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August 30, 2004

Paul J Keating’s Inspirational Quotes

Since I’ve been a bit distracted, I haven’t had time to write another new article for you all - so it’s rehash time again! This time, I’ve decided that with a Federal election looming, now more than ever it’s appropriate to go “reminiscing”. A little like the Little River Band then.

Remember the good old days, when we had politicians we could be proud of? No? To be honest, neither do I really. But I do remember one Australian Prime Minister who wasn’t afraid of speaking rubbish and being an arsehole in parliament - in fact, he was the king of insults in Canberra during his time in politics! The Honourable Paul J Keating was a right laugh indeed!

But now, it seems the glory years of politicians who act like smart arses in parliament is over. I don’t know of one person in today’s government who could finish a can of VB in half an hour, let alone drink 2.5 pints of beer in 11 seconds like ex-Australian Prime Minister Bob Hawke did in 1955 at University College, Oxford. Maybe Andrew Bartlett, depending on the festivities. The only name John Howard seems to like to call his detractors is ‘un-Australian’ - yawn.! The insults during question time used to be SO much more colourful!

Now, I’m not totally pro Labor, despite the fact I’m only giving ex Labor Prime Minister’s kudos. When given a choice between two evils though, I’d choose the Labor party over the Liberals every time. If I’m going to have some idiot politician represent me, I’d rather have one that shows some heart \ balls \ backbone, not to mention an Aussie sense of humour. I say tell it like it is, people! If someone’s being a bloody scumbag, tell them so! That should be the beauty of Australian parliament! No more behind-the-back bitchiness. Surely we’ve learnt enough from the Democrats…

“Do you like Natasha?”
“Nah not really”
“Yeah, she’s a bit of a cow.”
“Wanna kick her out of the group?”
“Yeah!”
“Cool! We’ll tell her at lunch time. Now let’s braid our hair!”

Straight out, in-your-face plain speaking, that’s what wins me over. Sure, current Labor leader Mark Latham has reigned himself in since rising like cream to the top of the Labor party’s proverbial bucket of dairy product. But even he has shown spunk in the past, labelling the Liberals “a conga line of suck-holes” and dubbing John Howard an “arse-licker”. Woo!

But enough of the rambling. Let’s take the time to remember the great Paul J Keating, though some of his more memorable one liners.

…the brain-damaged Leader of the Opposition…
- On John Howard

From this day onwards, Howard will wear his leadership like a crown of thorns, and in the parliament I’ll do everything to crucify him.
- On John Howard

But I will never get to the stage of wanting to lead the nation standing in front of the mirror each morning clipping the eyebrows here and clipping the eyebrows there with Janette and the kids: It’s like ‘Spot the eyebrows’.
- On John Howard

I am not like the Leader of the Opposition. I did not slither out of the Cabinet room like a mangy maggot…
- On John Howard

Come in, sucker…
- To John Howard

The principle saboteur, the man with the cheap fistful of dollars.
- On John Howard

He’s wound up like a thousand day clock.
- On John Howard

He is the greatest job and investment destroyer since the bubonic plague.
- On John Howard

He has more hide than a team of elephants.
- On John Howard

I do not want to hear any mealy-mouthed talk from the Member for Benelong.
- On John Howard

This is the sort of little-boy, stamp your foot stuff which comes from a financial yuppie when you shoe him into parliament.
- On John Hewson

Like being flogged with a warm lettuce.
- On John Hewson

I was implying that the Honorable Member for Wentworth was like a lizard on a rock - alive, but looking dead.
- On John Hewson

I’d put him in the same class as the rest of them: mediocrity.
- On John Hewson

I suppose that the Honourable Gentleman’s hair, like his intellect, will recede into the darkness.
- On Andrew Peacock

…if this gutless spiv, and I refer to him as a gutless spiv…
- On Andrew Peacock

The Leader of the Opposition is more to be pitied than despised, the poor old thing. The Liberal Party ought to put him down like a faithful dog because he is of no use to it and of no use to the nation.
- On Andrew Peacock

We’re not interested in the views of painted, perfumed gigolos.
- On Andrew Peacock

It is the first time the Honourable Gentleman has got out from under the sunlamp.
- On Andrew Peacock

What we have as a leader of the National Party is a political carcass with a coat and tie on.
- On Ian Sinclair

Codd will be lucky to get a job cleaning shithouses if I ever become Prime Minister.
- On Mike Codd

..the brain-damaged Honorable Member for Bruce made his first parliamentary contribution since being elected, by calling a quorum to silence me for three minutes.”
- On Ken Aldred