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February 4, 2004

TV Fever

Inspired by the nonsense television on our screens at the moment, and continuing our habit of pilfering our own material from old websites, here’s some television shows we expect (or at least hope) to see in the future.

The Blossom Girls

Two of television’s best loved shows are being combined in order to create the ultimate sitcom!

Blossom Russo (Mayim Bialik) - left orphaned and alone after a tragic accident where her shelf of hats collapsed, instantly crushing her entire family (and best friend Six!) - moves with her Aunt Blanche (and Blanche’s friends - Dorothy, Sophia and Rose) to a quiet little town called Petticoat Junction, where the elderly yet feisty ladies now own and run the Shady Rest hotel.

Chuckle as Blossom ends up on the receiving end of an Alzheimers-suffering, bed-wetting Sophia’s witty (and yet often confusing) barbs! Be moved by Dorothy and Rose’s burgeoning romance, which proves that age is no barrier to love (even that of the grey muff-diving kind).Watch the sparks fly as Blanche has a torrid affair with store owner Sam (and the rest of the male population of Hooterville!).

And don’t miss Joey Laurence’s cameo as the ghost of Blossom’s recently departed (and mildly retarded) brother Joey!

The Bills

Three unlikely recruits discover they’ve been teamed up to crack a murder mystery when they join London’s Sun Hill police station. Bill Cosby (The Cosby Show), Bill Oddie (The Goodies) and Billy Idol (80’s popstar and NRL Grand Final mime) join forces as The Bills - mismatched collegues who eventually become a super-sleuthing task force, the likes of which has never been seen at Sun Hill.

Highlights of the first series of The Bills include touching scenes where Bill Oddie and Bill Cosby try to communicate with their mute partner Billy Idol, and also great sadness when the gang discover Bill Cosby’s daughter Rudy is working as a prostitute in London’s East End. Don’t miss this fantastic new spin-off from the hit series “The Bill” , due to appear on the small screen shortly on your ABC!

Home Saints

Australian television’s most celebrated hospital drama All Saints has merged with one of our most successful soaps Home & Away - what a brilliant, Logie-winning move by Channel 7!

After a mass tuberculosis outbreak in Summer Bay, the entire town is admitted to All Saints hospital, where they are cared for by the dedicated staff of Ward 17.

Terri (Georgie Parker) begins to develop feelings for new hospital stud Donald Fisher, but is Mitch too distracted after recognising Sally from a porno he owns to notice his lady being stolen from right in front of him? Meanwhile, Von begins a “flaming” affair with Alf Stewart, but any private moments the two attempt to share in the hospital storage closet are rudely interrupted by the irate ghost of Ailsa.

Bron discovers that Sally has the worst case of herpes the All Saints gang have ever come across (so to speak), while Connor wonders whether Irene’s drinking problem has returned. Could it be vodka in the drip she contantly drags behind her stumbling carcass?

Coming Soon

Surprise Sopranos

Aristos and The Sopranos “surprise” a nominated target, and try to murder them with whatever the unfortunate person has in their trolley! A sure fire “hit”! Stay tuned to Channel Seven for more details.

Hey Hey It’s Sunday

Jana Wendt and Daryll Somers co-host Australia’s newest cutting edge current affairs show. Hard hitting interviews are followed by hilarious light entertainment in this original idea from Channel Nine.

Laurie’s Kitchen

Laurie Oakes takes over from that fat lump Huey to present a fabulous cooking show for all the family! Keep watching Channel Nine to hear a new catch cry of “Laurie Oakes………………………… Kitchen”

Family Strokes

When both the Drummond family AND the Keaton’s are forced to move to Tasmania as part of a witness protection programme, things get unexpectedly heated both between and in the families. A shocking new drama from Channel Seven.

Dr Quinn The Vampire Slayer

When a hell mouth opens up in the old West, Dr Quinn (Jane Seymour) discovers that the local shack that contains the high school is actually a breeding ground for evil, and more shockingly - she has been chosen to exterminate it.