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October 11, 2004
Fisticuffs Galore - Oh, And A Song Or Two!
Well ladies and gentlemen - while on the main blog I may be continuing my flitting between noisy whining and disturbingly upbeat delusional behaviour, life in the Idol world goes on. If Andrew G and James Mathison had come out on stage and declared “Australian Idol 2004 has been cancelled, since it’s blatantly obvious the Australian public can’t be trusted voting for anything. We simply cannot risk Marty Worrall winning the competition. Goodnight.” I probably wouldn’t have been surprised. But they didn’t because as we all know, politics means nothing in the adorably fickle and shallow world of pop and if there’s a God, that’s the way it’ll stay.
On with the show! This episode opinion piece will consist of random thoughts. Bear with me, at the very least, the random thoughts will occur in chronological order. Is that a paradox? No? Yes? I knew I should never have slept through Year Twelve English. Stupid comfy pencil-case-on-desk-mattress. By the way, I was at the pub last night but taped Idol and watched it in the wee hours of the night out of dedication. This means I saw the performances, saw most of the judges reactions, but fast forwarded through excessive Beatles history lessons and old folk nattering on about how they knew the gang back in the day. Hope I didn’t miss anything interesting! Below are my hastily scribbled notes. Some in past tense, some in present tense - please do not judge me, English is not my first language. Really.
Andrew G looks ADORABLE when running dressed as a Beatle. When he stops running, I lose my attraction. Odd. Obviously the only way for Andrew G and I to fulfil our destiny as lurvers is for me to purchase a treadmill and handcuff him to it. Andrew, understand I’m only doing it because I know what’s best for us - not because I’m psycho. Please don’t be frightened. Or rent ‘Misery’ anytime soon. xxxx
We begin with Chanel arriving on stage to sing “Across The Universe”. A song I like, yes indeed, but I don’t want to make hot sexy love to it so I figure I’m nicely unbiased. I did enjoy Fiona Apple’s version of it though. I must admit that Chanel’s hair bothered me at first, but then I realised I am far too mature to be distracted by trivial things like Princess Leia buns, or random plants. The beginning doesn’t do too much for me - I like her, I really do, but the coy wistful facial expressions are beginning to wear me down. Could my lack of sleep be leading me to feel such sacrilegious emotions?! I liked Chanel’s version of the song but I didn’t love it. Gasp. It just didn’t feel like she was hitting it for some reason. The hard, loud bit at the end grated a little and for the first time I could actually hear the Bjork-aspect. After the song finished, the audience went wild - too wild - and I began to suspect they were anticipating another judge’s backlash towards Chanel. At least sweet little Daniel Belle gave her a standing ovation… in his pants! Boom boom. Champagne comedy here at ausculture.com. Well, it turned out that I have no fucking clue what I’m on about - the judges loved it. They lapped it up! Marcia knows Fiona Apple AND likes Chanel tonight - what alternate world have I jumped into, Sliders style? This could all mean one of two things; either I am totally ‘in the zone’ tonight regarding Idol judging and everyone else in the world is daft, or my post-election depression\lack of sleep has resulted in me only finding Chanel adequate tonight rather than absolute genius. I suspect I might be at fault.
What to say about Anthony Calea? He destroyed “I Saw Her Standing There”. It was the musical equivalent of shoving Christina Aguilera (who is high on crack at the time of this metaphor) in a blender with a vibrator jammed down her throat and Boyz 2 Men thrown in the mix for good measure. Disappointingly bubblegum as Dicko said, and a real shame considering how fantastic his performance was last week. Nevermind Anthony, the teen vote will keep you in the competition till at LEAST the final three.
Casey, Casey, Casey… An excellent song choice for you, as everyone has said, and an awful overpowering (orchestra wise) rendition of it. For the first time ever, Casey’s voice was drowned out by the music and she looked out of place.
Now time for some hilarious “On The Street” banter! Countless Australian’s confessing to the camera that they have “no idea” who The Beatles were\are. Remember that these people vote - and not just for Idol. I guarantee you every single one of those twitching morons muttering stuff about having “never grown up” with The Beatles while drooling on their shoes voted Liberal. Or Family First…. erm, sorry about slipping back into Political Jess Mode. Normal service will now resume.
Quote of the night! “Shame that they shot one of them, I reckon!” Too right, crazy old adorable granny!
