm guessing by now the bodys all tune her boobies out and ignore them, as do I.
Posted by: Jessica | July 7, 2005 10:26 PM
lapdances for jess
Posted by: fluffy | July 7, 2005 11:26 PM
I can't hold back anymore! I am a silly twat that occasionally posts and usually have no moral or intellectual value to add to this site but I felt this blog to be important. Since it's a task for the housemates to cleanse their minds with a confession I shall do the same. I ladies and gentlemen despised Tim at the start...
There I said it.
At the beginning I loved all the different types of personalities but found Tim a little bit creepy. But through watching the show and gradually having Jess's blogs show me how truly valuable he is as a housemate, he is now the only housemate who I hold in the highest regard.
I truly apologise to Jess and all the bloggers at Ausculture.com for my stupidity and from this day forth shall hold a reverence for Tim only, Jess you were right all along and I am just scum.
Given this juvenile 'reverse-kenga' business I feel that when Tim was asked to participate, he should have just said:
"You know what Dean? You can just fuck right off, I mean how old are you really? I don't want a thing to do with your wankish prank, and the only thing that scares me more than the idea of your shit stains on the toilet bowl is the same faecal matter surging through that over-inflated ego head of yours."
For Dean to prattle on like a little bitch just reinforces what you've been saying all along Jess, he is a complete and utter wanker. I hope when he's evicted he finds out his bitch has dumped him for a weedy, academic, Greenie and he cries.
And the incessant arse kissing from Cocklogs and Bogan David just makes me sick. It's like they que up in the showers and wait for Dean to bend over to pick up the soap so they can plant their lips(amongst other parts)on/in his arse. Get a fucking clue guys, he throats goat cock.
I apologise for making this blog so long but I had to get that out of my system. And Jess, when you said:
'I’m guessing by now the bodys all tune her boobies out and ignore them, as do I.'
Did you mean the boys? Because you would be absolutely correct on that, I am a huge boobie lover (hang me) and all I look at now when I see Christie in the buff is her hideous face and desparately fight the urge to vomit.
Go Jess! Go Tim! etc.
Posted by: Jiam Dee | July 8, 2005 12:03 AM
"On a side note, has anyone ever seen Christie and the Paddle Pop lion in the same room?"
Of course! They were hanging out in the diary room just the other day.
http://antz.bur.st/random/christie+lion.jpg
The resemblance is uncanny!
Posted by: antzpantz | July 8, 2005 12:04 AM
An open letter to Jess and her worshipping minions. I normally love your work but your collective admiration for Tim has robbed you all of your sense and intelligence. Being a fellow journo, I myself was a proud, passionate and paid up member of the Tim fan club, but he's taken a huge dive with me in recent days. Simply put, he is a precious little sell out. Let's get things in perspective. These people live in a house with no TV, radio, newspapers and very little in between to keep them amused so it is understandable that they have to make their own entertainment. And blow me down if they didn't - after 60 tedious, tedious days - decide on a harmless, mildly grotesque prank. Who are we crying for here? The only victim is the toilet. Which brings me to my second point. If Tim didn't want in, he should have had the balls to say it when they plotted the thing in the first place. And if he didn't have the balls to do that, he could have simply opted quietly out of his obligation and let the others do the squatting. No fuss, no muss, where's the gym. But no, he's a scheming, lily livered, cry baby, dobbing, nancy boy who went to Kate - presumably as leverage to somehow win the heart of a girl who is yet to give him the time of day - and tattled on his mortal enemy. He had a small opportunity to show some loyalty and - ironically - ended up crapping all over it. Tim - boo fcking hoo. Grow the fck up.
Posted by: Ray Finkal | July 8, 2005 12:26 AM
Well, you certainly write like a tabloid journo--all emotive language and blunt-mallet self rightgeousness--so I'll take a leaf from your book. Tim's not a fearless superhero, he's just a bloke trying to get along with a bunch of other blokes very different from him. He tried to get out of a pathetic prank gracefully by infusing it with some self-deprecating humour--and it backfired. To quote you "boo fcking hoo. Grow the fck up." Idiot Dean is hardly his "moral enemy", just an unpleasant tosser who is due no loyalty whatsoever. Lucky you're not in the house or you'd be following along baying for blood too.
Posted by: TD | July 8, 2005 1:30 AM
I thought Christie looked more like Pigsy from Monkey Magic
Posted by: T | July 8, 2005 1:34 AM
jess. kudos. i laughed out loud at your post, something the internet has never made me do unless delivering lo-resolution videos of children being hurt at sporting matches. thank you.
