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August 18, 2004

Disturbing Google Search Phrases Report Returns!

I once claimed that publishing a Disturbing Google Search Phrases report would be a fortnightly ausculture.com event. Ha! That was in April! Perhaps waiting a few months was a good idea, as all manner of entertaining people have found their way to the site after punching in the oddest (and, admittedly, not so odd) stuff. So ladies and gentlemen, it’s time for our traditional “fortnightly” Disturbing Google Search Phrases Report!

ian thorpe gay Along with “ian thorpe” gay and is ian thorpe gay, this has suddenly become one of our more popular search engine lures. Has the temptation of seeing Ian in his skin-tight body suit driven gay men and housewives across the world into a Thorpie frenzy, and could this frenzy have led to their internet based investigation into what stroke Ian prefers?

ian thrope And now the dyslexics jump on the Ian bandwagon! Welcome, friends!

james mathison I find it odd that so many people come here searching for James Mathison and no one is searching for Andrew G. Could this be due to popular Internet opinion that Andrew G is a twat with girly hair? Am I the only person in the world who would still touch him inappropriately? (“Yes.” - Everyone else in the world)

francesca willis It’s nice to see that Frannie’s nubile boozies are still drawing in the punters.

toni pearen nude The E-Street perve is back! Also, I feel that I should point out that Toni is beating Melissa Tkautz in the much coveted position of “Most Searched For Porn Starring An E-Street Castmember:. Shockingly, Bruce Samazan is not even a contender.

cosima devita Why am I not surprised many of her fans struggle to spell her name, along with most other words in the English language? omg cozime, i luv u 4 EVA!

collette dinnigan richard wilkins How depressing. Who searches these two, other than possibly Richard himself? Incidentally, Collette was nominated in our Un-Australian Of The Year © competition (no, we haven’t forgotten about it…) for having participated in Richard Wilkins reproducing on Australian soil.

australias next top model Have we written anything about this impending show?! It’s being hosted by Erika “Lemon Lips” Heynatz, the sourest presenter on television. Can’t wait to watch her chastising a 16 year old wannabe model for having one too many Tim-Tams.

“bucky katt plush” Urgh. The fact that I know about plushies (aka furries) and realised immediately that this search phrase was entered by someone looking to fuck a stuffed toy just goes to show you how much the Internet has taught me about freaky fetishes.

bree farting Pop quiz - what is the technical term for a farting fetish?

fat britney Well, that’s not very nice, is it?

spongebob squarepants having sex Okay, now this person is a legitimate weirdo. I’m not confirming or denying anything, but I find it interesting that Patrick used to write for another website under the nomme de plumme “SpongeBob”… Co-incidence? I think not.

dolly parton tit information How many times must I tell you people, Dolly’s more than just a pair of tits! Or even a singular tit!

georgee idol Only one person has searched this phrase, and I suspect it might have been Georgee himself. Hi, Georgee!

izzy hoyland fansite Gasp, horror, splutter! An Izzy Hoyland fansite?! She drove a wedge between the beloved Kennedy’s and turned Karl into a horny old man instead of the respectable alcoholic family man we always loved - how could anyone adore her enough to create a website about her?! Sacrilege!

review cosima single Here’s the short version - it’s shithouse.

i met james mathison from australian idol Did you? And what did you expect Google to do upon hearing this revelation - congratulate you?

ian thorpe and tom cruise How interesting! Did I ever tell you guys that rumour or is it total coincidence that someone ended up here using that search phrase?

keven federline biography I believe the abridged version goes “Was a nobody. Began shagging Britney. Own only one set of clothes (jeans, white shirt, baseball cap).”

cutting boys testicles off Ewwww, please tell me that’s not another fetish, I’ve only just become used to Boytaurs.

"learn to strip" Not many people realise that ausculture.com is merely a front for a powerful stripper training organisation. Clearly though, the wool wasn’t pulled over this eager exotic dancer’s eyes.

blossom russo six bed Could it be possible? Does someone actually enjoy fantasies about Blossom and Six getting it on, DeGeneres style?