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August 3, 2004

Britney Abandoned, Rachel Pursued Instead

Victoria Newton, obviously tired of writing articles condemning Britney Spears’ severe weight problem and shocking skin condition, has moved onto new territory - ex S-Club 7 star Rachel Stevens. For those of you living in blissful ignorance, Rachel was the voice behind the corker pop song “Sweet Dreams My LA Ex” (although Richard X provided the genius, or so I understand).

As the photo above proves, Rachel is as mortal as any other woman when it comes to the ravages of cellulite. It is interesting however to note the new spin Victoria has used in publishing the pics… After several photos of Rachel looking less than glamorous, Vicky generously concedes that “the star, voted Britain’s sexiest woman four times, clearly has bumps in all the right places.” Phew. Good to know you weren’t trying to call her a porker! I’m sure “Zitney” Spears will also understand your article a few days ago on her skin issues and bulbous new figure was actually complimentary. It’s all so clear to me now.

Ms Newton isn’t the only journalist to use this new-found approach to publishing hideous pictures of celebrities. Lately there has been an influx of tabloid magazine issues which have headlines along the lines of “STARS PILE ON THE POUNDS!” complete with standard meaty photos of celebs on their days off, but in smaller writing underneath there’s a heartfelt message like “And Isn’t That Good? Yay Fat Voluptuous Famous People!” My only question is - what has prompted this sudden display of conscience in entertainment’s normally reliably catty writers?