Make ausculture.com your own. Post your content.
Register at http://www.ausculture.com/register
June 21, 2005
Oh, I Forgot To Mention…
Lefty Tim is getting spunkier by the day.
Meanwhile, this article contains much of the brilliant Tim-related stuff people have been commenting and emailing me about. I wanted to quote parts of it, but the ENTIRE THING IS GREAT (just like Tim) so here it is in full.
Every family has its prodigal son and its stoic worker and the newly expanded Logan family is no exception. Since the house was split into servants and masters yesterday, Tim has been adopted as the third brother in the Logan brothers family, demanding that he be referred to in future as Logan (Tim).
As the newest, and oldest, of the three Logan brothers, Tim is certainly taking advantage of his position of power. One of Greg’s major tasks since becoming Tim’s slave has been to warm the toilet seat before Tim goes to the bathroom.
Last night he had his servant running between the servant’s bedroom and the master’s bedroom with all kinds of crazy requests.
It started with the need to be tucked in with a bedtime story before he went to sleep. Logan (Greg) was particularly diligent, tucking his Master in tightly, before settling on the bed-head to tell him and his bedmate, Logan (David), a story.
Tim requested the story be about a young man with a slightly deformed but good chest who was aggressive and loud. Greg obliged, but was sent to the kitchen mid-story to get a stool so that Logan (Tim) and Logan (David) could see him and better understand the nuances of the tale.
When the story was over Tim commended Greg for his good work, then pondered whether he would have him sing him a song. He decided instead to have him fetch a snack from the kitchen and when he returned he dismissed him.
“I must now take the counsel of my fellow masters. Leave,” he said pointing to the door.
Greg had barely left the room when Tim called him back. He knocked before entering, as Tim had earlier instructed.
“Master Shearer needs to have a word to you,” Tim instructed. Glenn then made a rubbing motion with his hands. “It means kryptonite,” said Glenn as a laughing Greg left the room. “It’s a personal joke.”
Tim immediately called Greg back and asked for a refill of his water glass. When he returned with the water he asked Greg if the personal joke could be explained to the other masters.
“No,” said Greg. Tim pressed his buzzer to call Greg, who was still standing in front of him.
“Explain the personal joke,” he demanded. Greg started to tell the group that he and Glenn had been talking about things they liked to eat, but Tim interrupted him with the buzzer again.
“I think this story would be best delivered hopping on one leg,” he said.
“The other day we were out in the sun talking about what we liked to eat. I explained to shearer that I enjoy a couple of scoops of vanilla ice cream with chocolate crushed over the top,” he said making the same rubbing motion with his hands that Glenn had made earlier.
“This little enjoyment of mine grew into much larger scale and Glenn thought he had my kryptonite, my weakness,” Greg explained. “Is that all Tim?”
Unimpressed with the story, Tim pressed the buzzer again and said to Greg: “I need you to explain to the other servants that of the three Logan brothers you were loved least by the family, parents, sisters,” he said.
Greg went off to the servants quarters to make the announcement and received a round of clapping from a very impressed group of masters.
Later that night Tim summoned Greg again and asked him to sing for his fellow servants a round of ‘If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands’, loudly so the masters could hear. As he sang, the masters clapped loudly in the appropriate places, before settling down to sleep in their comfy double beds.
As the newest, and oldest, of the three Logan brothers, Tim is certainly taking advantage of his position of power. One of Greg’s major tasks since becoming Tim’s slave has been to warm the toilet seat before Tim goes to the bathroom.
Last night he had his servant running between the servant’s bedroom and the master’s bedroom with all kinds of crazy requests.
It started with the need to be tucked in with a bedtime story before he went to sleep. Logan (Greg) was particularly diligent, tucking his Master in tightly, before settling on the bed-head to tell him and his bedmate, Logan (David), a story.
Tim requested the story be about a young man with a slightly deformed but good chest who was aggressive and loud. Greg obliged, but was sent to the kitchen mid-story to get a stool so that Logan (Tim) and Logan (David) could see him and better understand the nuances of the tale.
When the story was over Tim commended Greg for his good work, then pondered whether he would have him sing him a song. He decided instead to have him fetch a snack from the kitchen and when he returned he dismissed him.
“I must now take the counsel of my fellow masters. Leave,” he said pointing to the door.
Greg had barely left the room when Tim called him back. He knocked before entering, as Tim had earlier instructed.
“Master Shearer needs to have a word to you,” Tim instructed. Glenn then made a rubbing motion with his hands. “It means kryptonite,” said Glenn as a laughing Greg left the room. “It’s a personal joke.”
Tim immediately called Greg back and asked for a refill of his water glass. When he returned with the water he asked Greg if the personal joke could be explained to the other masters.
“No,” said Greg. Tim pressed his buzzer to call Greg, who was still standing in front of him.
“Explain the personal joke,” he demanded. Greg started to tell the group that he and Glenn had been talking about things they liked to eat, but Tim interrupted him with the buzzer again.
“I think this story would be best delivered hopping on one leg,” he said.
“The other day we were out in the sun talking about what we liked to eat. I explained to shearer that I enjoy a couple of scoops of vanilla ice cream with chocolate crushed over the top,” he said making the same rubbing motion with his hands that Glenn had made earlier.
