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February 10, 2004
Australian I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here!
Australian TV execs - I beg of you. Forget the shitty Australian Queer Eye idea, and instead get some of our own beloved poor celebs on an Aussie version of IACGMOOH! Clearly there’s a market for celebrity humiliation, and there’s nothing the Australian public likes more than cutting down tall poppies than stomping on already withering flowers.
With this in mind, we’ve selected just a few contestants for the top brass of network television to consider as future stars of Australian IACGMOOH. We hope to see it on a television screen soon!
Bruce Samazan. Poor little Brucey - he’s now in real estate - full time! But in his hey day he appeared as a lovable cop on E Street and as.. erm…. something on Neighbours. And possibly popped into Home & Away. And he released an album so bad, even ex-Neighbours alumni Scott Michaelson (the man responsible for Holly Valance!) was forced to make fun of it. We begin the chant right here on ausculture.com - Bring Back Bruce!
Kym Wilson. This would do wonders for her career - the most interesting thing to happen to her since her cover of TV Week days was being one of the last people to hang out with Michael Hutchence. Plus she has an extraordinary amount of porn under her name available online - she could be the red hot temptress on the show.
Brett Blewitt. Not many would recognise this name, but Brett starred as (who else?) Brett Stark on Neighbours back in the early to mid nineties. He also starred *cough* in My Two Lives or My Two Somethingorother. It involved divorced parents and a Saab, from memory. Even more scary than any of this, he’s my second cousin (not that I’ve met him) and I want to help his career. For a terribly blurry picture, click here.
Bonus Points: Can you spot Bruce Samazan?
Toni Pearen. She’d love to hang out with old TV Week peer Kym, and needs a career revival now she’s on Australia’s Funniest Home Videos. An appalling show, and like Kym, there’s a fair amount of internet porn dedicated to her.
Tania Zaetta. Ex host of Who Dares Wins and an Aussie expat in London. Lord knows she needs as much help as she can get when even The Sun’s Victoria Newtown declares her Z-list while not even really knowing who the hell she is!
Dieter Brummer. A local Sydney boy, Dirty Bummer (as he’s refered to down the pub) is rumoured to have been working as a labourer at times to make ends meet. Surely he must be desperately envious of Melissa George - Angel to his Shane - and her slow but steady career climb overseas?
— Filed under Articles On Various Topics