Posted by: stephen | July 8, 2005 3:06 AM
I think the Christie/Paddle Pop Lion statement is unfair, the Paddle Pop Lion looks great without concealer and foundation. Or perhaps fur is the best concealer of them all?
Posted by: SuperKing | July 8, 2005 1:07 PM
I think Christie looks more like Vincent from that eighties show Beauty and the Beast. Remember the lion faced guy who lived in the subway?
Posted by: tilly | July 8, 2005 1:54 PM
Big Brother Diary Day 61
Christie finishes cleaning the windows and declares: "These windows are clean." She peers into the mirror and exclaims: "I have a bum chin."
leonine clefts emerge again ... has bec/christie features become the fashion for minor celebrities?
Posted by: cattermune | July 8, 2005 3:15 PM
Remember Tonya Harding that skanky bitchy skater that had her opponent bashed - could Christie be related?
If Crusty Christie irritates take a look at this very amusing item:
http://forum.behindbigbrother.com/showthread.php?t=4360
Posted by: kes | July 8, 2005 4:47 PM
Tim should grow up? Are you serious? Dean has spent the last 5 days or so getting worked up over a ruined practical joke involving a smeared poo. If Dean had have gone up to Tim and said “Hey, you ruined the joke and I’m really annoyed”, then fair enough. Tim really did go behind them, but surely the magnitude of the crime dictates exactly how angry you get? (or in this case, perhaps, whether you get annoyed at ALL, or just laugh it off?) It’s not like Tim dobbed Dean in for murdering someone and throwing the body into a lake. Tim let the poo joke is out? Holy shit batman, lets throw a brick into the back of the fuckers head! Or drop a barbell onto him while he's in the gym! Yeah, those are justified ideas if I've ever heard them!
Posted by: kate | July 8, 2005 6:12 PM
It's nice to see Dean's "I'm a smarmy fuckwit" face caught on camera and captioned with the line "I like to eat poo." I want to make badges.
It was also great to see Tim bashing Dean with his huge throbbing brain on Friday Night's daily show.
Posted by: Le Driver | July 9, 2005 11:07 AM
"I think Christie looks more like Vincent from that eighties show Beauty and the Beast. Remember the lion faced guy who lived in the subway?"
10/10 for that one... hit the nail on the head.
You know with people, you can always tell their character by the way they pull their mouths.. Dean sort of pulls it in a smarmy , despising everything smirk... which says it all really... oh and in ONE defence of Dean.. he does have a sense of humour.. he was funny doing that gorilla dance.. strange how he was so good at it. LOL I do think he has a rather Freudian obsession with faeces.. .what do you think?
Posted by: Annie | July 9, 2005 9:03 PM
Last night on Uplate Mike Goldman told people to stop SMSing that Chrisite looks like the paddle pop lion on the ticker.
GO AUSCULTURE!
Posted by: SuperKing | July 10, 2005 12:18 AM
WOOO!!! Next objective: Dean likes to eat poo. Or Dean likes to eat Hotdog.
Posted by: Tripitaka | July 10, 2005 12:27 PM
Absolutely, a fecal fetish
http://15minutesistoolong.blogspot.com/2005/07/dean-glucina-despot-in-training.html
Posted by: s2art | July 11, 2005 10:16 AM
Tim is a tosser at best imho, tough picking anyone in the house that I'd like to see win plenty of bucks, but I'd least like to see Tim get it. Intelligence?! why do people keep using this in the same sentence as Tim, I haven't heard anything clever come from this dork..
Posted by: rgold | July 12, 2005 5:27 PM
You don't need to kill someone for lying behind your back and then smiling in your face. Hell no, thats not serious enough for that. Me personally, if I was betrayed by a 'friend', then they wouldn't be my friend anymore, for a kangapoo prank or killing someone. Weak moral fibre, doesn't earn my respect.
Posted by: rg | July 12, 2005 5:41 PM
Jeepers are we watching the same show, dear timmy cracks me up every time I tune in to BB, & Ves is developing nicely too.
Posted by: kes | July 12, 2005 6:10 PM
Thats just it, he's like a little puppy dog, feeble and pathetic. Are these the people that win big brother, just keep quiet, don't get involved any anything controversial. I don't watch always, but a couple of hints, how to fall asleep to Ves, and how to put the end to a uncalled for erection... please, my kids could come up with better advice.