“This little enjoyment of mine grew into much larger scale and Glenn thought he had my kryptonite, my weakness,” Greg explained. “Is that all Tim?”
Unimpressed with the story, Tim pressed the buzzer again and said to Greg: “I need you to explain to the other servants that of the three Logan brothers you were loved least by the family, parents, sisters,” he said.
Greg went off to the servants quarters to make the announcement and received a round of clapping from a very impressed group of masters.
Later that night Tim summoned Greg again and asked him to sing for his fellow servants a round of ‘If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands’, loudly so the masters could hear. As he sang, the masters clapped loudly in the appropriate places, before settling down to sleep in their comfy double beds.
I could just eat him up with a spoon.
Posted by Jess at June 21, 2005 11:40 PM— Filed under
Comments
As hilarious and fun lovable as Tim is, don't you think that this behaviour will likely see him nominated this week, and badly?
Posted by: s2art | June 22, 2005 6:57 AM
Hee! And all of that was before Tim wondered aloud if having Greg sing the Imperial March whenever he entered the room might be a bit much.
Posted by: X | June 22, 2005 8:15 AM
Sorry, what the hell's all this master and slave stuff? Has the BB house suddenly turned into a gay masochist fetish retreat?
Posted by: MrLefty | June 22, 2005 9:23 AM
I don't reckon he will... while he's demanding - he's funny with it, and none of his requests are actually selfish... they are more for entertainment purposes.
He's doing the task with flair, and isn't a wanker about it....
Posted by: Muppet | June 22, 2005 11:45 AM
This is the bit I love (from the BB website):
"Also I really like to be “little spoon” when spooning with girls. It annoys them and is selfish, and shames me. But I can’t help it."
Awww. Timmy. Heart.
Posted by: Tuppence | June 22, 2005 3:07 PM
Christie: I thought you loved politics; you talk about it heaps. Kate: No, I don’t know much. I talk about it with Tim because I want to learn. I’d like to know what’s going on in this country. Tim enters. V (?): Tim, talk about politics with Kate. K: No, please don’t! Go over there, if you want to talk. C: You’ll hear it anyway. K: Not as much. Vesna writes on her ballot: Get F’d. T: What you’re doing is giving up any small voice you have. V: I can easily take it back, because I can vote next year. K: What do you think of Howard?. V: Me? He’s a dickhead. D: Cause she doesn’t like how he goes on his morning walks. V: In his tracksuit. T: I suppose that’s as good a reason as anything else.
10.50am V: I’m allowed to not like him. It’s like people don’t like me, I don’t like them. K: And it’s their loss. V: Kate, there’s no need for sarcasm in the conversation. D: kate! Cheapshot!. C: You’re so narrow minded, Kate!. K: And ignorant!. V: See? I would never say that about people. I might think it, but I would never say it.. V: What do you think about Pauline Hanson, Tim?. C: I think she’s great. I think people should listen to her.
10.57am Obviously the political discussion is not suitable for us to listen too. Feed on sleeping housemates
Ves called to diary room Ves comes back. she's not allowed to call Howard a dick head, almost got a fine.
Posted by: kes | June 23, 2005 5:04 PM
I'm so shattered that they didn't play any of the footage of Tim putting Greg through the ringer. 1 or 2 comments about warming the toilet seat, then that was it. It appears that Tim's hilarity took backseat to Vesna's incessent whinging...however, just when I thought I hated her, she has redeemed herself:
Vesna tells Tim he is: "the perfect person." She goes on to say that: "Out of everyone in here you are the different one and different in a good way."
nice save.
Posted by: Kate | June 24, 2005 1:30 AM
Jess,
Last night's Uplate was GOLD. Best one I've ever seen. Kate was ridiculously drunk and abused everyone and Lefty lost it. In fact, they all lost it. Admittedly, I'd had 2 bottles of wine by the time it was on, but my Lord, it was good.
I've written a little bit about it but I'm sure you can probably find out more on the BB sites. I wish I taped it for you. So. Very. Funny.
Posted by: ms cynic | June 24, 2005 4:42 PM
I did like him but he does eat pig's testes
Posted by: Lefty from Tas | June 24, 2005 10:48 PM
Then again, Thatcher ate an onion without crying. Just like her idol.
Posted by: Lefty from Tas | June 24, 2005 11:12 PM
Our beloved Lefty Tim deserves to be in that rewards room.
Posted by: Coconut | June 24, 2005 11:44 PM
He sure does!
Posted by: Annie | June 25, 2005 3:19 PM
I think Tim did the best thing with this horrible task--take the piss out of it! Greg went along with it beautifully and came up with a few of his own daft ideas when he became master :)
Posted by: TD | June 25, 2005 6:13 PM
Is this for real? Really really for real? That's quite disturbing if it is.
Posted by: Watermelon Boy | June 26, 2005 3:19 AM
Looks like an "evict Christie" campaign should get moving?
Posted by: Buck Fudd | June 27, 2005 9:12 PM
Oh, PLEASE do. Or a Slap Christie campaign, one or the other.
Posted by: Tripitaka | June 28, 2005 4:44 PM
And the latest task, back to school - timmy is of course blitzing all HMs and is teachers pet.
From todays diary: BB tells the HMs: "That was an appalling history lesson. Big Brother suggests all school kids spend more time with Tim."
Posted by: kes | June 29, 2005 5:20 PM