Around this point in the show, I began to question whether Glenn A Baker had been brought onto the show as a guest, or as an on-set tutor. The pre performance clip\informal chat by each Idol contestant came off more like a class report on The Beatles. “This song was written in 1964 and it’s really nice. It’s about wanting to hold someone’s hand, which is really important. In conclusion, while I’ve been living in a cave all my life and managed to avoid ever hearing one of the most influential bands on earth ever despite the fact I’m ‘all about the music’, I would like to let you all know that The Beatles were in fact quite a good band, so it turns out. I thoroughly recommend you give these guys a whirl. Do yourself a favour, Molly style. May I also suggest you keep an ear out for a little known Irish band called U2 - their singer is a little daft but I think they could be the one-hit wonders of the year! Thank you. “
And now, Marty. He sings one of my favourite Beatles songs “Oh Darling” (long story) and… and… he manages to pull it off. Sort of. In a Marty way. With idiotic facial expressions galore. Despite my intense fear of him winning this competition, I am forced to give him kudos for his version. Unlike our first two singers, he didn’t bugger it up completely by trying to “Kyle & Jackie O” it. Dicko wins my heart by summing it up brilliantly with a jubilant “He wasn’t rubbish tonight!”
Hayley sings classic Beatles tune “Yesterday” and does quite a good job of it. Hayley suits soft, emotive songs - it’s the bigger stuff that just makes her seem awkward and uncomfortable. She won’t be the Australian Idol but that’s okay since she’ll probably carve out a nice career either in the inoffensive soft adult orientated pop scene a la Dido, the inoffensive soft adult orientated jazz\blues scene a la Norah Jones, or the inoffensive soft adult orientated alt-country scene a la heaps of people I can’t think of right now due to sleep deficiency. Those of you with downloading ability - search for a song called “Half An Acre” by a band called Hem. Ever since Hayley’s first audition, I’ve thought this style of song would suit her perfectly. It’s also worth noting how comfortable she seems tonight - bantering with the judges, standing up for herself in an excellent yet still not cocky manner. Hayley has grown immensely through this competition - it’s a pity she’s just not Idol material. This is not necessarily a bad thing for her. The judges comment on her performance, and Mark confesses to “not having the best recording voice” himself. Dicko responds with “Things You Didn’t Need To Say Volume #4055” and I continue sending him love.
Courtney did a good if not over-active version of “Got To Get You Into My Life” - the verses were vintage excellent Courtney - but the chorus was exposed as the let down it is in general. God, somewhere out there a Beatles fan is polishing a musket with my name on it, but nevermind - onwards and upwards. Courtney has the voice that Idol management must have hoped Shannon Noll would have last year. I’d say no matter who wins this years Idol, the collective first, second and third place peeps will probably be more vocally talented. Good lord. I really am half asleep now so if I’m just being daft, forgive me. I feel like I might just be rambling incoherently now.
Marcia, please inform the public of when you last lived in a ghetto. I need an explanation as to why a woman who has lived and worked in Australia for most of her life feels the continual need to repeat hip hop slang as though she’s straight outta Compton. “Those lines were slammin’”, “You go sister-girlfriend” - please don’t try and be hip. While you mock Mark Holden, half the time you talk the same amount of useless rubbish as he does.
Sky Mangel is in the audience! Best! Episode! Ever!
Look out, it’s Ricki-Lee “Idol Party Drug!” Coulter and she’s going all Chaka Khan on our arses! As I watch her strut her stuff, there’s no doubt in my mind that she’s the best choice for this year’s Australian Idol winner. She looks beautiful, she’s energetic, she’s likable but not in a vomity way, and she is completely relaxed and comfortable on the stage. Sure, there was a moment of weakness when she forgot a lyric towards the end but all in all, I concluded that hers was my favourite performance of the night. Bring on judges’ adoration! IDOL! IDOL! IDOL! Except it would appear I have the wrong end of the stick. Dicko assures me it was horrendous. Were we watching the same show? Should I put this one down to sleep deprivation too?
The best part about Ricki-Lee’s performance was that it led to Ultimate Biff Of Idol 2004 - hurrah! Dicko puts Marcia in her place by refusing to let her talk over him, she’s getting upset and edging closer and closer to pulling out a “You ain’t all that and a bag of chips!”, relevance and job worth are questioned - you can’t ask for more! Well, you could ask for Daniel Belle to be involved, but you can’t win them all.
So there you have it, My incoherent daft Idol wrap for last night. Oh darling. Please forgive me.
Posted by Jess at October 11, 2004 3:26 PM— Filed under Australian Idol 2004 Blogfest
Comments
I forgot to watch the damn thing! But the Beatles talk reminded me of an "I'm Alan Partridge" quote:
Ben: What’s your favourite Beatles album, then? Alan: Tough one. I think I’d have to say ‘The Best of the Beatles’.
I hope that show comes to .au, then I won't feel so obscure :)
Posted by: wilko | October 11, 2004 5:38 PM
I know exactly what you're talking about - good show!
Posted by: Jess | October 11, 2004 5:41 PM
I feel less obscure already!
Posted by: wilko | October 11, 2004 5:51 PM
Man, oh man. What was up with them Idols? And the voters - have they decided to go, 'Fuck it, we want both Howard and a horrible idol experience!' ?
