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September 27, 2004
Judges, Ye Trouble Me…
I’m tremendously excited to tell you that Crystal from Gallagher Factor Sky’s Magical Mystery Tour will be doing a guest Idol wrap for us shortly - hurrah! If anyone else would like volunteer their services over the next few weeks (Adam, I’m specifically looking at you since I inadvertently forgot to post your delightful Daniel Belle\Angelina Jolie pics!) it’d be much appreciated. Gadge and Wilko are also rather marvellous at providing alternate opinions in our comments sections, so if you lads want to step up to the plate as well over the next few weeks, I’d love you forever and ever.
Right - here are my quick comments regarding last night.
Judges, I feel obliged to point out the dribbling pile of human shite you’ve turned into! Dicko is trying to be nasty for the sake of it half the time (whereas in the old days he was at least remotely constructive), Marcia is straddling the fence so fiercely she nearly requires lubricant, and Mark - well, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again - Mark Holden is rapidly becoming a parody of Mark Holden. His pathetic and blatant grabs for attention and sound bites are just sad now. I’m sorry, but rubbish like “It didn’t gumuzzle my fuzzle. No seriously. My pingawoody ain’t moo moo like a dirt daddy should. No, really! This is a problem! You waa-naa-nee effervescently, but lichen on the rocks, man. Lichen on the rocks.” doesn’t constitute anything other than verbal diarrhoea.
Add to this their newfound tendency to fawn over irritating\over-the-top\flagrantly shithouse performers while heaping dung over those with an iota of real talent, and the entire thing is completely cringe worthy. At one point last night, I quite literally had my hands over my eyes. For the life of me, I cannot work out why they launched such a vicious attack on Chanel. Yes, I believe that her initial hype has affected her in a way - it’s a lot of pressure being the the out and out favourite after just the initial audition and it’s obvious to me that Chanel is trying hard - perhaps too hard - to try and please everyone. That said, her performance last night WAS good! Certainly, it was better than many of the performances that had the judges drooling. Dicko wasn’t constructive at all (the “drunk secretary” comment was just nasty), Mark was minimally so, and Marcia - well, I’ve got to ask. What the HELL is with her strict school marm behaviour?! Has Gretel Killeen been giving her tips? I couldn’t work out if she was supporting Chanel or slamming her. Note to Ms Hines: Despite what you might think, grimacing and scowling while muttering “I have nothing to say to you” may not be the gesture of comfort you intend it to be.
There are many more things I could talk about - Anthony Calea’s warble-fest (could he have oversung “Car Wash” anymore?), Emelia’s Courtney-Act-Doing-Pauline-Hanson look (I felt terrible for her, and at the same time couldn’t help but notice she really DID look like Courtney-Act-Doing-Pauline-Hanson) and Hayley’s rather excellent rebirth (complete with a Chanel-esque silhouette opening - rip off? You decide…) but I’m gonna let Crystal talk about all that stuff. Feel free to add anything either of us missed below!
PS: How uncomfortable and constipated did Andrew G look! And was that a beer belly or simply an unflattering shirt?
Posted by Jess at September 27, 2004 2:32 PM— Filed under Australian Idol 2004 Blogfest
Comments
Jess, I thought that the "pissed secretary" call was a corker. Nasty maybe, but a corker never the less. I know your fully supportive of the girl but Chanel is becoming a sloppy caberet act in my books. I's time for Anthony or Emiela to go his week though. Gutful ...
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Posted by: D | September 27, 2004 3:12 PM
In fairness, I believe I made an aside comment while watching it that she seemed (dress and hair-wise) reminiscent of someone I imagine would have performed on Good Morning Australia in 1983. However, she did sing well (or alternatively, not as terribly as the judges howling would have led you to believe) and the whole thing really did have a ganging up feel rather than anything constructive.
Posted by: Jess | September 27, 2004 3:45 PM
Any time you want a helping hand, I'm more than happy to provide it - just say the word.
As for this round: Once Chanel was safe, I knew exactly who the final three would be and who would go, as it was only my love/fear for my still-favourite singer that challenged what few soothsaying abilities I have.
Much like Dan O'Connor singing 'Creed', looking like Pauline Hanson and thus disgusting most of Australia spelled the end for Emelia, and really, it was her time to go. Of the other perennial bottom three-ers, Hayley was particularly good on Sunday and Marty finally stopped being a complete and utter crapfest, so with a less-than-special performance, it was Emelia's time to go. I actually thought she went with a great deal of dignity, and no matter what my good friend says of her school behaviour, or even her egregious lying about her singing experience, I still hold a fondness for Emelia. Especially because she 'Please Explain!'-ed it after the comments about her hair - which were, of course, completely justified, and I don't think a household in Australia didn't go, "Oh my god it's Pauline Hanson!" before Dicko pointed it out.
When Chanel was safe, I expected Casey in the bottom three because she was surprisingly getting drowned out by the synths on Sunday. She's been a powerhouse in the past, but the last two weeks have muted her performances; however, she's shown great taste when given complete leeway over her performances before, so I expect another strong shot from her next week.
Marcia is an irrelevant cow nowadays, as the only performer she ever criticises is Chanel. My love is not wavering for Bega's Best Import, and while Dicko's comment about a pissed-up secretary had its merits (being a fantastic call, for one), I still have enjoyed all of Chanel's performances simply because no matter what else, she really puts on a show. She growls and shimmies, bops and emotes and just tries to put everything she has into each song, and it makes me completely not understand why people think she's particularly affected, because to me she seems amazingly genuine. Perhaps I am blinded by love, but I completely get Chanel, and really want her to be in the top two.
And I want Ricki-Lee to join her in the top two. Because she's an adorable spaz who also has great showmanship, and she's just having a complete ball onstage while still bringing a consistently impressive vocal ability to the songs she sings. Of the men left in the competition, Anthony is cute and talented but completely asexual (which is probably part of his appeal - how many prepubescent girls have had odd feelings about their Ken dolls?), Courtney is big-brotherly but increasingly bland, Daniel is powerful but pinched, and Marty is two weeks away from being evicted for his not-so-rock performances. I like the guys, but I want the women to take it to the end, and with Chanel and Ricki-Lee I think we might have a chance of that happening.
Scarily enough, I have many, many more words I could say about Australian Idol, but I'll leave it where it stands. Rock on, Jess...
Posted by: Gadge | September 28, 2004 4:13 AM