Posted by: rg | July 12, 2005 6:23 PM
Well you have really missed a lot, Tim consistently tries to engage any HM he can in deep and meaningful and controversial topics. He's there in the thick of anything interesting going on - I think you have just missed it (and they don't always show it on TV).
Some interesting Timmy information, from BBA forums: Tim Exposed - your essential guide to Planet Tim
How has scrawny Tim become a favourite for winning BB? Maybe he's not a backstabber, has great taste in women (watches Italian movies while Rachael takes a nude bath), or has a quirky personality.
The daily shows have been showing little of Tim despite his rising popularity. He's got the housemates doing theatresports or mock court trials. Ch 10 shows none of this because it sees sex as the only path to higher ratings. Pity.
What do we know about Tim? · graduate of the University of Sydney, where his studies included anthropology (how primitive human tribes interact) · was a director of the Sydney Uni union Comment on Tim being elected in 2001: "TB, a potsmoking total waste of space ran as a “Green”, taking advantage of the real Greens’ total failure to field a candidate, and won" · was a writer on ABC TV's satirical political comedy The Chaser www.chaser.com.au · has a fan club at http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/teamtim with 110 members · has a personal website, registered in April 2005 · does not join in the bitching sessions · is generallly a good sport about being bullied · has educated housemates about the humanitarian crisis in Sudan · writes articles for http://workers.labor.net.au/ (Labor workers online ) "It would be a fantastic outcome if this young man who supports union principles remains in the house to the end," said its secretary, John Robertson. · From the Public Service Association of NSW: - "Letter advising Unions NSW that former EMC employee TimB was a housemate on reality TV show "Big Brother". The Union said Com. Tim, when asked a question about John Howard told it straight, the way it should be told." Da, Comrade.
Satirical Tim Being a comedy writer with a bunch of clueless housemates gives time ample time to ply his craft.
Tim has told housemates: · he has four kidneys · he can live on wood for a year · he is a Bedouin with a second set of eyelids he can lower during sandstorms
Posted by: kes | July 12, 2005 6:58 PM
No, haven't seen these gems, any you're right, probably haven't seen enough to really judge if I've missed all of that. I believe that big brother have total control on evictions on what they show and in what context. Problem with Tim is that if they were all like him it would make for really boring viewing. Take your point... but still.... EVICT HIM ;)
Posted by: rg | July 12, 2005 7:22 PM
Nu-huh, no way, no how and NO. Don't evict Tim - he's the only sane aspect of BB this season. He's funny, intelligent and unlike some of the other HM's, he can string a sentence together. I await the wonderous day that Gretel announces him the winner and he pontificates gloriously with her for hours on end about Dean and Kate and 'his time in the house'. I don't even think I'd mind if BB went over time and Criminal Intent was really really late . . .
Posted by: TallulahBelle | July 12, 2005 8:13 PM
Yup... no one's topped Pauly in my opinion. Agree!!
Posted by: Annie | July 12, 2005 9:33 PM
As long as this shit is not clashing with 24 at any point, we're cool.
Tim versus Jack Bauer is a very tough choice and I'd rather not have to deal with things like that.
Posted by: -al. | July 12, 2005 11:33 PM
I can NOT believe you're all so quiet about the grecian-style TRAGEDY we have faced in the form of a HOTDOGLESS HOUSE. Thank the lordy we still have a tepid dog in the form of Christie.
Now. I never believed this could happen, but I think I actually am beginning to loathe another housemate more than I loathe Dean. Dean is a nasty piece of work, but I must say that come Sunday night, I'm dreaming of Gretso standing on stage in a flimsy piece of nylon...Ohh by the way for all you couture-heads out there, I think I've finally found the source of Gretelinkski's delectable fashion ensembles: her name is Ky-leight (silent T) and she's a 14 year old resident of Wantirna who, in a fit of pique, donated all her favourite clubbing outfits to the Brotherhood of St Laurence after she found out she'd been knocked up by her boyfriend's best friend Stavros (19, deputy night manager, Hungry Jacks) in one illicit, steamy and instantly regretable session in the back of his mum's Corolla after a late night screening of 'Batman Begins' at Hoyts, Knox City. The mystery solved!
Now that's sorted, where was I? Oh yes, in my dream, Gretski's on stage and the words I'm mouthing, whispering, imploring her to say are: It's time to go....................RITA!
Tonight's daily show sealed her death in my black, black heart. To Melanie: "I think you're a very negative person, you never smile and I'm used to being around happy people. I think you're very judgmental, without knowing the facts....not in a bad way [NOT IN A BAD WAY????]...And I think you're intimidated by how happy and positive I am." and then later, to Tim, looking at rest of house, "They're all just a pack of fakes."