I loved Chanel. I almost expect to stop doing it, each new performance I briefly consider if it's going to be the one that makes me hop off the Chanel train, but that week was not Beatles night. She was the best performer tonight, pipping Hayley. Maybe I'm just in the mood for quieter songs, not in the mood to bop or shimmy or express joy. But I was in the mood for this.
I wasn't in the mood for Anthony to become part of a Las Vegas revue. He sang well, but it was very Wayne Newton. Now, if he'd someone gotten a giant float and could have done it through the streets of Chicago, I would have thought it much better, but I bet he hasn't even seen Ferris Bueller.
I was also not in the mood for Casey to again get drowned out (when she was in the bottom three, she was quiet), to forget anything that Father Mackenzie did, and generally suck more than I thought she could. On one-off performances, she was the worst.
And Marty finally, finally kicked back in, but was probably bottom in terms of combined performance efforts. He was straining for the notes, and that really suited the song. Plus, his falsetto is a strength - Erana always calls it his 'head voice' - and he didn't overuse it but did bring it in. One of his best.
Hayley is my second favourite now. She had a delightful alt-ballad tone to her, and her voice continually surprises me with its range and strength. Andrew G said it's been covered over ... was it 160 or 1600? I can't remember, a shit-load of times anyway. But she delivered it beautifully. Of all the contestants to stay on the couch, she deserved to be there the most.
Courtney started really, really strongly, and I liked him again, and then he stumbled and didn't properly recover, in my eyes. The guy is adored, though - I'm worried he'll win. I don't want him to win. I think he needs a humility check by being at least in the bottom three, and really should have been this week, I think.
I would have said Ricki-Lee needed a bit of a humility check as well, but not being turfed. Sure, she screwed up her performance somewhat, but of the three who did it particularly noticeably, she covered with energy and verve, and I still really like her. I heard some backlash about her behaviour on Inside Idol and so on, but on actually seeing it it was a lot more innocent than how it sounded - the reverse of most anything Marcia might say. She wasn't as good as she has been, but she wasn't booting material.
But the public, they put Chanel second last again, and sent Marty to be safe again, and really either Casey (for the week) or Marty (for the whole thing) should have gone. A bottom two of Ricki-Lee and Chanel was just wrong. WRONG! Damn you, Australian public! Can't you do anything I want you to?
As for the biffo - wow, it didn't involve Mark. Dicko is still my judging god, but Mark (comments about Hayley aside) only really rises in my estimation each week. Marcia, however, needed to be told once and forever more to not keep interrupting. Nice of her to admit she's thought performances sucked after the fact when she welcomed Courtney back. Nice of her to also only fully praise Chanel when she gave a belting moment - the very end of the song was a sop to Marcia, and her ego soothed, she could praise Chanel.
But go, Dicko! You picked up exactly what Marcia was implying and made her recant. He may not sing, but his job isn't to empathise, his is to present the point of view of the industry. If they were all girlfriending their way through the judging, it would be a dull, hateful judging table indeed.
Good to see your thoughts back into it, Jess - I, too, watched the show late (recovering from drowning my sorrows, after all), and have only just finished watching. But bah to democracy, I say. Especially overly religious crazies influencing our everyday life.
Posted by: Gadge | October 12, 2004 5:53 AM
What show were you watching??
Chanel was amazing.
Ricki-Lee was very average.
Casey was total crap, as was Marty.
Anyway why was that the bottom 3?? Ricki-Lee maybe deserved a bottom 3 appearence but no way in hell should it have been more than 3rd last for her. It's obvious that Casey & Marty deserved that bottom 2, on those performances at least but they put 2 people that didn't deserve it in there.
WHAT THE FUCK HAS CHANEL GOT TO DO?? She puts on a very good rendition of Constant Craving(& I despise KD LANG)& then blows us away with that performance of a virtually unknown Beatles song(I've asked around)& she still can't escape the bottom 2?? Australia is either:
-Realising that their favourite performer is crap compared to Chanel/worried that Chanel will be serious competition & are voting like mad to get rid of her/keep their favourite in.
-Actually believing the diva crap & are determined to get rid of the 'evil' chanel by any means necessary.
I know it's not that the Chanel fans are complancent etc because we are indeed voting, so their must be another reason.
In conclusion, what can she do?? I just don't have the answer but I'll buy her CD either way!!
Posted by: The Rabbitman | October 12, 2004 2:05 PM
Listen, I love Chanel I really do, so I don't quite understand why I didn't really go for her performance on Sunday night.
I totally agreed with Dicko that last week's performance of Constant Craving was delicious and hypnotic and I was disappointed when the band kicked in because she was so brilliant with barely any accompaniment.
But this week, it just didn't do it for me. What can I say? I'm here to be honest, and at least you all now know that I'm prepared judge the performers I love objectively.
