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September 28, 2004
Survivor Vanuatu | Guest Thoughts
Since ausculture.com are suckers for reality television but can’t actually get around to watching everything on the telly (we’re not superhuman, you know!) we’ve decided to allow Survivor aficionado Hayley to rant and ramble on about the latest series of Mark Burnett’s reality series as the mood takes her. Ol Shirley, I expect similar input from you!
Survivors I Hate This Season by Hayley
Before I start I want to point out that I have a 2 1/2 day ‘safe zone’ where I can look around for info on the contestants without finding out who has been voted off already - we’re only a few days behind the states (that’s from Wednesday morning through to Friday about 10am). Checking the US site takes the fun out of it, I hate knowing who goes before I get to see it so the stuff I send through isn’t going to be any spoilery stuff, becuase that sucks if you’re actually WATCHING the show. Last series I found out the final 2 three weeks in. And I was mad. Now, back to the Survivors I hate this season!
Elisa
No, this isn’t a ‘hate the hot chick’ thing. It’s a ‘got you are a complete moron, do you mind if I shoot you’ thing. Seriously. The girl is apparently ‘pre-law’ - I guess in America you don’t need to get halfway decent marks to get into Law degrees. That or she’s so ‘pre’ Law that she’s actually doing another degree to get INTO Law eventually. Anyway, this girl is Reece Witherspoon in Legally Blonde, but without the cute, innocent vibe. What was with leading all the girls in a ‘girls rule’ type chant? Why does she feel the need to prance around in that bikini when she’s shivering and freezing? Ok, last comment out, they all do that and I understand that the male viewers all lap it up, and it doesn’t bother me. It’s her bitching and moaning about everyone 2 minutes into the game that’s driving me crazy.
John P
Not to be confused with cute John (who I suspect isn’t going to last very long… he’s just way too stupid… A Mechanical Bull Operator winning survivor?) Back to John P - this guy is thick. “I don’t know how the Abodigines” or whatever he said (I really can’t remember the exact wording right now, I just know I nearly fell off the couch laughing last Tuesday night when he said it) I don’t care how big a Ben Stiller fan the guy must be, he’s irritating. It’s such a shame he kinda looks like Brady (well, when I’m not wearing my glasses they look similar) - he’ll give the poor Brady a bad rep!
Scout
I feel like I should like her cause she’s nearly 60… but I just can’t. Call me ageist, but there is a point where you’re too old for this show (unless of course you are an ex-Navy Seal and your name is Rudy). Buddying up with Twila wasn’t a great idea either. She makes me laugh but she’s going to piss way too many people off.
Chris
C’mon - balancing just isn’t that difficult. Not to mention he kinda looks like Meatloaf as Eddie in the Rocky Horror Picture Show. And he’s a highway construction worker who claims he can outsmart anyone there. Uh huh, I can’t wait to see a fight break out between stop-go man and Agent Brady.
Survivors I Probably Should Hate But Don’t… Yet
Dolly
She’s a sheep farmer that looks like Britney Spears. She’s a member of the NRA and her shorts were completely up her bum nearly the entire first episode. But I kinda like her…. but I’m thinking that’s coming from the fact I haven’t heard her speak all that much yet. I’m curious to see if she surprises me and is some genius in an unusual situation, or if she’s going to become more annoying than Eliza.
Brady
I admit - I like him because he’s good looking, and has the whole “I’m an FBI Agent” sexy thing happening. When he’s on screen I don’t really listen to what he’s saying because I’m too busy drooling.
Who I Would Most Like To See In The Final 2
(let’s hope i don’t jinx it)
Brady (because he’s hot) and Chad (because he hid the fact he only had one leg from all the guys for 24 hours! Go Chad!)
— Filed under Common
Comments
I'd like to take this opportunity to tell the millions of ausculture.com readers that I do, in fact, watch everything on television.
Posted by: Patrick | September 29, 2004 1:01 AM
Brady is, in fact, very very hot. He's also engaged to an Australian woman, which speaks to his taste. And he's competent - the only one to cross the balance beam? The one who shimmied up the pole? And did I mention how blindingly good-looking he is? He'd better stick around, is all I'm saying.
Eliza is annoying, but also canny enough to save herself when Dolly's vacillating put her on the chopping-block with only a sheep farmer to save her. I respect that sort of canny manouevring.
Not from Chris, though. Stupid Chris. Don't like him one bit. And his idea of strategy is to vote out the threats, which is fine and exactly what you should do, that is, when they're not on your side and working with you. It's such a dumb, dumb thing to do, voting out the strongest members in your tribe because they become a threat when you merge; wait for the merge to do it, otherwise no matter what you'll be low on numbers and get picked off one by one!
And I'm not just saying that because the strongest members are usually the hottest guys! Though it is a small factor.
I have no idea who will make it through - I never do, on Survivor. My only hope is that they don't somehow make it so that Rupert can win another fuckin' million.
Posted by: Gadge | September 30, 2004 2:39 PM
I need to take Scout down off the hate list! She's a big, old lesbian! After seeing the picture of her on http://www.afterellen.com/TV/82004/survivor.html I have a whole new respect for her.
Oh, and Ami's gay too. I'm sure that'll draw a few more viewers.
I have to say I hate Eliza even more now. My sister pointed out that she looks kinda like a lizard... and I have to agree!
Posted by: hayley | September 30, 2004 3:05 PM
More viewers? Is being a Lesbian still a one way ticket to credibility-ville on the cool-express?
I thought Anne Hesche with her alien abduction story had ruined it for Lesbians everywhere?
Of course, you're probably right though.
Posted by: Patrick | September 30, 2004 3:17 PM
Survivor's a show that has people crawling around in mud and prancing around in bikinis... I'm sure the lesbian thing will pull in more viewers.
And Anna Hesche... she is the one that suddenly isn't gay anymore isn't she??? Or am I completely confusing her with someone else?
PS I'd like to note that the Africa season of survivor had a gay guy on it, Brandon. It's a shame he didn't make All Stars. He was fantastic.
Posted by: hayley | September 30, 2004 3:21 PM
Yeah, I think Anne Hesche is the one that suddenly isn't gay any more.
Google tells me that she looks like this picture.
Posted by: Patrick | September 30, 2004 3:33 PM