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September 23, 2004

“We Probably Would Have Found It… Maybe… | Election 2004

I can’t tell you how amusing I find the Coalition. They keep hammering the Australian public with messages like “Labor are weak on defence!” and “Vote Liberal if you want a safe and secure nation!” and yet all the major security issues this country has faced in recent times have all occurred under this Government’s watchful eye.

John Howard appears to continually use the Tampa crisis, the Children Overboard saga, the war in Iraq, the Bali bombing and most recently the Australian Embassy bombing in Jakarta as reasons why we can’t afford to get rid of the Coalition - after all, who do we trust more? A Government who has been through such crises and who will undoubtedly know what to do during future incidents, or a new and naive Government, led by unproven upstart Mark Latham?

This strikes me as incredibly daft. It’s like me telling you all that I’m a great driver and that as my passenger, you have nothing to fear as I have been involved in fifteen smashes, thus I obviously know my way around a crash site. Therefore, I should continue being designated driver since I am the most experienced at being behind the wheel during an accident.

But I digress. I had a hearty chuckle at Deputy Prime Minister John Anderson today after he comforted a slightly concerned nation regarding the Virgin bomb scare with the words “I am relatively confident that if this had been a serious nasty, our security arrangements would have picked it up.” Ha! Relatively confident! Ooooh - serious “nasty”! Oh, how blasé of you, sirrah!

He might as well have said “Look, whatever - maybe the plane would have blown up, maybe it wouldn’t have. We would have found out eventually, wouldn’t we? Now enough chit-chat, let’s crack open a tinnie and sing some Lynard Skynard.”

Imagine if security hadn’t buggered up and they’d spotted the hoax bomb in advance. We’d all be sitting back hearing nothing from the Government but “This could have killed us all! The Coalition has saved the day! Labor wouldn’t have discovered this lethal weapon of mass destruction, oh no! They probably would have planted it and blown up the plane themselves, and then danced on the graves of your children wearing women’s lingerie and performing gay wedding ceremonies while Bob Brown played the bongos naked! Have they no shame? Vote for Howard!”