Poor old Marty though, I'll always kinda resent him :)
Posted by: Jess | October 12, 2004 2:14 PM
Chanel's problem isn't her performing. That is excellent. Instead, it's her personality ... many (such as me!) find it very irritating. That little speal of her's as soon as Rickie got the boot was (for example) totally innapropriate and annoying! Save it for later Chanel. It was rickie's moment.
www.timholland.com
Posted by: D | October 12, 2004 3:18 PM
Has anyone put Chanel tunes on the internet for download?
I mean... ahem... thats not legal!
Posted by: Adam | October 12, 2004 9:53 PM
Adam, you CERTAINLY didn't hear this from me, but...
http://www.jc.com.au/~meself/
Not that I'd give you anything like that of course, being as illegal as it is and all.
Posted by: scottie | October 12, 2004 11:06 PM
Nor would I recommend you check out the Chanel Cole Yahoo group, a link easily found from such sites, for further downloads, some of better quality. Which I wouldn't know, as the quality of illegal material is something I'm not aware of.
Posted by: Gadge | October 13, 2004 8:54 PM
So, Jess, what are your thoughts on Dicko leaving?
Do they in fact echo my, "Noooo!" ?
Posted by: Gadge | October 13, 2004 8:56 PM
Hey Gadge,
Yeah - they do indeed echo your "Noooo!" - especially since he's thinking of going to Seven which quite frankly is the home of atrocious television in general (even by reality television standards). I also wonder if it is such a sound idea from his perspective - Idol has made him famous and he's excellent on it. However his turn as host of Shannon Noll's album launch left a little to be desired. There's every possibility that he could flop trying his hand at something new, or the Idol fans that have helped make him famous may resent him for jumping ship while there are still plans for Idol III afloat.
Alternatively, he could move to Seven, kick arse, make squillions and thank the Lord he got out of Idol when he did. However, I don't really see that happening...
By the way, thanks for your excellent recap in the comments champy! I know I didn't reply (silly election related stuff distracts me from stuff now and then, boo me!) but I did read and enjoy it :)
Posted by: Jess | October 13, 2004 9:21 PM
Heh - your continued enjoyment means I will vent to you all my Aus. Idol opinions - I'm not stopping anytime soon, is what I'm saying.
As for the Dicko thing, Andrew G. on The Panel last night said it's pretty much a done deal. We'll probably get more of the story on Thursday, and again on Sunday - but for now all I can do is draw a line between shitloads of cash on the one hand, and getting away from that hag Marcia on the other. A win-win, it would seem.
I've never gotten the various network's propensities for signing people as general personalities, though. I always thought it would be wiser to try and match people to roles, rather than thinking, "I have a show that needs a host, and three spare on the host heap - let's chuck one in and see if they stick." I mean, that's the sort of thing that leads to Don't Forget Your Toothbrush and Win Roy and HG's Money. Those were two shows that actually worked in their original format, hard as it may be to any Australians who saw our cheap knockoffs.
But, yes. I would have been distracted by the elections, but I instead chose to live in denial for as long as possible. The wine helped.
Posted by: Gadge | October 14, 2004 1:39 PM
hey. I read in the paper this morning that ol dicko was leaving. If there si an oz idol 3 i wont b watching coz it will be pure crap without dicko there. Come to think of pure crap, it is borderline pure crap even with dicko there.
Posted by: Laura | October 17, 2004 10:31 AM
I liked Don't forget your toothbrush, mainly because Tim Ferguson was the coolest adult I had ever seen. Although i did not really like it when he hit chopped liver and other hideous items into the crowd. And wearing plain brightly coloured suits: Classic.
Posted by: james | October 17, 2004 12:39 PM
If I were Ricki, I would have been glad of a moment to calm the crying down, snort it back up, and maybe wipe my nose on Chanel's shoulder (but if I were still me in the scenario I would have been breathing in the Chanel goodness)...and her comment was about Ricki Lee being great - so how would that steal her sobby/runny nose moment??
Posted by: Katie | October 26, 2004 10:28 PM
Sorry about that Jess, I was just hyped up & a wee bit tanked up............
Anyway I do love your work, you guys are very fair, unlike that other site which said that they would drive to Sydney & personally kill Chanel, before they'd let her win Australian Idol.
Posted by: The Rabbitman | October 28, 2004 12:13 AM
Sorry about that Jess, I was just hyped up & a wee bit tanked up............
Anyway I do love your work, you guys are very fair, unlike that other site which said that they would drive to Sydney & personally kill Chanel, before they'd let her win Australian Idol.
Posted by: The Rabbitman | October 28, 2004 12:15 AM
No need to apologise, I don't get offended by other peoples opinions! Sometimes! Unless you're a Liberal!
Posted by: Jess | October 28, 2004 9:33 AM
.
Posted by: mp3 | November 4, 2004 9:06 PM