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February 12, 2004

2004 Television Profile #2 - The Resort

Here at ausculture.com, we’ve managed to resist abandoning an idea before it got too dull, and so we are mildly proud to present PART TWO (hurrah!) of our 2004 Television Profiles…. Today’s victim? The Resort!

The second of Channel Ten’s new reality fare to appear on our screens in 2004, The Resort is hosted by former Noiseworks singer Jon Stevens, and premiered on Australian television last night.

The Resort

Continuing with the DIY Rescue crossed with Big Brother theme of this year’s reality shows, The Resort sees a group of fifteen singles renovating a run down resort in Fiji. Once the place is rebuilt, cleaned and sorted, viewers of the show can holiday there. In fact, book for the end of February and you can spend time with Australian Idol finalist Shannon Noll! How excitement!

The Resort really is, as Jon says, a “fixer upper”. It’s been deserted for over a year, but it looks more like a decade or two since anyone inhabited it. But before the troops could get started on fixing the resort up, they had to make their own staff quarters suitable to live in.

The staff quarters consisted of a decrepit old cement block that resembled beach toilets more than beachside accomodation. As the cameras panned through the rooms, you could almost smell the cocktail of piss and sea water. Yummy.

This first episode showed the lazy contestants struggling to complete the improvement of their staff quarters, and checking out the depressingly grotty resort - a resort they need to have renovated and ready for opening in twelve days. Bleurgh.

Naturally, the interesting part of this isn’t the actual renovating, but rather the contestants themselves. Unlike The Hothouse, The Resort features players that are, well… at the very least, they’re irritable with each other. This makes for remotely interesting viewing.

Eva Wachowski, 21, arrived on the island in the biggest pair of fluro pink heels I’ve since since last year’s Mardi Gras. She wears earings the size of basketball hoops, and proclaims her profession to be “show girl”.

Tabetha ‘Tabs’ Whitby, 27, immediately hated Eva on sight. No doubt the ex-World Bikini Competition 5th Place Winner Tabs thought she’d be the only heart breaker on the island, and views Eva as a threat. Tabs biggest problem is her personality, she’s a blatant wench. She’s labelled Eva a stripper (“Theer arn any showgewls in ost-ray-ya! Where are ya fuckin’ fevvers an’ that?”) and condescends constantly to spunky nineteen year old Beau, labelling him “Not tha bess hannyman” to the camera, while he rolls his eyes behind her. My two biggest issues with her are her age (twenty seven my arse! Add ten years!) and her constant use of the term “earballs”. What the fuck are earballs?

Prachi Brahmbhatt, 26, is a whinger, quite frankly! She’s one of those annoying types who loves to point out others faults but can’t handle any criticism in the slightest. She’s gone head to head with Tabs already (over the world’s most boring reason - the covering of jam, don’t ask) and most people on the show have already written her off. When she and her roommates got a compliment from the advisor on the show over their staff quarters renovation, she jumped in and said “Actually, that was all my idea, mine mine MINE! EVERYONE COPIED ME” or something along those lines. She’s the sour girl everyone disliked at school.

A few other characters have emerged in the fifteen contestants, like sleazy Erik and straight talking David. The rest have sat back and watched on as Tabs irritates the fuck out of her fellow contestants and the viewers.

With tantrums, tears, sexual tension and Jon Stevens singing the theme song, the first episode of The Resort was surprisingly watchable, and infinitely better than The Hothouse. With a sneak peak of next weeks episode (Ooh! Someone is being sent home!), it looks like it is set to continue on it’s trashy course.

Verdict: A guilty pleasure. An ordinary idea, but the easily hateable characters they’ve picked might ensure it’s somewhat decent viewing. Its once a week timeslot also prevents overkill (take a hint, The Hothouse!)