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October 8, 2004

ausculture.com’s guide to the HSC

As most of you will know — at ausculture we’re all into jumping onto whatever bandwagon we can find. From reality TV to politics we like to tickle whatever you fancy… whenever you like.

Considering my infallibility on all things life related, and the HSC being (almost) life related I thought I’d take some time to give the young people some helpful advice on the HSC. I present to you the ausculture.com subject-by-subject guide to the HSC.

I do realise that I probably shouldn’t be encouraging large numbers of seventeen/eighteen year-old HSC students to visit ausculture.com (for our sake; not theirs) but, you know, bandwagon.

[Those of you in states other than NSW can substitute whatever you like for HSC]

ausculture.com’s subject guide

I’ev left out a number of subjects for no particular reason.

Biology

The online SMH biology guide begins by stating that the examination is “like most things in life, you get out of it what you put in.”

Pun intended? I think that about covers biology right?

Textiles & Design

Those of you taking this subject probably did so because you sucked at everything else.

My advice? Make as much fun as possible of any friends you have doing real subjects that actually have to study. You’ll feel better about yourself — honest!

Physics

Physics used to be a serious HSC subject… now it’s a joke.

If, for some strange reason, you’re going to do Physics at university then I suggest you start studying for that now… This course won’t help much.

Music

Stop wasting your time studying music. If you want to be a successful artist these days you’d be better off learning how to impress reality TV judges instead.

Mathematics

If you were too stupid to learn the course throughout the year then chances are you’re too stupid to learn the entire course in the morning on the way to the examination. Give up.

Business Studies

If you really want to succeed in business then the path of least resistence is not this course and any tertiary courses that might follow it.

The path of least resistence is actually cleverly hinted at by the acronym for this course — BS.

Engineering Studies

Didn’t you draw the short straw? Last I checked this was not a pre-requisite for any Engineering degree in the universe. Poor you.

English

You’d be surprised how far you can get by actually reading the set texts.

If you’re doing extension one (the equivalent of the old three unit) then it’s all about something called appropriations. What a trendy word.

Advice? Use the phrase “inexorably intertwined” whenver possible. Apart from that the syllabus from year 7 right through year 12 is horribly inadequate at teaching actual writing and composition skills so most of you are screwed. Give up.

Drama

Admit it, you did this course so you didn’t have to do any work — studying for it would be against your principles so don’t.

That’s it; did I miss many? Do they still have Life Management studies?