HAH! Hypocritical moron.
nora xoxoxox
PS Ooh just one more thing...If any of you cunts try to evict Tim I will personally hunt you down and kill you. xoxoxox.
Posted by: nora | July 12, 2005 11:52 PM
Rita is very peculiar, the grinning chipmunk thing is quite creepy, I have never seen someone make such insulting remarks with such a manic grin other than in a movie - such a the "joker" in Batman. Does she have a physical problem closing the mouth perhaps, she doesn't seem able to cover her teeth.
And the attitude, "I'm only trying to help you" what does she think this is group therapy? And who appointed her therapist. If she came near me I would want to smack her the mouth with a trout. Could she have ADD or that borderline personality thing? Joker Rita she's too weird & freaky.
Posted by: kes | July 13, 2005 12:33 PM
has anyone got the Christie /Beauty and the Beast comparison picture?
Posted by: gumby | July 15, 2005 2:57 PM
tim sux so bad, i hope those rad guys beat the fuck outa him for being the lil woosy bitch that he is, he sucks up the girls asses and the boys, he wants to "be cool" more then anyof them. i find it pathetic the only girl he can get is a girl with obvious problems, where were his moralls there, tim is a low life seedy nerd who probably wanks off to animation porn every night of the week
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Posted by: real estate investing | July 16, 2005 3:35 PM
Well dear your comment about the only girl tim being able to get was the one with problems...that wont be the case when he gets out! All the boys (as opposed to men) in the house will be lucky if they are ever with a woman again while timmy will have the pick of australian women (as opposed to girls). You just gotta luv that man!!!
Posted by: luvin tim | July 16, 2005 5:34 PM
http://www.spinstartshere.com/?q=node/771
Posted by: X | July 17, 2005 5:24 AM
Any theories on why Gretel Killeen appeared to be wearing a danish pastry on the back of her head during last night's eviction show?
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Posted by: Robert Allen | July 18, 2005 8:25 PM
You forgot to talk about Dean's as Despot in training
http://15minutesistoolong.blogspot.com/2005/07/dean-glucina-despot-in-training.html
Posted by: s2art | July 19, 2005 1:12 PM
I believe it was probably to distract from the fact that she is an early 40's woman whom would rather do anything else in the world than embaress herself by hosting a purile reality TV show featuring sluts, bogans, country hicks and weedy sleazebags masquerading as journalists, but is eminently incapable of being employed to do anything else. Then again, maybe she was just hungry. Or was possibly trying to woo a former housemate back to her life with some sweeties. I like Gretel. She's an inspiration for all those that do things they desperately don't want to purely for the coin.
Posted by: Rick James Bitch | July 19, 2005 11:10 PM
Here's a better comparison to Christie:
http://antz.bur.st/random/beautybeast.jpg
I'm not sure what TV he's from, but I first thought it was "Joshua" from Dark Angel.
Posted by: antzpantz | July 20, 2005 1:39 AM
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Posted by: Donald Trump | July 21, 2005 9:23 AM
Vesna has hit the lead. Did Timmy peak too early? I love Ves she's hilarious and she's good interacting with timmy. But I want the only adult in there to win. Come on Timmy. Are people believing the crap that comes out of anti Tim HMs, is Dean campaigning against Timmy now he's been let loose? Support Timmy at timbrunero.com
Posted by: kes | July 22, 2005 12:23 PM
you are an absolute nerd
Posted by: podjer | July 22, 2005 11:29 PM
Tim is probably the smartest member of the BB ‘05 household. However, the BB household is populated by borderline retards. Tim shines in this environment, but intelligence is a relative matter.
Tim is so dumb that he thinks homophobia is a legitimate word, and means hatred of homosexuals!! Etymology would suggest that it means fear of same. The word was only ever introduced as a joke, but has been picked up and embraced by the quasi-literate attempting to sound erudite.
Tim is so dumb that he thinks Marie Antoinette was the Queen of Spain!
Tim is so dumb that he echoed Christie’s faux pas “den of inequity” rather than “den of iniquity”! (Christie is so dumb that I’m surprised she’s not institutionalised. This is an advantage for Christie, as one would need to be that dumb to remain outgoing whilst being that ugly.)
I could continue with example after example from the outpourings of Tim, but what’s the use.
Posted by: bemused | July 27, 2005 2:52 PM